Hi @hollysprig: Honestly, I think you have very valid concerns…
As someone who is BOTH in this situation myself (10 year gap between Mr TTR & Myself) AND being Older (I am over 50) … I can say that there can be issues, but for the most part they only befall the couple as they age.
So if you are young, then 10 years apart isn’t a big deal… I think 10 years starting when the youngest is 25 and the oldest 35 doesn’t matter a whole lot (not so keen on 20 to 30, or more than a 12 year gap… but that is a whole other topic)
25 & 35 – 30 & 40 – 35 & 45 – 40 & 50… Almost no issues at all.
45 & 55 – 50 & 60 – 55 & 65 – 60 & 70… Moderate issues.
65 & 75 – 70 & 80 – 75 & 85 – 80 & 90 and Beyond… Greater issues for sure.
Before Middle Age there are virtually NO ISSUES at all.
But after 50 things begin to change… lol, as what I call “the Warranty” on one’s health comes to an end.
Once I hit 50 it became quite apparent to me that not only was my own health not to be something taken for granted, but that more and more of my friends and family members (same age or older) were facing issues. It was the timeframe when I began to lose a lot of folks to illness… Heart Attacks, Cancer, etc.
Very depressing !! **
So between general health issues (including Menopause for Women, Erectile Dysfunction for Men, Diabetes, Heart Issues, etc) … and death the years from 50 to 70 have a moderate chance of being hap-hazard
After 70 there are certainly a larger amount of issues… and anyone who goes onto live after 80 is truly living on “gravy” IMO. As there are no guarantees at that point in time.
The truth is Women outlive Men generally by 5 to 10 years… so if you are the younger one in the mix, even if you are both in excellent health, chances are in the end you’ll end up without your Hubby. Sad but true.
My Best Advice as someone who faces this as a possibility every day (I am in my mid 50s, and Mr TTR is in his mid 60s) is don’t take the situation for granted… live every day like it is important. Love each other for sure, but most importantly BE KIND TO ONE ANOTHER. We both make a concerted effort in our relationship to be polite to one another, and say THANK YOU a lot. And we NEVER leave without kissing one another good-bye… and usually kiss each other hello as well.
Hope this helps,
PS… Of course make sure you have all your paperwork in order as well… Wills, Insurances etc. Definitely stuff that EVERY COUPLE should do, but waaay more important IMO when there is an age gap.
** They say the BEST Chance of living a long life is WHAT you do NOW while you are younger. So invest in your health for later. (As well, I’ve read that the crucial time is when one is in their 40s… if you haven’t lived the “purest” of existance in your 20s & 30s your body can be young enough to forgive such sins… but by the 40s one body is a lot less forgiving. Too many excesses in ones 40s, and the years at the upper end will be foreshortened for sure)