Post # 1
My SO & I have been toying with the idea of getting married in the courthouse in the next few months and then having our wedding in 2020.
We would want to keep it pretty private from everyone, I wouldn’t change my name until the wedding.
Have any of you bees done this? What was your experience? Did it make your “real” wedding feel less special?
Any advice or input is appreciated!
Post # 2
Is there a reason you want to get married now but have a wedding in 2020?
Post # 3
Simply for health insurance reasons. His healthcare plan is great, but does not recognize us as domestic partners.
Post # 4
It comes across as you wanting to get married now just because basically. Unless you were in desperate need of health insurance with a certain coverage and for some reason couldn’t get your own then I don’t see why you would get married “simply for health insurance reasons”.
I either get your own insurance and wait until 2020 or get married now. I feel like it would make the event in 2020 feel less special as it would basically just be a party.
Post # 5
I’m considering something similar and made a post about it, some things people pointed out to me are that if you hide the real wedding date and people find out somehow it could really go south. If you tell people, maybe consider holding a reception at a later date rather than pretending it’s your first real wedding.
At the end of the day, you and your fiance should do what works for the both of you.
Post # 6
Get married now. Have a vow renewal/celebration of marriage in 2020. I need to say this very firmly yet lovingly: DO NOT LIE TO PEOPLE ABOUT YOUR MARRIAGE. It will only hurt people and make you seem like, well, a liar. People will understand getting married at the courthouse for lots of reasons: deployment, moving, yes even health benefits or other benefits. People will not understand why you are lying. Look at it this way; People will want to give you showers, bachelorette parties, wedding presents, things reserved for……single people. It will come off as gift grabby as you will be already married!
So…..get married this spring or summer, have a party in 2020. Just be HONEST with everyone. Big wide difference between keeping things private and keeping secrets.
Post # 7
One of my friends had a registry ceremony because they needed to start her husband’s visa application ASAP, which is totally legitimate reason. I suggested she could just invite close friends to the ceremony (she only has her parents here so not many family to invite), she doesn’t have big groups of friends mostly close friends, so could easily have a small and simple but nice reception after, but she said her mum really wanted her to have a “proper” big reception and she agreed she wanted that too. So no one was invited other than her parents and the witnesses (myself and two of her husbands friends).
She kept it quiet from friends because she wanted the reception at a later date and didn’t want anyone to know she had already gotten married. It was a bit weird for me to have to keep it on the down low. I think it also takes away from the excitement a bit that she can’t tell anyone she had gotten married or talk about it beforehand.
She ended up never doing the reception, they were married and it was done, the moment had passed, a reception just didn’t feel necessary or urgently needed. She still talked about doing it from time to time but after the first year passed, she lost interest and considering the cost, she just gave up on the idea in the end.
She did reveal to friends in the end that they had been married for a year, and they were all surprised of course, no one was offended. But I think she felt a bit “meh” about the whole thing in the end because she never did it “properly” by inviting her close friends to the ceremony.
To me that day at the registry was special, seeing them take their vows and making it official was special. Courthouse or not, the ceremony itself to me is special and is important for people who are special to you to witness. Once that opportunity is passed you can’t get it back. You can still have a party whenever you like but it’s not the same feeling as the ceremony itself. So yes you can have a bigger reception at a later date but I would highly suggest you invite all the important people in your life to the ceremony so you don’t regret it later.