Post # 1
So my fiance and I just found out that we are expecting our first child. We have had our wedding planned for the end of March 2019 for the past year and have sent out save the dates and have the whole wedding planned out. My family/friends are out of state and are all planning to attend the wedding. But with this unexpected and happy news, my fiance and I will now be getting married at the court house tomorrow. We are getting married early due to the fact that I will then be elligble for his amazing health care benefits and prenatal care. We have informed our closest family members of the situation, but my question is: Do we notify all of the guests that we will already be married at the time of our “Wedding Ceremony”? Also, how does this change our wedding ceremony?. We are still very much wanting to have our wedding as planned, just will already me married at the time.
Post # 2
I don’t think it’s necessary to inform your guests that you’ll be legally married before your wedding ceremony. It makes no difference to them; they just want to celebrate with you. You don’t need to change your ceremony either. You may want to inform your wedding officiant, so he understands that he’s not the one making your marriage legal, but I don’t think he’ll need to do anything differently.
Post # 3
jshan : I am in a similar situation. My big wedding is also planned for the end of March 2019, but once we started planning I started graduate school and financially it made sense to go to the court house and get married. We still wanted to be able to celebrate with family and friends so we decided to still have our big wedding. When we got married we told all of our close family and friends and then made a short post on Facebook about our decision so the rest of our friends would know. We have had nothing, but well wishes from everyone and everyone is still excited to celebrate with us in March. The only change we made in our ceremony is now my brother will be our “officiant” and we decided to write vows to each because at the court house we did the standard vows our officiant had.
Post # 4
I don’t think you have to inform them. My fiance and I will likely legally get married at a courthouse wedding before our actual wedding because ours is a destination and getting married officially there sunds like a bigger headache than it is worth.
Post # 5
Normally I think it’s best to keep the guests informed of the actual plans because some people can end up feeling ‘duped’ somehow. Particularly if it’s a religious wedding with very religious guests (from what I’ve seen on here). But these are unexpected extenuating circumstances for the health of you and your baby so people would have to be real wankers not to understand.
Post # 6
I kinda feel like you should tell people..? There’s nothing wrong with the quick shotgun wedding and vows ceremony later, and people might feel a bit short changed not realising you are already married.
You won’t be able to “get married” ie sign register and stuff the second time, so it will just be repeating vows for your guests / readings / music etc.
you don’t even need a celebrant later as you will already be married. Might be a fun opportunity to have one of your friends or family “officiate” for you!!
Post # 7
I agree with PP that you are not obligated to tell everyone, but I think it will probably be better if you do. I don’t imagine anyone will be upset about it and I’m sure they will all still happily attend, knowing the situation and why you are doing what you are doing, however, by not telling people what’s up you’re risking people finding out through the grape vine and perhaps feeling a bit duped about the upcoming celebration. I’d rather avoid that and just be open about it. Tell your family and friends that you would like to treat the symbolic ceremony and reception in March as your actual wedding, but just FYI we are doing a legal courthouse wedding early because of these pragmatic reasons.
Post # 8
I would just tell people. Pretending to not be married or trying to keep it a secret usually ends up with hurt feelings. People are making an effort to come see you get married, they deserve the respect of being told the truth IMO. Congrats on both your pregnancy and upcoming wedding!
Post # 9
I hate when this topic comes up on the Bee. You don’t need to tell anyone, no one will care. The only people that do care are strangers on the Wedding Bee!!
Post # 10
I would tell your guests. I would be upset if I found out later on rather than if you just told me and were honest.
Post # 11
thatphillygirl : She’s asking opinions, and we’re giving them. I would be upset if I found out through the grapevine that a friend of mine had already gotten married and then threw a wedding and pretended like they weren’t actually already married. And I know a lot of my friends/family would feel the same way.
Post # 12
jshan : I wouldn’t tell anyone, but that’s just me. Actually, my Darling Husband and I got married legally and we are still having our actual wedding in February. We aren’t really telling anyone about it, and so far it has turned out just fine. Congrats to you!! I wish you the best of luck.
Post # 13
thatphillygirl : 🤷🏻♀️ I do agree, I wouldn’t care either way as a guest really, but also, why not just be open with your guests that they’re not actually witnessing you getting legally married but are still celebrating with you..
Better to avoid any bad feelings (even tho I agree I don’t see why folk should be annoyed if they didn’t know)
Post # 14
volvo321 : yeah but I mean you did already have the ACTUAL wedding for all intents and purposes. You are married. You will have a wedding celebration later.
OP I don’t ever care as long as what I’m going to is honest. A post wedding celebration or actual wedding. I don’t care. Just don’t try to lie about it. A wedding is a specific union with certain rules and honors attached. A celebration is still exciting for me. But don’t lie to me.
Post # 15
I actually think if you do tell them, they’ll wonder why you’re bothering with another ceremony. A lot of people thought that at my friend’s wedding, in which I stood in. I mean, when people feel hurt to not witness “the real thing,” what they mean is that the ceremony they are present for doesn’t feel real because it wasn’t first. It’s selfishness. If you feel weird about hiding it, I’d be honest about everything, right? Baby, healthcare, and all.
My vote is to not bother telling anyone. You’re not under any obligation. A lot of people elope, you guys still want to involve friends and family.