(Closed) Cousin continuously makes threats about the wedding party and her involvement

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1205 posts
Bumble bee


That’s quite a bit to deal with!  As far as your FSILs, I would include them both, but in appropriate ways – let Future Sister-In-Law2 be in the "house Party" – just give her a job like the guestbook or the cake or something.  You could do this with your cousin too if you want, but yes – she is being COMPLETELY rude and uncalled for.  I wonder how some of these people get the idea that its ok to act like that. 

Good luck!

Post # 4
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Um, they’re psycho paths, I mean, really, who BULLIES their way into a wedding party? Tell cousin to stop being pushy. Just say, "look, i’m having a small wedding party, it doesn’t mean i love you any less" even though it sounds like she’s uh, rude in the first place. COMPLETELY uncalled for. And if you’re closer to Future Sister-In-Law1, then that’s all there is to it. Future Sister-In-Law2 shoudln’t have ignored you so much. You might have been close enough to have her in the Wedding Party if she wasn’t such a bia, right?

Try to give them something else to do. But if you dont’ want to include them, then just tell them your decision is made and if she’s bullying you, tell her to knock it off, it’s very distasteful. People don’t like being told that =]

Post # 5
3332 posts
Sugar bee

I think you should just have an honest conversation with her and explain that you’re having a small wedding party and that you’re sorry, but you aren’t going to be having her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  If you want to give her something to do during the ceremony, maybe she could do a reading or something?  I have found that often people will sometimes take "guest book duty" as an insult, especially if she had her heart set on being in the wedding.

My suggestion is that even if this is hard, it’s easier to deal with this sooner rather than later.  I had a friend who assumed that she would be a Bridesmaid or Best Man in my wedding and I didn’t even consider asking her.  I had to tell her straight up, because I didn’t want to spend months avoiding the issue.

Post # 7
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Yikes.  Was the cousin kidding?  If not, I’d wouldn’t walk down any alleys by yourself… As far as the Future Sister-In-Law are concerned, I agree wth an earlier post.  I would try to include both of them, even if it isn’t in the same way.  Maybe Future Sister-In-Law2 could read something at the wedding or handle the gifts/guestbook? 

Post # 8
952 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

So sorry you’re having to deal with this! I think you’re making the right choice by not involving them. You want the people standing up with you on your wedding day to be people who really love and care for you, not people who just want to be part of the wedding party so they can feel special or to stroke their egos.

Post # 10
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I would never let anyone bully their way into the wedding. And I would be forthright as to telling them why. The nerve!

Post # 11
7053 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Just make sure you’re safe.  Cousin sounds wacked.  I’ve never wanted to spend my hard-earned money on a bridesmaids dress on somebody I was not a friend or close too. 

Post # 13
512 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Exactly why I am not having a wedding party – I have three sisters and three close girl cousins. If I ask one, I have to ask all in that group & I didnt want a huge production. Tell her she needs to get over it & shut up.

Post # 15
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Good luck! I hope Future Sister-In-Law does warm up, it would make your life easier!

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