(Closed) Cousin Copied My Wedding Date

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 31
Member
4244 posts
Honey bee

That’s life.

Post # 32
Member
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I feel bad for you. I would be super pissed. If it was a third cousin and you didnt have family attending your wedding that were attending his it wouldn’t matter. But the fact that people now have to choose is very upsetting. ESPECIALLY since he received a Save the Date. 

Can you call him and talk to him about the conflict and see if there is anything he can do? Men forget things, maybe it just slipped his mind? 😫

Post # 33
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I’d be pissed too. Especially if there’s a lot of overlap in your guest list. I’m sorry, bee, that really sucks. 

Post # 34
Member
590 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I think its kind of unreasonable for people to say because it’s a 3rd cousin you don’t have the right to be upset. I would say it depends on the closeness/nature of the relationship, some families are very close with “distant” relatives. I have 2nd and 3rd cousins who we spend holidays with every year and my parents are the legal guardians of their kids so in my family it would be a huge deal if one of those 3rd cousins planned an event for the same day we did or vice versa. Just because some people think a 3rd cousin is a distant relation doesn’t necessarily mean that’s the case for everyone’s families. I also think the fact that people you’ve invited have already told you they are choosing the other wedding over yours entitles you to be upset. 

Post # 37
Member
1630 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

This may be a stupid question, but are you sure they picked the same date as yours? It’s not a mix up or misunderstanding? They may have had a reason that they needed this date, but given that they had already received a save the date to your wedding, it seems really surprising.

I know in many families, second or third cousin isn’t a distinction- you are cousins and spend many holidays together. If he really has chosen the same date as yours, this could be really challenging for your guests.

You could approcah him directly- “hi ____, I know you have already received the save-the- date for our wedding on ______, but I just wanted to double check with you as a couple of relatives told me they thought you were being married on the same day? Did they possibly make a mistake on the date?”. Then, if he did, I’d just be gracious regardless. If he chose it knowing your date, it is unlikely he would change it and I would  not even ask. I would, however, get my invites out early with an early RSVP date in case you are looking at a smaller guest list than you first anticipated. It’s unfortunate, but if he chose the same date, it just puts your relatives in a difficult position. 

Sorry! Don’t let this put as damper on your wedding planning- it will still be a great day!

Post # 39
Member
1630 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

lexirose05202016:  Good attitude- your only choice may be to be positive about this. I’m still hoping though, given that he got a save-the-sate from you, that it is a mistake! Good luck!

Post # 40
Member
589 posts
Busy bee

I’m going out on a limb, if a third cousin told me their date 2 years ago there is a decent chance that I wouldn’t remember the date.

Edited: missed the part where you said you sent save the dates in august, I thought you sent them 2 years ago! haha

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  kitkatkels.
Post # 41
Member
2587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I’d love to know his reasoning for this. Also if they didn’t realise they obviously now know it’s the same day, have they apologised or even acknowledged it?

Post # 42
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

lexirose05202016:  it sucks, but really – what can you do now? Let them know you are upset they would make some people choose.

And to the bees who think third cousins don’t matter – please remember that not every family is the same as yours, and to some people, third or more cousins ARE important. 

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