Post # 1
Been away for a bit due to the stress of wedding planning, but now that it is over (wedding was last Saturday) I have an etiquette question to ask.
During our reception on Saturday my first cousin, handed out Save the dates to family members (this although kind of tacky did not bother me, I was having way too much fun to notice). The problem I am having with handing out the save the dates for his wedding is that my parents recevied save the dates, as did my 2 half sisters and my older full brother. Darling Husband and I did not receive anything, even though my cousin and his Fiance were invited to our wedding. The other upsetting part is my younger brother (he is 23) who lives with my parents was not addressed on the save the date, therefore we are assuming he wasn’t invited.
My parents and siblings, are quite upset with this and find it to be a little rude. We also have realized that they were most definitely on the B list for invites since my one uncle received his before Christmas (we saw it on his fridge at Christmas dinner)
Are we wrong in feeling upset and slighted over this?
Post # 2
They probably knew they were in the wrong so deliberately avoided giving you one.
I would not be surprised if you get one in the post in the next couple of weeks.
Post # 3
It’s tacky but why take issue with it now if it didn’t bother you at the wedding. They obviously aren’t into etiquette or you know, common courtesy. If you’re angry about being on the B-list just don’t attend. Send a card and wipe your hands clean. Be the bigger person stay drama free! Congrats on your wedding btw!!
Post # 4
That’s really nervy. I don’t think it means it necessarily means that you or your younger brother aren’t invited. It probably does mean that they have no clue about any of this.
Save the dates are NOT invitations. Your parents were in no way B listed.
Post # 5
Ehh I’m guessing none of that was intentional? Personally, I didn’t follow traditional etiquette rules for my Save the Dates…maybe this was wrong, but I figured they are pretty informal, and it was more a way to get it on everyone’s calendar & share a picture from our engagement photos. So, I wouldn’t be surprised if the invitations are more formally addressed.
I’m also guessing at the thought process behind handing them out at the wedding–probably didn’t have everyone’s address in your family, and thought, “oh, well I’m going to see them all in a couple weeks anyways so I might as well just hand them out then, and they would want me to save a little on postage anyways.” Then when the wedding came, and they were handing them out, your cousin probably thought, “ok, the bride & groom are having so much fun, I don’t want to bother them by trying to hand them my save the date, I’ll just give it to them later.”
Soooo, I guess that’s another way to interpret their actions? Maybe I’m giving them too much benefit of the doubt, but it just seems totally insane that someone would go to a wedding and hand out save the dates but deliberately not invite the bride & groom. Plus, I don’t think anyone gets a B-list for the Save the Dates…if you get a STD at all, it means you were on the original list.
Post # 6
Wow just wow! Tacky in every way!
Post # 7
Really tacky! However I will say I didn’t give out Save the dates to everyone I ended up inviting. I sent them sporadically. I was super unorganized about it.
Hopefully they just didn’t hand you one because they were trying to be lowkey about the whole handing out save the dates at your wedding thing
Post # 8
seems like they really hate you and really wanted you to know this.
Post # 9
That takes balls. Big, hairy, tacky balls.
Post # 10
Wow that is the most horribly inappropriate thing I’ve ever read! I’m sorry!!
Post # 11
MariLPxo: I can’t believe they thought the rudeness of handing out save-the-dates in front of pepole who weren’t receiving them–let alone during someone else’s wedding!–was worth saving a few bucks on postage. I bet you’ll get one in the mail because even they realized it would be weird to hand that off to the bride and groom at their own reception. And I agree with a PP, they sound totally clueless and it’s a little early to get riled up over this kind of obliviousness.
Post # 12
Atalanta: thank you for your sarcastic response 🙂 made me laugh
rendezvous89: Peaceoutboyscout: weddingmaven: KatesTheWord: thank you for your comments/advice. I guess at this point we just have to wait it out and see. I’d like to give them the benefit of the doubt but sometimes I really don’t know with this side of the family.
Post # 14
Speck_: Now that I’m reading your responses I do realize it may be a little early, I just mostly needed to vent about it. and gather some opinions.
Post # 15
Unreal. Some people are so self-absorbed. It was YOUR day. They had no business handing out their save-the-dates. They were just looking to save money on postage IMO. Tacky. I would hand out some sort of an announcement at their wedding just for the hell of it. (Probably not.. but seriously!)