(Closed) Cousin handed out save the dates at my wedding…

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
1417 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

They probably knew they were in the wrong so deliberately avoided giving you one. 

I would not be surprised if you get one in the post in the next couple of weeks. 

Post # 3
Member
2597 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

It’s tacky but why take issue with it now if it didn’t bother you at the wedding. They obviously aren’t into etiquette or you know, common courtesy. If you’re angry about being on the B-list just don’t attend. Send a card and wipe your hands clean. Be the bigger person stay drama free! Congrats on your wedding btw!! 

Post # 4
Member
12513 posts
Honey Beekeeper

That’s really nervy. I don’t think it means it necessarily means that you or your younger brother aren’t invited. It probably does mean that they have no clue about any of this. 

Save the dates are NOT invitations. Your parents were in no way B listed. 

Post # 5
Member
702 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Ehh I’m guessing none of that was intentional? Personally, I didn’t follow traditional etiquette rules for my Save the Dates…maybe this was wrong, but I figured they are pretty informal, and it was more a way to get it on everyone’s calendar & share a picture from our engagement photos. So, I wouldn’t be surprised if the invitations are more formally addressed.

I’m also guessing at the thought process behind handing them out at the wedding–probably didn’t have everyone’s address in your family, and thought, “oh, well I’m going to see them all in a couple weeks anyways so I might as well just hand them out then, and they would want me to save a little on postage anyways.” Then when the wedding came, and they were handing them out, your cousin probably thought, “ok, the bride & groom are having so much fun, I don’t want to bother them by trying to hand them my save the date, I’ll just give it to them later.”

Soooo, I guess that’s another way to interpret their actions? Maybe I’m giving them too much benefit of the doubt, but it just seems totally insane that someone would go to a wedding and hand out save the dates but deliberately not invite the bride & groom. Plus, I don’t think anyone gets a B-list for the Save the Dates…if you get a STD at all, it means you were on the original list.

Post # 6
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Wow just wow! Tacky in every way!

Post # 7
Member
1082 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Really tacky! However I will say I didn’t give out Save the dates to everyone I ended up inviting. I sent them sporadically.  I was super unorganized about it. 

Hopefully they just didn’t hand you one because they were trying to be lowkey about the whole handing out save the dates at your wedding thing 

Post # 8
Member
4767 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

seems like they really hate you and really wanted you to know this.

Post # 9
Member
7369 posts
Busy Beekeeper

That takes balls. Big, hairy, tacky balls. 

Post # 10
Member
2000 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Wow that is the most horribly inappropriate thing I’ve ever read! I’m sorry!! 

Post # 11
Member
2180 posts
Buzzing bee

MariLPxo:  I can’t believe they thought the rudeness of handing out save-the-dates in front of pepole who weren’t receiving them–let alone during someone else’s wedding!–was worth saving a few bucks on postage. I bet you’ll get one in the mail because even they realized it would be weird to hand that off to the bride and groom at their own reception. And I agree with a PP, they sound totally clueless and it’s a little early to get riled up over this kind of obliviousness.

Post # 13
Member
3287 posts
Sugar bee

Wow. Your Cousin…

Post # 15
Member
2035 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Unreal. Some people are so self-absorbed. It was YOUR day. They had no business handing out their save-the-dates. They were just looking to save money on postage IMO. Tacky. I would hand out some sort of an announcement at their wedding just for the hell of it. (Probably not.. but seriously!)

Barf.

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