(Closed) Cousin handed out save the dates at my wedding…

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
1469 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Holly Hedge Estate

courtneysokal:  +1 to this. That is very tacky of them.

Post # 17
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

MariLPxo:  Handing out save-the-dates at the wedding wouldn’t bother me (I wouldn’t do it myself, but it wouldn’t have bothered me if someone did it at mine). ETA: My cousins and I are all very close, but because we have a big family we don’t see each other very often. If they had taken the opportunity to save some postage by handing out Save-The-Date Cards in person, I would have just been happy and excited for them. I get that with different family dynamics, not everyone would feel this way. Honestly I would probably have been bothered by it if someone from my husband’s side did that, because I’m not as close to them.

I’m also inclined to give your cousin the benefit of the doubt, and just assume that they didn’t want to interrupt your special day to give you or your husband a STD. As for your brother, he lives with his parents and (depending on how old he is) I would assume is invited. As another Bee pointed out, they may just not have addresses their STD’s as formally as they would have an invitation – I know I didn’t!

I also wouldn’t assume you or anyone else is on the B list quite yet. Despite being completely Type A, I was super disorganized with how I handed out/mailed Save-The-Date Cards. Some people I saw in person and just handed the cards to (they got theirs first). Others I mailed. Others I hung onto because I THOUGHT I would see the person, ended up not seeing them, and then ended up mailing them way late. 

It’s just too early to be guessing at intentions yet – wait and see what the invitation situation is and please report back! 🙂

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by  Soon2bmrs1.
Post # 18
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

It’s pretty rude to do that in front of people who won’t be invited.  Also if I was handed one, chances are I only brought a small clutch to the wedding, and I’d be annoyed at having to stuff it inside my bag.

But wait til the invitations come.  You could still be invited!

Post # 19
1119 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Wait a couple weeks to see if one shows up in the mail. I’m sure they figured they wouldn’t bother you and take away from your fun by handing you there’s dont assume anything it will just stress you out. 

Post # 20
173 posts
Blushing bee

Aside from how incredibly tacky that is – first, im assuming your brother who lives at home wasnt addressed because he lives at home? I know a lot of people are confused on how that works and just kind of assume on invite per household. As for you and your husband – I’m going to HOPE it was because you were busy getting married. I couldn’t fathom someone would come to your wedding, hand out save the dates and STILL not invite you. 

Post # 21
9528 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

Soon2bmrs1:  while I 100% agree with the sentiment in your post, I really doubt they forgot they’d see the bride and groom at the wedding…

But yeah, overall I’m hoping you just get it in the mail because they realized how wierd it’d be for you to get a STD at your own wedding.  Otherwise, that’s incredibly tacky.

Post # 22
362 posts
Helper bee

She probably wanted to save on postage and making calls etc about the save the date cards. You probably didn’t get the save the date JUST YET, because she thinks you’re busy with honeymooning and such and wants to give you time til you’re done with that…it’s only been alost a week post wedding, give it some time.

Post # 23
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016


Post # 24
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Get pregnant, crash their wedding, and have Darling Husband drunkenly announce your pregnancy during the speeches as revenge!

Seriously, though, hopefully you just get your STD in the mail. If you don’t get one that’s crazy. Can’t believe they handed them out in front of others who weren’t invited!

Post # 25
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

Idk, it would really irritate me if someone handed out STD’s at my wedding. I come from a family that is always trying to one up each other and that would definitely be a deliberate stab. Particularly if I wasn’t given one.

Hopefully your family isn’t like that though! I’d keep a lookout in the mail and come back to let us know 🙂

Post # 26
1325 posts
Bumble bee

Maybe they were trying to save printing money and just assumed the date would be “cascaded down” to the rest of your family? Whatever though, save your righteous indignation until the invites are sent out. We’ll be here to bitch about it with you, don’t you worry! 

(Side note: I am so sad right now. My husband and I play a drinking game where we take a drink when I see the word “tacky” on this website (no insult to anyone who used said word because OP asked and the usage here is totally legitimate, it just reminds us of the scene from Frasier with “veneer”, if anyone remembers that?) Anyhoo, this is the most tacky-heavy thread I’ve found in weeks and I’m not allowed to drink any more! Booooo!)

Post # 27
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

amanda1988:  Oh, you misunderstood me, but in re-reading my post I can totally understand why, I didn’t write that very clearly! I didn’t mean that the cousin forgot she would see the bride and groom at the wedding – I was just using that as an example of why people might get STD’s at different times. The OP mentioned that her parents didn’t get their STD’s until the wedding whereas an uncle (I think) had gotten his before Christmas. I was using that example just to say that maybe the cousin gave the STD to the uncle at Christmas when they ran into each other – it doesn’t necessarily mean that the parents who got their Save-The-Date Cards later are on the B list.

With the OP and her husband – I’m hoping that the cousin just didn’t want to interrupt their day by giving them a STD and is going to mail it later! 

Post # 29
3934 posts
Honey bee

This reminds me of when I was in grade school and someone would bring birthday party invitations to school and only hand them out to a select few. The fact that there are people on this board who think that’s an okay thing to do shocks me! Tacky to the max. 

Post # 30
1859 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

whitums:  totally agree! 

Handing out STD’s as someone’s wedding is tacky and rude. Not giving one to the bride and groom who’s wedding you are using as a post office is ridiculous. 

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