Post # 1
Member
17 posts
Newbee
First of all i must say i am very very upset!!!!
Ive been planning my wedding for a little over a year. Ive been keeping my family updated on certain things about my wedding. Mind you my family is all over washington oregon and california, so ive been communicating with them alot. well anyways i have cousin that has been married for 10 years this year and wanted to do her vowel renewal in july…..I spoke with her in december and she told me that if i already had that date set (july 20 2013) that she would either push her vowel renewal to the week before or the week after…keep in mind her anniversary is July 19th which lnads on a friday this year anyway but she wants july 20th…..or we can get married together or i should move my wedding to california ( which i answered NO to everything)my issue is that she texted me a couple weeks ago and told she is just gonna do it on the the same day that im getting married…..so ever since then i have been really hurt because now its like im forcing my family to choose whose wedding they are going to….PLEASE I NEED SOME ADVISE!!
Post # 3
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
Truthfully, I think people are going to choose yours over hers. I mean, a first time wedding vs a vow renewal? Do the rest of your family know that you are getting married that day, meaning did you send out STD?
I don’t blame her for wanting to do it on the 20th even though her anniversary is the 19th because it’s technically her anniversary weekend.
At this point, if you both refuse to budge, I suppose all you can do is let your relatives decide.
Post # 4
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
I second what @lilbluebird: said. It sounds like she definitely wants that date – possibly the only one available at the venue she wants (do you get venues for vow renewals?). But given that she’s already been married 10 years and this is pretty much just an anniversary party for her, I doubt most of the family would choose her event over yours. Her immediate family will probably go to her event, but the majority of the family will most likely prefer to celebrate a new marriage than one that’s been going for 10 years.
Post # 5
Member
17 posts
Newbee
@lilbluebird: yes i sent out save the dates everyone knows im gettting married that day….she was one of the first people that knew i was getting married that day and never said anything about it besides she will be there and even helped plan some things but now a few months before she decides to do this
Post # 6
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
Wedding trumps Vow renewal. I woudln’t worry about it, I think people will pick your wedding. I can’t believe she suggested that you two do this together…
Post # 7
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
@Nikki2517: Well, if everyone has already received your Save-The-Date Cards and are planning for your event, then I think you’ve done all you can do. You’ve tried talking your cousin out of it to no avail so that’s that. You can’t force someone to change his/her mind. Since people knew this is your date and hers was just decided, I wouldn’t worry too much about it. They’ve likely already made accomodations for yours.
Post # 8
Member
17 posts
Newbee
well i never told her to change the day….my issue is that fact that when i was first planning she NEVER once said anything about wanting to do anything ( i got engaged in may of last year and have been planning ever since) on that day. I talked to her in sept the week after my mom was killed and told her that all i want is for my whole family to be there. now about 5 months before the wedding she wants to have it the same day?? thats my issue….i cant change what anyone else will do but at least there should be some respect.
Post # 9
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
@Nikki2517: wow.. I thought it was bad that a friend was having their wedding on the same day as mine knowing we had the date picked first. However I would say that I would go to the actual wedding over just a vow renewal. I think most people would agree and do the same!
Post # 10
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
@Nikki2517: Why does she need an audience for a vow renewal? Can we say ATTENTION WHORE! Really, if I ever chose to do a vow renewal it would be me and my husband and whoever was officiating.
Honestly, I wouldn’t sweat it – who is going to attend a vow renewal over an ACTUAL wedding?
Your cousin is annoying me.
Post # 11
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
Let me say that being you had a date first she should be more flexible providing that you had a set confirmed date, stealing your wedding date is so wrong! There may be a symbolic issue with the venue dates exc. that are causing her to be rigid which are likely some of the same reasons that you want your dates, this is understandable but that should have been arranged sooner andirons was that serious for her. Your cousin should have reserved, sent out Save-The-Date Cards and reserves her wedding/renewal weekend, she has know her anniversary for 10 years.
This happened to reciently me and assuming that family would choose my husbands cousins wedding over my wedding renewal, but that is not the case at all, family has committed to our wedding because we send Save-The-Date Cards and made arrangements far pto hers hers, wedding vs wedding renewal was not even the smallest aspect of the discussion it was right vs wrong and family reapect. Makung family chose after a date was clearly set was rude and disrespectful to the family and it was not tolerated in the least! She picked a new date. I hope you both can work it out so your family doesnot have to be placed in the middle of the mix. It’s a joyous occasion for celebration.
On an other note some ladies with the comments about vow renewals sound silly (seeing as that’s what most women here want to be married) with the divorce rate so high the renewal is in many ways more symbolic and meaningful then the wedding, seeing as a good number of brides won’t make it to a 10th anniversary to have a renewal. Getting married is the very easy part, STAYING married is the challenge, the marathon. So to say “it’s just a renewal”, “renewals have venues” “it’s just an anniversary party” exc is rediculiousness and petty. The issue is that her cousion undermined her date not that it is a renewal.
Post # 12
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
Is the vow renewal a big thing? Did she not have a wedding originally or something?
Post # 13
Member
1497 posts
Bumble bee
What is it with people lately? I keep hearing all these stories about friends and family picking the same dates! I’m sorry you’re going through this too.
You’ve been planning for this date for over a year, she just decided on her date, and she wants YOU to move the date or the state? That’s not just wrong, that’s outright rude.
If you’ve already sent out save-the-dates, don’t worry about attendance. Of course, your cousin won’t be there, but after this, would you really want her to?
Post # 14
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
@everyheart
You make a great point at this point! I would not want her to be in attendance because the cousin last support for this new family.
Post # 15
Member
2954 posts
Sugar bee
What a cow!!
I would be so annoyed. i hope your family all see that too. I wouldn’t want her at my wedding now anyway.
Just a thought can you think of any other reason that she is doing this to you??
Post # 16
Member
322 posts
Helper bee
Wow, that’s SO rude and annoying! I mean a wedding trumps a vow renewal anytime, but I’d definitely be upset, and that’s not fair to do to your family (on her part of course, not yours.) I think your guest list should remain fairly intact, but I’d be super upset too!
