(Closed) cousin in law and aunt… driving me crazy :(

posted 10 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Reiterate to your aunt that while you enjoy her family and want them to enjoy your wedding, neither you nor your sister nor your parents can provide supervision for her children during the wedding due to your many obligations. Provide a list of obligations if necessary to drive the point home. Say if she wants to arrange with someone else not in the immediate family/bridal party to watch them, great, but otherwise you suggest she find a sitter and leave them home. You can’t disinvite them, but you can stand your ground on her having to provide care for her own kids.

Post # 4
Member
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2008

If they refuse to RSVP, then put them down as no.  For them to say that someone else should watch their children is absurd.  If you did let them go, they should be watching their own kids.  When is your wedding?  If they do not rsvp by the date you put down, simply tell them you had to get your count in and unfortunately they did not get theirs in by the date requested, and thus they cannot attend.  I think everyone has the right to decide who is invited to their own wedding.  I SERIOUSLY have an issue with the guests who don’t accept that, and argue about it just becuase they aren’t getting their way.  You can do whatever you want.  If they are so selfish to make it about them, you’re probably better off without them there.

Post # 5
Member
378 posts
Helper bee

I can’t even wrap my mind around the fact that they won’t watch their own children and want you, your sister and your parents to do it. Seriously?!

Since it’s your dad’s sister, have him talk to her in a firm way, say "Hey, we need to know if you’re coming. You need to find a sitter on your own if you insist on bringing the kids, and I’m telling you right now that if you do decide to bring them and not watch them, I’m giving the cows free reign to do what they please if your kids mess with them."

Post # 7
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Well give them until tomorrow, and on Sunday call and say- "Hey we did not recieve a response from you, I need a definite answer today to turn in my headcount." I agree with pp – what makes you think anyone else invited as a guests should have to watch your kids? For whatever reason you decided to have an adult ceremony and reception its your choice. 

Post # 8
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2018 - The Rivers Club

we have had the same problem with a couple guests, it made me realize i’d rather have the kids there and their parents stay home

Post # 9
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I second cbkj’s response, this is exactly what we did.  My cousin ended up deciding to come without her kids, and my fh’s cousin decided to stay home.  End of story.

Post # 10
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I completely understand your frustration.  The idea of tots terrorizing your day is unbearable.  I am a nanny, so I spend more than enough time with kids to know that they just aren’t cut out for being in attendance for certain occasions, like a romantic wedding.

I have a rather out of the box suggestion that could resolve the issue.  Consider clearing a room in your parents house, asking relatives to bring toys into it a few days before, and hire a babysitter or two to watch the children there for the evening.  If you attend a church or live near a college or university, put up fliers requesting babysitters for a group event, and let them know that they’ll be responsible to play with (and control/keep out of trouble) multiple children of different ages.  Offer them a flat rate for the evening, and meet with them before hand to explain the situation and how important it is for them to handle the children professionally and not allow them to disrupt your nuptuals.  Trust me, they will understand and the small additional amount you’ll fork out for a babysitter will be more than worth it for alleviating your stress.

Post # 12
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Wow.  Sometimes it is just not possible to please everyone, or for people to let you focus on your event and not their responsibilities.  Bottom line is that those are their kids, and your dad made an offer to compromise.  At this point I would just wipe my hands, ask if they are coming or not. end of story.

Everyone else was able to make rational mature decisions about what to do with their children.

Post # 13
Member
378 posts
Helper bee

And also, this is your wedding day, not just another family get-together at the farm! I don’t see a need for them to be in the pool, running around wet, etc. But I know you said they weren’t invited, and that’s probably a good thing considering the circumstances. I agree with cbkj, everyone else was able to make mature, rational decisions about their kids and face the fact that they couldn’t come. Give them a deadline as to when you need a yes/no, if they don’t respond, put them down as a no, and move on. This isn’t something that needs to be stressed over. If they show up, put them with the livestock.

Post # 14
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Have you told them that the pool will not be open? If this is a ‘big thing’ with the kids as you said, the kids may not even want to be there if that is the case.  Hopefully your aunt will realize that it just will not be fun for them.

Post # 15
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

No brilliant suggestions, but wanted to say it sounds as if your aunt/cousins are complete terrors!  While a wedding is a celebration/party, it is not an excuse for the family to bring all the kids and take a day off from parenting at the expense of the bridal party and family!  How completely rude.

Post # 16
Member
23 posts
Newbee

The only thing I would say is that you should stress the importance of getting an accurate headcount for your caterer, which is a reasonable request. Once they offer a head count you can see if they are bringing their kids. If they elude to bringing the kids, just plainly say that we cannot have kids at the wedding for safety concerns. If they yell and scream…so what? They’ll get over it.

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