(Closed) Cousin ruining my engagement

posted 6 years ago in Engagement
Post # 16
1044 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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ncgirl1788:  how could you even do all these things together when her wedding is not until 2019? A lot of vendors will not even accept reservations that far in advance. 

I think you should use this as an opportunity to practice some distance from negatice energy. You don’t have to share everything with her and it sounds like you’d be better off not doing so if you are left with negative feelings everything you do it. Maybe it’s even time for some distance from the rest of the family if they compulsively compare the two of you. 

Make this time about you and your fiance. You only have to suffer as much as you are giving others the opportunity to inflict suffering upon you. Don’t give in to family pressure to do everything with or parallel to her. Tell people you want the wedding details to be a surprise if you have to.

I have noticed as I get older that “one uppers” and competitive types only tend to get worse as stakes become higher. It’s one thing when the playing field is somewhat level as you are growing up…but the school, career, wedding, travelling, buying a home, having kids….I’ve watched these types of people become just insufferable over those things. I know it shard when you’ve have a history with someone but if it’s constant negativity and bad feelings/stress for you, it’s not a relationship worth keeping close. Distance yourself and fill the space that remains with people who lift you up and make you a better person. Life is too short.

Post # 17
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

If you want to stop the pettiness/competitiveness, stop engaging with her. Stop sharing wedding details, stop comparing notes. If two grown women, even if you’re as “close” as you say you are, are still acting this way, there’s no hope. It takes two to tango and you seem to be feeding into to this as much as she is. You two can’t be genuinely happy for each other for whatever reason (genuinely happy means not a shred of jealousy or cattiness), so just back away.

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