(Closed) Cousin set the same date… vent

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3136 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

have you tried talking to them? instead of letting other family members draw their own conclusions maybe an open conversation between both couples will help?

Post # 4
Member
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

that is crazy, and how sad that the grandparents won’t be attending. Playing favorites? By how, going to the wedding that notified you ahead of time? Ugh, that is so, so sucky.

Do you know if they have anything booked at this point? I really have not other advice other than this cousin sounds either completely oblivious, or a real biotch.

Post # 5
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

You have every right to be upset.  I wonder why they didn’t change their date once they realized you guys were already booked and far along in planning.  Unfortunately, no matter how unfair it may be, the majority of Bees on this site will tell you that you can’t control when other people get married, who attends your weddings, etc.  All that being said, I still feel for you and your Fiance who is being punished for something that really is not his fault.  I don’t have any GOOD advice for you (my BAD advice is that I would have FI’s family members talk to this cousin and get them to see things more reasonably…but don’t do that for the aforementioned reasons…lol.) but I do hope your FI’s grandparents will not punish him for his cousin’s choices.

Post # 6
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would try talking to them directly about it without sounding angry/pissed. I think it’s really weird they did that. And since you’ve had your wedding scheduled for WAY longer, you have dibs on the guests as you’ve sent out the STD’s so it’s not like the grandparents are choosing one cousin over the other.

Post # 7
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

No offense intended but YOU were unaware of their wedding date prior to the meeting, so I guess I’m confused as to why they would be expected to know your date.  Obviously they’ve communicated their intended date to several family members as a mutual aunt was able to tell both couples they shared a wedding date. They aren’t invited to your wedding so I’m not sure they are obligated to change their date to accomodate family pressures. 

Post # 8
Member
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

@Happyisme:  the thing is, the OP had sent out her Save-The-Date Cards – including to the parents of the other couple and the grandparents…….so it’s reasonable to expect that the other couple should have known the date, based on the fact that their parents and grandparents got the STD.

 

Post # 9
Member
46408 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Instead of assuming what they did or did not know, I would suggest talking with them directly. Discuss the difficulty that the situation is causing for the relatives and see if you can work something out.

Post # 10
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

It is upsetting, to be sure . .. but as upsetting as it is, I think that you have to realise perhaps there are other  factors that may have gone into choosing this cousin’s date . . . such as when the cousin or cousin’s Fiance could get vacation time, or various deadlines in their personal lives.  Perhaps a certain key family member on one of their sides is only available on a certain day.  As upsetting as it is, try to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Post # 11
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@julies1949 <– This.

 

I can’t imagine a reason why someone would want to put their wedding on the same day as somone else’s in their family/immediate circle. It just doesn’t make sense to me.

Post # 12
Member
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Normally I avoid commenting on those “they set the date and it’s close to mine!” posts, because some people have limited time frames to get married in… BUT THE SAME DAY!??! Can you not talk to her about how you don’t want relatives and grandparents to choose? Maybe she will realize what is going on…?

Post # 14
Member
2416 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I actually would be really upset but I also would have said something because I’m a big-mouth. Wtih the fact that they didnt’ have anything booked, I would have said “well, you do realize we’re inviting lots of the same people, right? That isn’t very fair to them…and we already have everything booked.” However, the weirdest part to me is how little they must value the attendance of the grandparents…what an awful sitation to put them in…some grandparents make that a life goal…to live to see the marriage of their grandchildren…I couldn’t keep my mouth shut, I would have said something then and there.

Post # 16
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m always in the camp of ‘you get one day’ but clearly, the cousin intends to have your day.

Have they even found a venue yet?  Because 6 months out is not much time to get venues in some parts of the country.  If they don’t have a venue, the wedding very well may be on a different date.

I’d talk to them, under the guise of the grandparents – that they won’t be at the cousin’s wedding either, wouldn’t the cousin like to see them at the wedding, family family family blah blah blah.

I can’t believe they set the date after knowing about yours.  That’s just plain rude.

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