(Closed) Cousin vs. BFF as MOH

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I say it’s your wedding and if the fear has been put into you about things your cousin has done, definitely chose your BFF. Although your BFF may come and go and your cousin will always be family-your day should be a good memory to remember. I would hope your cousin would understand, and if she doesn’t…I personally would just say tough. This is your wedding. Not hers.

Post # 4
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Atrium at the Curtis Center

You never HAVE to choose someone who is related to you.  I chose my best friend over my sister. Choose your best friend.  Don’t get pressured into choosing someone who is going to make your day more difficult/stressful than it already is.  

Can you and your Fiance each choose one person, so that way you can tell her that you couldn’t choose between her and all your cousins, so you chose someone who wasn’t related at all?  

Post # 6
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Can I just make a suggestion as someone who went through this with her own wedding?


This is kind of wild.. brace yourself.





….don’t have a wedding party at all.  Have the people you would choose do readings, usher, sing, officiate, whatever.  Your friends will still probably rally to put together a shower and bachelorette for you.  

If I could do it again I’d forego a wedding party altogether.  It was very dramatic and challenging at times, their gifts were expensive, friendships were strained, and I just dont think it was worth it… I wish I could take it back.

Post # 7
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Her opinion is that Maid/Matron of Honor should be blood related. Your opinion is that you don’t care if your Maid/Matron of Honor is related and you want your BFF. So pick your BFF. It will be hard to tell your cousin you chose someone she doesn’t approve of, but you’re going to have such a happier wedding planning process, because you’re going to have a -supportive- person by your side, helping you plan the most special day of your life.

Post # 9
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Lieberbee:  Oh my god, ELOPE!!!




I highly suggest eloping.



ETA:  Readings don’t have to be religious.  There’s tons of people having non-denominational/secular weddings that are still having readings.  One good suggestion I heard was to write each other a message about what you hope for the marriage, and have a dear friend read it out loud.  Then you don’t have to say it yourself, AND it counts as a reading AND buys time 🙂

Post # 10
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Wow, you have a lot of complexity to juggle here, but, no matter what else you decide relative to the wedding, do not choose this person to be your Maid/Matron of Honor, for the following reasons:

1) she is being manipulative about it

2) her attitude is not very supportive of marriage in general, and first and foremost you want to choose your bridal party based on people who are going to be supportive of your marriage

3) she’s trying to manipulate you

4) you won’t need any additional drama beyond what you’re already inevitably going to have to deal with, and I smell “drama queen” oozing out all over this cousin, and

5) did I mention that she strikes me as a bit manipulative?

Post # 11
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Lieberbee:  you cant do any readings at a nondenomenational ceremony? i didnt know that!

i think you shoud choose the person you will be most happy to see there next to you when you lookat your album in 20 years. if you truly dont want your cousin aas Maid/Matron of Honor at all, don’t ask her. i am going through a similar situation in terms of an unspportive person wanting to be in the Bridal Party… i did A LOT of soul searching and just decided that i didnt want to let other’s emotions dictate my actions.


you could just not have a Maid/Matron of Honor at all! keep the Bridal Party but no official Maid/Matron of Honor. i was in a wedding where this happened and we made it through just fine because we all loved the bride and wanted her to be happy. and ultimately that is what its all about, right? 

Post # 12
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

This is an easy answer…


Your wedding YOUR choice.


Choose your BFF.

Post # 13
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Well if you decide not to elope and you do go with a bridal party I would honestly choose your best friend. After reading through your whole post I think the answer is spelled out for you. I don’t know how you could go about getting your cousin off your back enough to inform her of your decision, and you may lose her friendship, but it doesn’t really sound like she’s a healthy person to be around in a general sense to begin with. You’re going to find that this wedding planning process becomes more and more stressful as time goes on and you need someone by your side who is going to support your marriage and your relationship with your husband.

Post # 14
3303 posts
Sugar bee

Choose the best friend. The cousin will get over it.

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