metheundercoverbee: How can I bring it up without hurting him? …especially since he didn’t ask my opinion on the ring
If my cousin were proposed to with a ring like that and later found out that I’d seen it in advance and not said anything, she would wring my neck, lol.
Even though she hasn’t discussed her ring preferences, I think it’s safe to assume that like 99% of women out there, she would be taken aback if not downright horrified by such a very specifically weird — sorry! — ring such as this one. Of course I’m only assuming. I don’t know her.
It’s the ring equivalent of a sparkly purple car with neon orange hub caps and striped green bumpers. Chances are pretty decent that she’s not going to be hunky dorey with flashing it on her hand every day for the rest of her life because “it’s the thought that counts.”
Better for him to feel hurt or even angry at you, than for this poor woman to get stuck with that ring. Yes there’s a chance she might love it, but as a fellow female with her best interests at heart, I wouldn’t take that chance.
Even though he hasn’t asked your opinion, I would speak up gently and say something like, “You know I’ve been thinking since you showed me that ring. And I thought that, as your friend, I would take a chance and speak up and give you a woman’s opinion about this. I can tell you put a lot of thought and effort into picking it out, so I know it’s important to you that she love the ring, and that is so sweet. It’s a very specific style of ring what with all the different colors, and over the course of a lifetime, she’s probably going to need something a little more simple and streamlined. Before you actually give her the ring, would you like me to show you some examples of very simple styles that might be a better fit for her, day in and day out?” You could also point out the types of clothes she wears, the way she does her hair, her nails, her makeup, whatever, as justification that something like a solitaire would go with everything.
There are several possible outcomes:
- He ignores you, gives the ring to her anyway, and she loves it. The worst thing they can both accuse you of is meddling with good intentions. You slither off, put a paper bag over your head, console yourself that you meant well and it will all blow over at some point.
- He ignores you, gives her the ring, she hates it with a passion. She decides to live with it because “it’s the thought that counts” and she will nevertheless be forever grateful to you for having at least tried.
- He ignores you, gives her the ring, she hates it with a passion. She works up the courage to ask him to exchange it for a more simple style and maybe he will actually listen this time, because you will have paved the way for her by bringing it up first. If he’s hearing the same message from both you and her, he is more likely to listen. Strength in numbers.
- Or heaven help us all, he might actually put her feelings above his ego and listen to you. And get her something more conventional.
Better for him to be p1ssed off at you than for her to get stuck with a ring that most of us can agree is a nightmare.
Sorry if I’ve been a little too blunt. I’m just trying to help. Good luck! I think you’re a good cousin for trying to think of ideas!