(Closed) Cousins marriage making be totally uncomfortable.

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I wouldn’t address the situation directly. I’d just try to keep her and her husband at arm’s length, change the subject when they make comments, etc. They’re making their dirty laundry everyone else’s business and it’s just not right.

Post # 5
Member
522 posts
Busy bee

I would suggest staying out of it completely.

If she makes an awkward comment just say something like “I’m sorry to hear that” and then direct the conversation to another topic.

My thinking is that she just wants to complain but will lash out at you if you try to suggest anything like divorce or marriage counseling.

Ultimately, it’s her life and if she wants to stay in a miserable situation there’s not much you can do 🙁

Post # 8
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I would stay out of this entirely.

Quite frankly you KNOW TOO MUCH as it stands.

(They seem to BOTH be talking inappropriately to others about their sex life… that is not cool.  And sooooo disrespectful to one another)

Next time someone brings it up in your presence you should say…

“Ya know, this is all very private… between You and ___”  (or between X & Y if it is someone else who mentions it)

“It is YOUR (their) Marriage… and I don’t care to be involved”…

And then be firm in sticking with that position.

 

Post # 10
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@Fruitypebbles193:  I’m sorry you keep getting put in this awkward position. Both your cousin and your cousin-in-law need to stop talking to you and start talking to a therapist. Or a divorce attorney. Or to each other. But at this point I think it would be more than fair for you to say they need to stop talking to you. They need to focus on what’s best for their child and maybe that means getting divorced. But it doesn’t involve talking behind each other’s backs to you.

So the next time they start ranting to you, I would just gently explain that you don’t think it’s a productive or healthy conversation and that they need to work together, whether that’s on maintaining their marriage or in separating in an amicable way.

Post # 11
Member
1399 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Fruitypebbles193:  It’s really hard when you see emotions being toyed with and people behaving badly, but try to stay out of it. Getting involved will probably make things very difficult and stressful for you in a lot of ways, and ultimately not help their marriage.

Post # 13
Member
559 posts
Busy bee

I personally HATE it when people spill out their relationship drama and talk bad about their spouses. What do they expect? That we feel bad for them, or that we tell them that our own relationship sucks-just to make them feel better? Or that we start ranting about their spouses as well? I am sure if YOU would say something mean about her husband she would not find that cool at all.

If you are close to your cousin, I would actually speak to her about it, instead of avoiding her, of course in privacy when the husband is not around.. I would tell her that the comments she makes, make everyone feel uncomfortable and that she is a bit harsh on him. Also how would SHE feel if he did that in front of other people? (Say he would criticize her for complaining and just spending his money etc?) I would try not to criticize her, but the comments your cousin makes are (IMO) plain disprespectful. It sounds like she doesn’t care much for this man.

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