(Closed) Cousins Not Invited…How Do I Tell Them?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Hostess
3369 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would call them befor ethe invitations (or meet in person, if you can). Tell them that you would love to have them there, but your budget only allows 24 people and you simply cannot exceed it. 

Ask them if they would be willing to go to dinner with Fiance to celebrate a week or so later.  Just you and all of them. That way they still feel included in a celebration. 🙂

Post # 4
Member
9630 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

Call them to explain the limited numbers situation 🙂

Post # 6
Member
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I kinda feel like it’s your mum’s mess to clean up? She was the one who promised things that it wasn’t her place to promise & didn’t check stuff with you, it should be her who makes the awkward call?

But yeah you’re in a tough spot – good luck!

Post # 7
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I don’t think you have to call them if you only see them once a year. Can you hold off in case some of your planned guests aren’t coming and you end up having room for them? 

I don’t think you have to call someone to tell them they are not invited. I do think you have to bring it up if they say something to you about planning on attending. 

Post # 8
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Just call them and explain your mom was excited and got verbal invite diarrhea and has way overcommitted. They’ll understand that your venue only holds 24 people. (These 3 cousins plus their SOs would be 25% of your guest list! Yikes!)

I’ve been the cousin that wasn’t invited. I didn’t mind at all. I’d much rather they had people that were and important part of their daily lives present, rather than family they mostly only see at holidays invited out of obligation. 🙂

Post # 9
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Just call them (before the invitations) and explain what happened. If they hear how bad you feel, I’m sure they’ll be understanding. 

Post # 10
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would ask my mom to handle it.

Post # 11
Member
12973 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would say that your mom should be the one to call them and explain.  If she doesn’t want to, you should call and explain that your mother didn’t have the accurate information and that you are unable to invite them.  Be very apologetic.  I know that in my family, it would definitely cause a lot of tension to not invite cousins, so you really have to be concerned and aware of that.

good luck!

Post # 12
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

It’s rude to tell people that they aren’t invited. You don’t need to call them at all. They will figure out that they aren’t invited when they don’t recieve an invitation. If they call and ask you about it you can explain that you are having a small 24 people wedding. Since you only see these people once a year I’m gathering that you aren’t that close anyway. Stop stressing about it. If your mom has told them that they are invited than it is her responsibility to clean up that mess.

Post # 14
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I would send a heartfelt email.  Then you can make sure you include everything you want in it (only 24 total invited, none of FI’s extended family coming, you love them and don’t want this to create tension, etc) without rambling through it all.  Then, they also have time to digest the situation too.  Let them know you’d be happy to talk to them more in person about it as well, but just be honest and sincere that this is a really hard thing for you to do so you thought email would be the best appraoch. 

Post # 15
Member
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@islanderbride:  

Lifelong tension? Really? I don’t think I’ve ever held a grudge against anyone for not inviting me to their wedding when it comes to extended family. Your reasoning is completely justified. I would just send a nice card or email explaining the situation and leave it at that.

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