(Closed) Cousins wedding…

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Surely they would understand that your FSIL’s graduation is super important to you and wouldn’t hold a grudge against you by not attending your wedding! Family is supposed to be understanding. Let them know the situation and hope for the best! Maybe you can swing by the wedding during the reception after the graduation?

Post # 4
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

First of all, welcome!! And ugh, I hate facebook when it comes to weddings. I wish people would stop inviting others via facebook or talking about the wedding at all until after it happens.

Second, I’ve come across this same dilemmna myself when planning my wedding. There are actually 2 cousin college graduations the same day as our wedding and we struggled with the wedding vs. graduation argument.

In our opinion (mine and FI) graduations are awful tortorous days with long drawn out speeches by ‘important’ people you’ve never met, never showed their faces on campus all 4 years. They are usually in the hot sun or elements or at least uncomfortable seats. No one wants to be there and most family leaves the SECOND the graduate walks across the stage. It is just awful. I don’t know why anyone would choose to go to a graduation over a wedding if it were 100% up to them.

That said, I honestly also think weddings are a bigger deal. Not that it isn’t a huge accomplishment to graduate from college, but I think a wedding is more inviting for family and friends to celebrate, they are there to witness the actual marriage and the graduation is more of a chance for the college/university to shine, not the graduate. It’s too bad you will have to miss the graduation party which is the chance to make a big deal over the graduate, but I’m sure if that same graduate were getting married, he/she would rather you go to his wedding than someone else’s graduation.

Post # 6
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree weddings are a big deal, but I also don’t think you shouldn’t play down someone’s graduation.  I mean is this an undergrad graduation or masters or what?  Either way, someone worked their butt off through school and I don’t think it’s fair to act like it isn’t a big deal. 

I think it just comes down to what you really want to go to.

Post # 7
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

@shaydenise – I do think graduations are a big deal, it’s a huge accomplishment for sure regardless of undergrad, masters, etc. But more so than being a huge deal I think they are awful to have to sit through and a huge pain in the a$$. And really, it’s just a chance for the college to shine and whatever random speech givers they managed to book for the day. Unless my life were in danger, I would never ever choose to go to a graduation over a wedding and would be so happy to have an excuse to skip the graduation.

@Junebug – I’m glad you agree! I’m just being honest and actually you are in a good position to choose whichever event you’d rather attend. I vote for the wedding though! Hooray for free booze, food and dancing instead of sitting in an uncomfortable metal foldout chair 2 miles away from the stage squinting and about to pass out from heat exhaustion.

Post # 8
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

While I think both are major points in someone’s life, I’m in the wedding being more important camp.  FI’s aunt, auncle & cousins have a cousin on their other side of the family graduation party the same day as our wedding, but they’re dropping off a card and skipping the party for our wedding.  To be honest, my own 2 brothers skipped my college graduation, and I didn’t care in the slightest.  After 9 million hours of speeches, the university commencement, my individual college commencement AND my specific major commencement I wish I MYSELF had skipped it;)

Post # 9
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I have to say, I’d choose the wedding!  Its a huge event, not to take away from the college graduation.  I’m sure your Future Sister-In-Law would be much more understanding than your cousin and that side of the family.  You’ can still support your Future Sister-In-Law and show that this milestone is still important to you.

Post # 11
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Can you go to one and the party for the other? Is there anyway you can swing into both? I know they’re on opposite sides of town but is it feasible to be present at both for a short amount of time?

Post # 12
Member
572 posts
Busy bee

i think you should go to your cousin’s wedding and just get your Future Sister-In-Law an awesome graduation/I’m sorry i couldnt attend gift!

Happy shopping!

Post # 14
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would compromise and go to some portion of both. Like wedding ceremony and fsil grad party like you just mentioned.

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