(Closed) cousins wedding

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
1552 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

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theresabow:  Are you sure she did not invite your brother? Have you heard that she is not inviting the entire family? If so, you should not ask about your brothers invite. IF you are not sure that she did not mean to actually invite him… then ask… maybe it was lost in the mail. However, the bride and groom are allowed to invite whom they wish. Being related to either of them does not mean you are automatically invited… even if your parents are invited it does not mean all of your siblings need to be.

You stated your brother “doesn’t communicate with her regularly”…. The bride may feel she does not have a relationship with your brother, therefore he does not have to have an invite.

 

Post # 3
Member
1992 posts
Buzzing bee

Sounds like your brothers are just not close to this cousin. What exactly do you think will come out of telling her that someone who wasn’t invited to her wedding “will be happy to attend?” Do you actually think she’s going to rearrange her guest to include someone she barely talks to? If he’s so happy for her and wants to support her he can send her a nice letter or a gift, not use a middle man to wrangle an invitation to her wedding.

Post # 5
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

As much as it may make sense to you to invite the other relatives, or as much as it may hurt you that your brothers were not invited, your cousin and her fiancé have a budget to stick to.  if they start making exceptions for this or that family member, and then they will feel like have to start making exceptions for other family members.I think that it also could create some animosity between your cousin and you if you say to her who you think she should invite,  or if she feels like you’re trying to make her look like a bad guy for not inviting your brothers. You can just tell her that your brother is really happy and excited that she’s getting married, and leave it to her to decide if she wants to extend an invitation to anyone else.

Post # 7
Member
275 posts
Helper bee

Don’t get involved. I have been on the receiving end of this (as the bride) and it is very frustrating and stressful. It could be finances, it could be the relationship, or the invitation could have been lost in the mail. If it’s the latter, the bride will contact your brother once she realizes she has not received an rsvp.

Post # 8
Member
1552 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

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theresabow:  It seems like your brother wants to go more for the wedding not because he wants to see the wedding…

He CAN NOT go in place of your parents. The invite is only for those named on the invite, not an open seat for anyone in your family.

Post # 9
Member
986 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

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theresabow:  Honestly it sounds like your brother just isn’t close to your cousin.  If I was in your cousin’s position, I wouldn’t invite some cousin who I haven’t heard from in years, especially if I was the one paying for it

Post # 11
Member
1189 posts
Bumble bee

If its family only, did she mean to include your brothers with your parent’s invite? It’s not the “proper” etiquette way of inviting but maybe she didn’t have their address or knew they moved out or whatever.

Post # 12
Member
2125 posts
Buzzing bee

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theresabow:  OK I haven’t read all of the comments here but you TOTALLY could be my cousin. I’m getting married and I have a girl cousin with two older brothers. I talk to my girl cousin fairly regularly (once a month or so) but haven’t spoken to her brothers in years. However; I still invited both of them to the wedding and was horrified to learn, from my cousin, a couple of months ago that neither of her brothers had received their invitations. I told her to PLEASE let them know that they were absolutely invited and I would love to have them at the wedding. 

If you’re at all close to your cousin, please reach out to her and ask! You don’t have to be snarky about it, but if the invite WAS lost in the mail, you could seriously save some hurt feelings all around (his, for feeling like he wasn’t invited, and hers, if she thinks he just didn’t bother to RSVP). 

Post # 13
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2016

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theresabow:  even though it’s uncomfortable for your brother to communicate with her about the situation I would suggest he gets in touch and says something like “I know your wedding is coming up and I would love to attend the ceremony if there is room”. If he really cares about the wedding then would it matter if he only goes to the ceremony?

Post # 14
Member
7522 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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theresabow:  It is up to the bride and groom who they invite. Unfortunately your brother is just going to have to suck it up. In life we don’t always get what we want and we shouldn’t feel entitled to those things, especially if we are not paying for them.

If by chance your brothers invitation did indeed get lost then this will become apparent to the bride after she doesn’t recieve an rsvp to the invite. The bride should call up and enquire about it. You or your brother however should not call her and enquire about if that is a possiblty. Why because how embarrassing for both her and you for her to be put on the spot and explain that she never intended to invite your brother. Or worse she goes over her budget because she feels pressured by your brothers demand to be invited. 

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