- 4 years ago
- Wedding: October 2014
Ok. So a little info – both FI and I have large families (lots of cousins, aunts/uncles, etc.) and I’ve got about 30 FIRST cousins just on my dad’s side. My FI has only 5 first cousins, but lots of aunts and uncles, and all of his cousins (and most of mine) have SO’s. We want NO MORE than 150 guests, mainly because we are trying to stay within our budget while having our dream wedding, and we really only want people there that really mean something to us. I should also mention, NO children apart from the flower girl and ring bearer.
I am not that close with my extended family because they, for the most part, live across the country in one city, all within a 1 hour driving distance of each other and the only time we see most of them is when we travel back for reunions, etc. Most of them have never met my FI. The only family members that have visited us (and vice versa if they live away as well) are those that we speak with on a semi-regular basis and are obviously more close with. My FI’s family are mostly local to us.
This leads me to my vent and I’m curious if anyone has thoughts/suggestions on this! My cousin and his wife live in that one city, we will call her Jane for simplicity. Jane texted as soon as we put it up on FB that we were engaged, saying that she couldn’t wait to come to the wedding and she already told her husband they are going to sight-see a few areas with their (young) kids while out here. I was shocked because, A) it was literally the day after we got engaged that she texted, and B) isn’t is normal to WAIT FOR AN INVITE?! That being said, I hadn’t/haven’t reached out to her at all about the wedding simply because we didn’t have them on the guest list – I know that there will be hurt feelings no matter what, and I’m trying to avoid that as MUCH as possible BUT I really had only anticipated inviting cousins that I’ve spoken to within the last several months (maybe 5-6 and then their spouses). I haven’t posted ANYTHING wedding related on my facebook page either, trying to avoid this type of ‘interest’.
Fast-forward to this past weekend, she sends me a message on facebook asking when the ‘big day’ is. I tried to be vague and said we’re looking at next October. She asks a few more questions, I continue to be vague, and she responds, “Either way, we’ll be there!” I haven’t responded because I have no idea what to say. I know that by not responding she may think that everything is fine, so I’m in a bind.
I feel sooo flattered that she wants to come to the wedding, but what in the world do I do about this?! My mom thinks I just need to bite the bullet and invite her (my parents are paying) but we are all appalled that she has acted this way. I suppose there are worse things, but I just feel as though if I invite them, I’d then have to invite WAY more cousins that I don’t speak with either, and we are already not initially inviting a few friends that we’d love to include if we get declines! Ah! Thoughts?!