(Closed) Covering at a wedding

posted 3 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 16
Member
2626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Sorry, I would find it very odd to see anyone in a veil other than the bride.  I grew up Catholic, and have never once seen a woman wearing a veil in church (other than a bride at her own wedding).  As long as you are not planning on wearing a white, cream, or ivory veil, you should be able to make it work though- just keep it small and understated.  However, if you would rather just drop out, feel free to do that too.

Post # 17
Member
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

If the covering were a standalone issue, I’d think there would be some way to find a middle ground: using a smaller one, adjusting your hair, the other bridesmaids covering too, etc.  It all depends on how ardently you feel you need to wear a covering in Church. If you really feel that it would be impossible for you to enter a Church without one, tell her you’d prefer to attend as a guest. If it’d just be weird, or you just feel awkward without it, and you’re just waffling on the issue, I’d skip the covering just this once and let God know you did it for your friend. 

However, the fact that the bride is being demanding, asking you to bake cakes and pay for her jewelry and that two bridesmaids have dropped out already makes it different. Drop out and be done with it. 

Post # 18
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee

It isn’t something you’d need to wear all day or even draw attention to. Can you wear a scarf of shawl type thing, pull it up and over when the mass starts and remove when it is done? If not, you can always leave it on the front pew and grab it when mass starts and remove it after. I don’t know why it’s an issue to her and that would be the last straw with me. How people choose to pray is a very personal thing. 

Post # 20
Member
2626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

View original reply
bridesmaid250 :  ah, I understand better now.  Thanks for the clarification.  I think you should be able to wear a non-white/ivory head covering during the mass.  That seems fine to me, personally.  You even plan on taking it off when it isn’t during the mass, so it won’t be like it’s showing up in all of the formal pictures…

I think you’ve been good to provide options like wearing something smaller, and hair colored, and only during the mass.  If the bride isn’t ok with that option, I think I would drop out of the wedding.  It seems like it’s more hassle than it’s worth (taking the cake and paying for the jewlery into consideration)….  But you’ll have to decide if that would be a friendship ender or not-  and how much you value the friendship…

Post # 21
Member
637 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
bridesmaid250 :  If you were asking to wear a long white veil, I would understand the bride’s concern. However, you are being MORE than reasonable asking to wear something subtle, or even a headband. Your “friend” needs to respect your religious beliefs, end of story. You are a person, with thoughts and feelings, not a decoration or a prop. 

Post # 22
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

What if you put your veil or headband at your seat prior to the mass? I assume you would be at your seat for most of the ceremony.  You could wear it discreetly while you are at your seat and praying, but would be without it for the entrance and exit which are really the only times most people will be looking at you.

Post # 24
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
bridesmaid250 :  I wouldn’t ask her. What you do at your seat is your personal business. It doesn’t affect her wedding or her vision. Do you. 

Post # 25
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

 I agree that you don’t need to tell her.  But if you really feel like you need to mention it, phrase it as a statement and not a question.  “Oh by the way, as a compromise, I will only wear the headband while seated during Mass since no one will be looking at me at that point anyways…” Don’t give her an opening to say no. 

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