Post # 1
How is COVID-19 affecting your overall relationship/wedding/TTC timeline? If so, how?
We want two kiddos, so I’m feeling anxious already, and how COVID-19 may potentially push this back even more….
- I am turning 32 this fall (DBF is same age)
- DBF and I have discussed to get engaged over the next 6 months.
- Getting married: We’ve discussed getting married NEXT fall (2021) giving us about a year to plan a wedding.
- 34 would be the age we TTC for Baby #1 or so
- 38 would be the age we TTC for Baby #2
But with COVID-19 pushing weddings back, I imagine key weekend dates for venues will be severely impacted.
🙁 Finally–if we plan to live together and settle into a home for about a year before TTC, I would be 34, which means I’d give birth (assuming we’d get pregant right away) at 35. Realistically, I know this is a challenge for lots of couples.
Given our discussions above, and the current environment, what advice would you share?
Post # 2
My husband and I are already married so COVID-19 is only effecting our TTC timeline. We were planning on starting TTC in July (after I turn 30) but now we are in wait and see mode. We’re hoping we can still start trying at least some time this year.
Personally, if we weren’t already married I wouldn’t want to let COVID-19 effect my timeline too much. There’s no reason it should stop you from getting engaged. And if you can get a marriage license you can get married. In your position I’d keep with the timeline as planned. Figure stuff out as you go. Will it possibly be harder to find an open date because of weddings from this year that were postponed…maybe. Most people aren’t moving their fall weddings yet though and most people with spring weddings moved them to spring 2021, not fall 2021. I wouldn’t necessarily assume that key wedding dates will be severely impacted.
Post # 3
I agree completely. We’re in the same boat.
D.H. and I are 31 and had planned to start TTC in July. We’re waiting to see how things progress, but I’m not feeling optimistic that things will be ok, or that we won’t have a second peak in the fall/winter. If we were not already married and living together, I don’t think I would push off getting engaged or moving in. I would not be too worried about Fall 2021 yet – it sounds like you’ll be getting engaged soon, and will be able to find an open date for next fall depending on how far in advance your area usually books up.
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2020 - Santa Barbara
Yes! It’s really making me depressed! We planned on getting married in October of this year so I don’t know if that’s even going to happen? Also I don’t know if we we will be able to get married at all this year. We planned to start trying right after the wedding because he will be 35 and I will be 34 at that time. Now I’m thinking of just saying screw it and eloping when we can but not sure about concieving due to COVID 19 and how long it will last.
Post # 5
Like hikingbride, I’m already married, but I wouldn’t let this derail our plans. If this had all been happening last year, we would have gone to the courthouse and planned a reception for the future. It is impacting TTC though, which sucks. I am 31, DH is 41, we want 2-3 kids (and not back to back), so I’m feeling the time crunch. At the end of the day, there’s never a perfect time, but there are certainly better non-pandemic times.
I’d argue that now is the time to put marriage over the wedding, since it’s making it clear there are never any guarantees about health. Marriage brings legal and financial benefits in case the worst case happens.
Post # 6
- Wedding: May 2021 - Smoky Mountains
I’m 32, and we were supposed to get married about 2 weeks before I turn 33. We have postponed our wedding so now by the time we actually get married, I will be 3 weeks from turning 34. This has definitely affected my timeline. We are hopeful for two healthy babies but I always imagined we would have our first after about a year of being married, but now that would mean first baby by 35 or so.
I won’t get any younger, and I know there is really not a lot we can do at this time, but it does make me sad. I just want to have a healthy baby, and my fears of having a baby around age 35+ do make me nervous. I know there are many women who have had healthy babies at that age, but there is still that possibility and risk. What if I don’t?
Post # 7
mnk88 : mnk88 :
Thank you for shaing so candidly. <3 It definitely makes me feel validated for thinking so “far” into the future, when really, these events DO matter, and CAN change things. Hearing your perspective is super helpful and wishing you the best 🙂
Post # 8
- Wedding: May 2021 - Smoky Mountains
That’s a very kind response, as I don’t feel my reply is really helpful in any way other than just confirming that yes, this has definitely affected our timeline as well, you are not alone in it at all.
I’m a bit depressed today so I apologize if I was too candid, lately some days are better than others but I’m just trying to take it day by day — what else can we do, you know?
Post # 9
I know these are crazy times right now, but honestly planning out the next five years of your life is pretty hard to do under the best of circumstances. Who know what issues you could face in the next few years. There could be a move to a new city, a new job, an illness, fertility issues, family issues, house issues, etc. Try not to get too caught up in long term ideals, and take things as they come. Few people’s timelines turn out the way they expected!
Post # 10
Thanks! That’s such great perspective to hold. Unfortunately–maybe it’s the realist in me, but I feel like I tend to focus on the “unplanned” or “unpredictable” as negative/assuming the worst. But you’re right! This ah-hah moment, is also about realizing the positive ways in which things can be unexpected, too. <3
Post # 11
It is pushing my engagement/wedding timeline back a bit. I had wanted to get engaged this spring (we have the ring but it needs to be resized and he wants to do a proposal so I’m respecting that) and then a small wedding in November. That is probably going to be changed now, but I do think it will support my want of a small wedding where he has always wanted a bigger one! Lol we don’t want kids so that pressure is not on us, but I do feel for everyone working with a TTC timeline as that is more crucial than a wedding timeline, I feel.
Post # 12
I know this post is a year old now, but I just wanted to share my feelings. I’ll be 31 by the time we get married in July (we’re certain we can get married in July, just whether or not the UK will look the way we want it to for our reception is the question – but I can deal with that). I am very keen to have the honeymoon of my dreams which realistically we probably can’t do until at least this time next year, due to where we would want to go and my job (I work in healthcare and cannot risk having to isolate for 2 weeks when we come back on top of 2 weeks of leave). I don’t want to start trying until after our honeymoon; because I don’t want to risk being pregnant and not being able to enjoy all of it to the full whilst we’re there. I also don’t want to go on a big holiday and come back and get pregnant immediately after – I feel I’ve got a few things to do yet before I have kids (for instance, I am very keen to run a marathon which will require at least another years training first). pLU if the rest of the world doesn’t calm down until early next year then we won’t be booking anything; and prices will be sky high for when we want to go so we may need to postpone that until late 2022. Then next thing you know, I’ll be heading for 33 before we even start trying for a kid. It’s suspected that I have PCOS so actually concieving may take a while. And like you say – whilst many people do have healthy kids in this day and age at a later age such as after 35/40, there’s so many reasons why I don’t want to wait that long.
Not just the health of the baby, but also my health and recovery after birth, and the inevitable problems that will arise when we’re older anyway – I work with older adults and it terrifies me to think I could be 70 with a major illness that takes my life very early before I even get grandkids of my own (I work in palliative care so I think about this a lot, which doesn’t help!). Or even the stress of having to move a kid to uni when they’re 18 and I’m 58 – I don’t want that!