- 7 years ago
- Wedding: December 2017
Let me preface this by saying that I know I totally broke etiquette rules when it comes to our guest list but we truly felt like we had no other choice. I appreciate any responses to my post but please refrain from saying that we shouldn’t have done it to begin with since that isn’t constructive at this point. Thank you to anyone who gets through this insanely long post.
I manage a prom dress store and have worked there for close to 10 years. I started as a sale consultant and worked my way up and so I have known quite a few of my employees for a number of years. Since I am a workaholic, I will admit to being much closer to my employees than I am to most of my friendsor even my family. However, since my staff is all female and mostly younger (except for my exboyfriend…awwwwkward), gossip plays a big role. I work very hard to ensure that no one can discuss my quality of work or my dedication and try to put a stop to any rumors I hear about other employees since it can effect morale in a big way. However, it seems like anytime I joke with an employee or ask someone to complete a project for me, someone acuses me of favortism (usually it is the same person).
With this in mind when it came to doing my wedding invites, I knew I had to chose between inviting no one (other than the store owner and my two assistant managers) and inviting everyone (which would be nearly impossible since we are having our reception in our backyard, have huge families, and space is extremely limited). I was fine with inviting just my boss and my comanagers until my boss decided to throw me a bridal shower for the staff. I requested that no one bring gifts (and to even do a joint shower with some of my fellow brides) but both requests were denied. I would feel absolutely horrible having them attend a bridal shower for me but not having them be invited to the wedding so after discussing it with my Fiance, we decided to invite all of my staff without a +1 (even for people who are married, engaged, or living with a significant other). I did talk to quite a few people about it beforehand to make sure they would feel comfortable attending as a group without their SO or their families and they all agreed and were excited. I then asked them to spread the word to other staff members so it wouldn’t come as a surprise when they received their invites.
Well, invites went out last week, and I have had 2 corworkers RSVP for additional people (despite their names being the only ones on the invite). One coworker just wrote me a nice note saying that if we had the extra room her two sisters would love to come. I know that sounds weird but one was an employee until she was switched to an oncall status earlier this month due to hour shortage, and the other was around the store A LOT and did us a lot of favors since both of her sisters worked for me. Also, before this job I worked for their older brother at another retail store so I have known the family for a very long time. The next time I saw this coworker, I just nicely explained that we are having issues fitting everyone into the space but I will be sure to let her know if we have anyone decline because I would love to accomodate her sisters. I know if I have to tell her its not possible she will be nice and understanding.
My question is how to handle the second coworker. She RSVPd yes for her Fiance who I have seen one time and have never personally talked to. This employee was expected to work this summer but at the last minute was switched to on call status so I won’t be spending any time with her before my wedding. Even when we did work together I wouldn’t consider us to be close. No one else from my work group is expecting to bring their SOs. She is also getting married this summer so I figured she would know the invite is only addressed to her (then again, I am getting married this summer so maybe she figured I would know that the invite should also extend to him haha). I will be attending her wedding with the rest of my management team but we will not be bringing +1s even though they were invited.
My question is: Should I contact coworker #2 immediately to let her know that at this point I do not have the space for her soon to be husband but I will let her know if that changes? Do I wait to see if I have space before I address her about the situation since I am pretty sure she won’t take it well? Do I just allow her to bring him? The last option kind of bothers me since no one else from my work is planning on bringing anyone and we had to be very selective with the rest of our guestlist but I dont want to be a bridezilla about this either.
Thanks to anyone who made it through this crazy long novel of a post.