Coworker may be interested in my husband??

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
7814 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I’d be side eyeing her a bit too, though it’s hard to tell from the examples you gave whether she really has a thing for your husband or is just generally an extremely outgoing, kinda flirty person. From everything you’ve written it sounds like your husband is not amused by her antics and is certainly not encouraging her at all. So even if she does try something, who cares? Your husband doesn’t sound like the type that would entertain the idea. Therefore, I would not do anything about the situation. (Unless you’re worried that you can’t trust your husband for some reason.)

Post # 3
Member
3740 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

You can’t control other peoples actions, only your reactions. While it does sound like this girl has a thing for your hubby, it doesnt sound like he’s encouraging her. If it really bothers you and your husband agrees that her behavior is weird I would ask that he not respond to any messages that aren’t work related and that he make an effort to not engage in any personal conversations with her so she doesnt get the wrong idea. I dont think you have much to worry about though, it sounds like its entirely one-sided.

Post # 5
Member
4497 posts
Honey bee

I guess I’m confused by what you mean when you say what should you do because you’re afraid of what she will try?  Even if she is interested in your husband…It takes two people to have an affair.  She can’t force him to have an affair with her and “steal” him away – you can’t steal people who dont want to be stolen, even if he is in a dangerous position” (you do realize he is a grown man right?). And your husband seems like he is pretty clearly not interested in that and is shutting it down as kindly as he can considering he still has to work with her.  So unless the thing you’re afraid of is her trying to rape your husband, there really isn’t much else of your concern.  You only get to control you and your reaction and the only other actions you need to be concerned about are those from the guy who made vows to you.  And since we’ve already established he isn’t interested, that is about all you can do.  Be annoyed, but that is about it unless what you are really trying to tell us is you don’t trust your husband or your husband has zero control over where he sticks his dick unless you are keeping watch of it at all times – then that is a different problem altogether.

Post # 6
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee

She sounds super annoying. Talk to your husband about it and tell him you feel disrespected by her over-familiar behaviours.

ps. My hubby works with women like this too. He calls them “piranhas”, like little fish trying to nibble for attention lol. 

xo

Post # 7
Member
943 posts
Busy bee

kayt2 :  I would be thinking that since she is a co-worker, he could say to her, that she makes him uncomfortable and that if she doesnt change her behavior he wont have any choice but to report her to human resources for harassment. 

Post # 9
Member
4838 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

What a little tart! I thought that opening up this thread and reading it would make me think you are just an insecure wife but hot damn she is inappropriate, and the things you described made me cringe. Bikini and romper with ass hanging out? Texting your husband on Sunday night? Why the hell is she texting him after work? You have a gut feeling for a reason.  Tell your husband you’re uncomfortable with the amount of texts from her and have him cut her off short or block her number. There’s no need for her to have so much contact with him after work. And no pop by visits to your house, esp when she knew you might not be home! Helllllls no. I wouldn’t care if it made me look paranoid but better to put out a small fire than trying to hose down a wildfire later on. I wouldn’t trust her at all. 

Ps. You were so nice to her when she came to your house in her outfit. I am not so nice and would have told her her ”quite an outfit coming to visit my husband!” And her lap dance on her friend looking at your husband? I would have asked her what the hell she was doing. I understand that you’re an introvert but you have to speak up when this shit is going down and she’s disrespecting you.

Post # 10
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

She sounds exhausting. I think she’s laying it on pretty thick, and that much attention will send a man running for the hills, if it’s not wanted. So, don’t worry!

I hope she wouldn’t try what you’re worrying about, but if she dials it up even more at work, your husband should speak to HR first. Just in case.

Post # 11
Member
2139 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

lifeisbeeutiful :  my EXACT thoughts!!

kayt2 :  Bee you need to let her know next time she does something like this. Her outfit… PLANNED x1000. I’d never in a million years show up at a co-workers house in anything less than “mom on a field trip” length shorts. She did that on purpose and next time. Call Her. Out.

Post # 12
Member
2811 posts
Sugar bee

Yuck.. It does sound like she either has a crush or just wants his attention – both of which are irritating. She’s being pretty clever about it though and keeping it to interactions that she can verbally rationalize. But it seems like she’s slowly ramping up the behaviours after seeing how much she can get away with.

It sounds like your husband is doing a good job of maintaining boundaries and not encouraging her, but I think I’d have another conversation with him about backing up even further from the situation. People on a mission for attention like that don’t read the little behavioural clues. He’ll likely need to be pretty blatantly cold to her. Not mean, but not exactly friendly either. No house visits, no texting about non-work related things etc. 

It doesn’t sound like she’s a direct threat to your marriage since it takes two to cheat, but that doesn’t mean she should get to go on disrespecting you and your marriage like that. 

Post # 13
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

She sounds extremely obnoxious. Imagine if the genders were reversed and it were a male employee acting like this toward a female!  But like others have said, it seems like your husband is doing everything right, considering she’s a coworker so he can’t really just tell her to f*ck off.

But I think when she texts with something unrelated to work he should just not respond. Maybe she’ll get the hint, maybe not, but at least it can’t be misconstrued as him encouraging it. 

Post # 14
Member
9588 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

Yeah.. definitely some of the examples were concerning.. especially the pulling him aside to tell him she is now single thing.. and the weird lapdance thing..

It does sound entirely one-sided, and hopefully if he continues to shoot her down she’ll take the hint and move on.  (perhaps even a bit more forcefully e.g. next time she sends him a series of texts asking for help he respond something like “check youtube, they’re pretty helpful.  Good luck!” and then just.. stop replying.  That sort of stuff.  Not rude, just.. distant.)

Post # 15
Member
2235 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Wow I HOPE she has a crush, because if she acts like this around a guy she just considers a friend, can you imagine how strong she’d come on to the poor bastard she DOES want to date? 

 

If you’re truly worried she’ll seek revenge after being shot down, all your husband needs to do is make sure he’s never alone with her. And I’d ignore the texts if I were him. It just encourages her. Even responding to tell her he can’t text with her is still attention and I wouldn’t feed into that. 

 

I find it completely inappropriate to ask a coworker if you can come over to their house. I think he should have said no to that one. 

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