- 2 years ago
- Wedding: October 2017
Together for 5 years. Married for 1 year. We have a 3 year old daughter.
My husband is a very helpful, nice, charismatic guy. He loves to help people and teach people new things…especially if he’s teaching people stuff related to his hobbies (mountain biking, woodworking, fishing, camping, and cars). He is also very handy around the house and is 100% willing to lend a helping hand when possible.
He has a female coworker about our age hasn’t done or said anything obviously inappropriate, as far as I’m aware, but all of her actions combined have started to make me feel a little uncomfortable. When I brought this up, my husband was very understanding because he “[agrees] that she can be very flirty”; however, he says she isn’t any more flirtatious with him than she is anyone else (I disagree), but that he would try to be more conscious and cautious in his interactions with her.
<li style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 16px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘.SF UI Text’; color: #454545;”>When she first started at the company, she was left with a bunch of work with no background, history, or direction. My husband spent a lot of time (during work hours) to show her the ropes and help her since he couldn’t go forward with a big project without her part being completed and because he felt bad for her. This did not bother me at all, but I am now wondering if she may have misinterpreted his intentions.
<li style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 16px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘.SF UI Text’; color: #454545;”>I finally met her at the holiday party in December. She brought her boyfriend. She saw us driving up to the venue and started jumping up and down, waving her arms, excited to see my husband. She proceeded to be very, very in my face and overly enthusiastic the entire night. I was very overwhelmed (since I am much more of an introvert). Apparently she, at some point, told my husband how amazing she thought I was, how much she loved me, and how she wanted to be my best friend.
<li style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 16px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘.SF UI Text’; color: #454545;”>My husband and some male coworkers decided to start a mountain biking group that rides once or twice a week. They’re all very experienced and go on difficult rides. This same coworker kept asking my husband if she could go riding with them, and he told her no because the rides were too difficult for a beginner. Again, no problems with this. I saw it is her wanting to participate in an activity with her colleagues.
<li style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 16px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘.SF UI Text’; color: #454545;”>My husband and I were building a planter box for our patio. He posted pictures on social media and some of his coworkers saw it. Suddenly, this same female coworker (they’re not friends on any social media platform) wanted to learn how to do woodworking and decided to build a planter box as well. She spent all weekend texting him asking for advice and help. After getting a series of 5 text at 10 or 11 on a Sunday night, he commented on how annoyed he was of her texts and didn’t reply. The next day she talked about how difficult it was to put everything together all by herself. She asked how he was able to hold things together and he said that I usually help him with big builds. She commented that next time he needs to come over and help her.
<li style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 16px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘.SF UI Text’; color: #454545;”>Another coworker was hosting a housewarming party for herself. A group of about 20 coworkers were invited. This same previously mentioned coworker, who was previously overly nice to me, acknowledged me only twice at this 4 hour long event despite sitting at the same table as me for a majority of the event. The first acknowledgement was to say my new, short hair cut “is…uh….sassy!”, followed by a giggle. As someone turned on music, she proceeded to give a female coworker (one of her close friends) a lap dance while staring at my husband. At the end of the dance, her eyes darted to mine and she stopped dancing. At this point, I was starting to feel uncomfortable, but hoped that she had just too much to drink.
<li style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 16px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘.SF UI Text’; color: #454545;”>On the way home from the party mentioned above, my husband randomly mentioned this coworker. He said that she had pulled him aside at work the previous week to privately tell him that she and her boyfriend had broken up a little bit ago. My husband said he felt super awkward because he didn’t know what to say. All he could think to do was apologize. I agreed that the interaction was a little odd, but still wasn’t too bothered by it.
<li style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 16px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘.SF UI Text’; color: #454545;”>My husband’s work team had decided to have a happy hour on a Friday afternoon which usually consists of soccer, corn hole, giant Jenga (all left over crafts my husband built for our wedding), and some alcohol. His entire team is a group of men. Well, this same female coworker was upset that she wasn’t invited to the happy hour. After explaining the happy hour was supposed to be a group bonding thing for just this specific team, she still found a way for her team to be invited to the happy hour as well. I’m only adding this because, in hind sight, I’m wondering if it’s important. My husband usually leaves early from these happy hours, so the jenga and corn hole get left at work until Monday or Tuesday.
<li style=”margin: 0px; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 16px; line-height: normal; font-family: ‘.SF UI Text’; color: #454545;”>On Thursday, my husband took a day off of work to work on a personal project. Shortly after I got home, he accidentally cut off part of his finger. After getting home from the hospital, he told a couple coworkers what had happened and why he wouldn’t be at work on Friday and maybe not the following week. This female coworker, on Saturday, texted my husband asking if she could come over that day to borrow our corn hole set for a birthday party she was going to and to come over and see how my husband was doing because she had heard about his accident. He told her that it was okay but to bring someone with her because he wouldn’t be able to help her get it in the car and he wasn’t sure I would be back from running errands in time to help her get it out of our garage either. She said she could do it all by herself and that she didn’t mind rummaging through our garage as long as he kept her company….I thought this was weird. The game had been sitting at work for a while and I would presume she’s known about the birthday party for more than 24 hours. I don’t see why she would feel the need to come check on him since he has a wife to help him while he’s injured. I also was trying to calm myself down because I could have been jumping to conclusions. Then, she showed up. I was home and had already pulled the corn hole set out, so it was readily available. She showed up in a bikini with a romper cover up; however, her romper didn’t quite cover her butt and had a design in the middle that showed her entire midriff. While I understand she was on her way to a birthday party, I didn’t think the outfit was very appropriate to wear in front of a married colleague whose wife may not have been home when she knew she may be there for more than a couple minutes and that she may have had to trample through this married man’s garage in something that doesn’t quite cover her ass.
The last interaction is really the only situation that bothered me. Looking back on all the other situations, I’m now wondering if maybe she’s a little interested in my husband. There is a small group of colleagues that seem to be becoming close friends, as they have been all spending more time together out of the office. I really don’t want to start asking my husband not to spend time with his friends because I think it is very important and healthy for each of us to have hobbies and friendships outside of our marriage, but I’m not sure that I can trust what this female coworker will try to do while I am not around…especially while drinking. As much as i would like for him to suggest that the events are family-centered events, almost none of these people have kids and most of them aren’t even in relationships, let alone married. Any advice on what I can do about the situation?