Coworker may be interested in my husband??

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
604 posts
Busy bee

Bee, i would talk to your husband & tell him your uncomfortable w/ her behaviour.

Bc her showing up at your house in a bikini & a romper & calling him after hrs after work is just ridiculous, why on earth would this woman need to call him after hours. Sounds like your hubby will have to set some major boundaries & tell her only contact him if it involves work related things & nothing else because if she continues to engage contact w/ him over non-related work issues she most definitely is disrespecting you & your marriage. 

Good luck! 

Post # 17
Member
782 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Tacoma, WA

Oh yeah I would definitely be irritated by alllll of this. Good for your hubby for having some boundaries in place, but like others have said, I think he’s going to need to be more blatant about it and stop trying to be nice to spare her feelings (which is what I assume he’s been doing). Same goes for you. If you’re around when this happens, muster up all the courage you need and march over to her and tell her she’s being inappropriate and it’s not appreciated and she needs to back tf off immediately.

In my experience, women like this will keep ramping up their behavior based on what they get away with. If she gets away with these little things, there is no doubt in my mind she’ll turn up the volume eventually, though probably gradually, until she’s got your hubby in a highly-uncomfortable position. And neither of you want that, so it’s best to show her NOW that she’s not going to get away with ANY of it.

Good luck!

Post # 18
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

You can’t control how another grown woman thinks, feels or behaves.

Surely it only matters if she fancies your husband and acts/dresses inappropriately around him if you don’t trust him not to act on it….. 

Post # 19
Member
895 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
sensiblesusie :  That is not a good attitude to take. If this was a man at work doing these things to a female, you and I would all be screaming run to HR because its wholly inappropriate for them to pull a female aside and say my girlfriend and I split up. Its wholly inappropriate to be giving a lap dance to someone while staring someone else down. Its wholly inappropriate to show up at a co-workers home barely dressed. 

You are right that the OP has no say so where the woman is concerned, she may tell her husband and he can rectify the situation, but if the woman over steps he can and should go to HR. 

Men can be the victims of overly aggressive women in the form of sexual harassment. Its clear that when she showed up half dressed at their home she was going to try to initiate something. He would say no thank you and tell her to keep it professional and report her for harassment if her behavior doesnt stop. 

Post # 21
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Mrs.MilitaryBee – in *your* opinion.  

Lets agree to disagree.

 

Post # 22
Member
5115 posts
Bee Keeper

I think your husband is being very obtuse. He may not have any interest in her, but she’s clearly interested in him. I’d tell him to put an end to texting that isn’t about work, and to make sure that he is never, ever alone with her. I’m getting a real bad vibe from this one.

Post # 24
Member
969 posts
Busy bee

I stopped reading at …she could pick up cornhole by herself. Way to much going on here. Honestly, your husband could’ve and should’ve shut this down a long time ago. He likes the attention.  I hope to God he’s not triangulating you. 

Post # 25
Member
1579 posts
Bumble bee

Oh she definitely wants to bang your husband. 

Post # 26
Member
1373 posts
Bumble bee

I would also like to add that she’s playing the typical damsel role and I think he’s either consciously or subconsciously enjoying this. 

Not being rude but as a married man with a child he really needs to man up and nip this in the bud. My dad is a university prof and he had a phd student once who seemed to always need his help and pop up at his office late. Like your husband, he also likes to help and teach people. Anyway she became obsessed with him and started calling the house etc etc and the whole thing blew up and there was so much drama. He learnt really quick to stop these things early in their tracks, set boundaries and to override his inclincation to help people all the time. My mum was well pissed off at his stupidity but luckily they got over it. 

Post # 27
Member
2082 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I’m going to agree with the pp’s that you can’t control this woman or her actions.  You need to trust your husband to shut this down asap.  That being said, I get the feeling that he’s being too nice and not wanting to hurt her feelings.  His reticence could potentially blow up in his face as she COULD very well react in the manner that you’re afraid of.  Sooooo he needs to have that uncomfortable conversation B4 she becomes really overt. Happyjuju’s example above is a perfect way to convince DH that he needs to take care of this sooner rather than later.  Being too nice ain’t worth the drama….cause drama she is.

Post # 28
Member
1580 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

View original reply
kayt2 :  Well from your post, I would say this woman does indeed have a crush on your husband.

I appreciate that you’ve given us the details so that we can see it from your perspective, however she is definitely toeing the line of displaying hints that she’s interested, while not doing anything that can’t be explained away if she was confronted. 

My biggest concern with this is the work aspect.  I would sit hubby down, and explain to him that the things you’ve noticed are girl code for “I’m in to you”.  I would tell him that you are concerned about how certain actions of HERS could be turned around in the event he does not return her affections and she seeks revenge by going to HR.  Make sure you are very clear to him you are not accusing him of anything, but wanted to give him a heads up from a woman’s perspective.  I would make suggestions not to be alone with her, not to drink with her specifically, and to slowly distance himself from her.  Other than that, there is no need for him to change his behaviour (eg. not going to social events) as he has done nothing wrong.

We’ve all had to field interest from someone before for whatever reason, your husband should be able to figure out how to shut this down himself.  If he doesn’t, I would be watching this closer and escalate it. 

Post # 29
Member
59 posts
Worker bee

This chick is totally inappropriate and your feelings are completely justified. It does sound one-sided, but still. The way you lay it all out is pretty compelling. If it were me, I would personally tell her to back off…

Post # 30
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee

Put some heavy boundaries on – sometimes we feel things before our men do, and this is the case. She is not even his friend, so it doesn’t really matter if she disappears completely.

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