Post # 1
I know that people often post about this topic, but each situation is so different and I’d like to hear your opinions.
So I am a nurse on a fairly small unit. Most of us are young and have fun together. I occasionally hang out w/some of them outside of work – and the group just depends on who is not working. We are already at our limit of guests for the size of the room. So far, I haven’t invited anyone from work (and my official invites aren’t going out until October). But I do talk about it – I can’t help it, they are all so curious and of course I’m wedding obsessed.
I was out with some of them last night and they suggested just doing an open invitation to whoever wanted to come, but come for the dancing/drinking part at like 9pm. I feel like that sounds cheap. But, I really can’t invite all 30 nurses to dinner. I just don’t have space. Can I invite just the twenty-somethings to the whole she-bang? I’m worried that the older nurses will feel left out. Also, what about my 60 something year old manager?
This is stressing me out! Any advice?
Post # 3
When this is brought up, my personal rule of thumb is, “Would I be friends with any of these people if I left the job?” Usually, the answer is no, and therefore, they shouldn’t be invited.
If you really feel close to a few coworkers, and you honestly think you’d continue to be friends with them if you left, I would invite them, but be sure they understand that not everyone was invited, so keep in on the down low. You will probably hurt people’s feelings, but if anyone asks, just say, “The venue has a lot of space limitations, and since so and so and I hang out after work and we’re good friends, we decided to invite her. I hope you understand.” Coworker invitations are such a catch-22. If they don’t get an invite, they get slightly offended, and if they do get one, they often feel like it’s a burden (“Gosh, I just work with the girl, now I have to take time out of my Saturday AND get her a gift?!”).
Almost always, it causes some weird tensions when one or a few people are invited, and others aren’t, but mature adults should understand. But honestly, I think it’s always best to just never invite coworkers at all. But that’s just me 🙂
Post # 4
I totally see what you are saying – I feel the same as Miss Chapstick. Ask yourself who you would be friends with if you left the job? Do you make plans to hang out with anyone outside of work for a non-afterwork happy hour?
I have a ton of coworkers too who all know I’m engaged, but I’m only inviting 2 of them. Those 2 are people I’ve been freinds with for years and hang out with on weekends. I don’t feel bad about leaving anyone else out, especially my bosses.
Post # 5
That’s a good rule of thumb Miss Chapstick! I’ve been struggling with this myself. I’m really good friends with someone I work with-my fiance and I have dinner with him and his wife whenever we can, and I really want to invite him but I’d hate to rude to everyone else I work with. Are you supposed to invite your boss? That would be kinda weird, partying with your boss looking on!
Post # 6
I think it’s perfectly normal for you to talk about your wedding with your co-workers – don’t feel like that is a reason you have to invite them.
I think once you start inviting a few (even if to the after part) others are bound to get upset by it (even if they are no where close to you).
I’d advice you to stay on the safe side and go with the no-one from work rule. If you had a really close friend from work, they’d already be on the list without questioning it (is my theory).
Don’t feel bad about it – people certainly understand the limitations of wedding guest lists.
Post # 7
I gave invitations to those I was close with and then posted an invite in our break room for everyone.
Post # 8
Like eveyone is saying, if you hangout w/ them outside work then invite them. Other than that don’t feel obliged to do so.
Post # 9
Feel free to invite whomever you hang out with outside of work. The others should understand. You never know but the others may decide to throw you a work shower just because they can’t attend.
Post # 10
Thanks, everyone, for the advice. It seems like 55% of you are voting invite noone.As I have been thinking abt it today, I have been leaning towards just inviting the younger nurses that I actually hang out with and am generally friendlier with. I think I will just tell them to keep in on the DL – to try not to post pics on FB etc. (Also, I think that they will definitely throw a work shower – we always throw baby/wedding showers with everyone pitching in for a present).
Post # 11
It’s super super common here (UK) for some people to be just invited in the evening after the meal, no one thinks it’s cheap.
Post # 12
If its going to be talked about, it should probably be an all or none thing. That being said, I queitly invited a few of the people I worked with (just the ones that I considered friends.)