(Closed) Coworkers and wedding: to invite or not invite?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
1247 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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heatherelizabeth514:  I don’t think you should invite the people in your dept that you don’t know well. Regardless of how you think people should feel, if people feel slighted/offended over not being invited, then that’s just how they feel. It wouldn’t surprise me if they were offended, especially since you mentioned inviting some people that you don’t hang out frequently with outside of work.

If people are offended, that could create for an awkward situation at work. 

Post # 3
Member
523 posts
Busy bee

I don’t think coworkers can expect a wedding invite, it’s too hard. You cannot be expected to invite everyone.

Obviously this would change if you were inviting the whole office but 1 or 2 – that’s just cruel! But of your inviting a select few 100% fine.

if I had been at a job less than a year I would not expect an invite

Post # 4
Member
2796 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

I invited two of my ten close co-workers and didn’t feel bad about it.  One of the girls I didn’t invite is getting married in September and I’m pretty sure she isn’t inviting me (I know her save the dates have gone out and I didn’t get one!) but I’m not bothered at all (it would be stupid if I was, really!).  Invite who you want!

Post # 5
Member
1974 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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heatherelizabeth514:  after 10 years there is bound to be those in the office who prioritise your relationship more than you do and will be butte hurt to fiind out others in the office rated an invite but not them. It could make work very uncomfortable.  

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dojx:  agree 100%

Post # 6
Member
13646 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I would invite only those with whom you have a relationship outside the office. 

Post # 7
Member
1316 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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heatherelizabeth514:  I think you have handled things well so far, and I wouldn’t invite the people you aren’t close to simply because they’re in your department. If the people you ARE close to have been willing to keep the invitation on the down-low, then I think all is well 🙂 

Post # 8
Member
4888 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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heatherelizabeth514:  

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weddingmaven:  +1

I didn’t invite any of my coworkers, and I work on a small team of 6. I don’t hang out with any of them outside of work and knew that a couple of them could have cared less about my wedding altogether (and I rarely talked about it at work, unless someone asked me). I was invited to one of their weddings a few years ago but wasn’t able to go. Did I feel bad not inviting them? A little, but oh well.

DH is close with his coworkers (4 of them), and they were invited with no question.

Post # 9
Member
1692 posts
Bumble bee

In general, you are wisest if you keep your social life and your professional life separate, and avoid complications. Conventions, awards dinners and office parties are work events, for all that they often masquerade as social functions. Your wedding is unequivocally a social event and you should avoid inviting anyone who is not truly a friend. That will avoid the problems of creating any awkwardness at work.

Of course, workplace relationships should always be “friendly”. Co-workers should be polite and cordial, and take at least a nominal interest in one another as people. Such relationships are more properly called “collegial”. A friend is someone you spend time with socially, outside of work and work-related events — and stopping at the pub on Friday after work before you head home is still a work-related event, even if not an official event. If you are not sure of the distinction, ask yourself: do I know this person’s address, so that I can send the invitation there instead of inappropriately delivering it at work? Do I know the name of their spouse or partner, so that I can include it on the invitation, and have I met that person? If one of us were laid off tomorrow, would we still see one another regularly? When I mention this person to others, do I say — and think — “she’s a friend who works at the same company rather than saying “she’s a co-worker”. If you cannot answer yes to all those questions, you are wiser not to invite them; and they are wiser to decline your invitation if you do.

Post # 10
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I had a similar situation; I just invited the few people at my job that I have an actual social relationship with.  I asked them to keep their invitations quiet since I couldn’t invite everyone and they understood.  My other coworkers are very happy to ask me about my wedding plans, but none of them seem like they expect to be invited.  I think everyone knows that most people can’t invite everyone to their wedding, so they don’t get offended when not invited.

Also, I told the people who are invited several months ago; recently, I decided to leave this job.  How do I know I invited the right people?  I still want them there even though we will no longer be coworkers when the wedding comes around.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by  TheGaff87.
Post # 12
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

I didn’t talk about my wedding unless somebody asked about it.

The worst thing that happens is if you talk about it so much that the person thinks they will be invited and actually say they look forward to going. I invited those who I wanted to go and am friendly with them, not for the sake of it.

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