(Closed) Coworkers offering to throw shower – but they’re not invited to wedding

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

i would just let the word spread quietly that the wedding is just close friends and family.  "budget tight, etc, etc"  tell one person and let it ripple around the office.  thats what i did, and everyone understood and i don’t think anyone’s feelings were hurt.  And they’ll probably still want to throw you an office shower….any excuse for cake.

Post # 4
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

My office is throwing me a shower but no one is expecting an invitation.  I started not quit a year ago and we are getting married in the fall.  I doubt they will feel hurt if they are not invited, most people assume than unless you are all very close friends outside of the work place they they would not be invited. 

 

Post # 5
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I think a lot of people have workplace bridal showers without expecting to invite their co-workers.  I’ve always heard that office showers are the only exception to the "you must invite everyone from the shower to the wedding" rule.  Two of my co-workers are throwing me a shower and most of the people there weren’t invited to the wedding.  If anyone asks, I’ve just been letting out the word that with economy, we couldn’t have as big of a wedding as we would’ve liked.

Post # 6
Member
596 posts
Busy bee

I think you should just let them know that you are having a very small wedding and/or the guestlist is out of your control thanks to your parents or in-laws or whomever.  You can also just let them know that you definitely do not expect or need a shower – but they might want to do something small for you anyway, at which point, I think it’s okay to accept since you’ve already been so upfront and honest with them.

Post # 7
Member
3332 posts
Sugar bee

My office friends are throwing me a "work shower", even though most of them aren’t invited.  I thought it might be an issue, but they all totally understand that we’re having a smaller wedding.  (The shower is supposed to be a surprise, but I can see it on my boss’s calendar!) 😉

Post # 8
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

My school friends/colleagues are probably throwing me a work shower at the school where I teach. This my second wedding, so it will probably be much more modest than for a first time bride. I got married the first time over 10 years ago and was teaching at another school in another county then also. 2nd time showers that they’ve thrown at school have included Around The Clock held at a local mexican restaurant where the hostess paid for the brides dinner and everyone else went dutch and a gift card shower. We also had one that we contributed to a large item (for that encore bride, it was a nice grill) and we had cake and visited-like I said, more about the fellowship and acknowledging the happy event than about the gifts.

Post # 9
Member
700 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Thanks for starting this post.  I also have a smallish venue and a smallish budget, and I just don’t see our guest list accomodating my entire 65 person staff and their plus ones.  I have had several people come up to me and speak to me about how much fun they will have at my wedding. 

I started to spread the "it’s mostly close friends and family" and the "small venue" convos, only to have been asked by one (rude) co-worker if I shouldn’t have considered an alternate venue so I could have more people.  I was floored.  How f-ing rude is that?  I bit my tongue…and just said, "Nope." and left the room.  It’s almost at a point where I don’t want anyone to acknowlege the fact that I am engaged just to avoid the questions…sad.  They also traditionally throw showers at my school for weddings and babies and such, so will I be rude not to invite them? 

And (while I have the longest post ever rolling, I may as well continue…) I do have one or two co-workers that are on my guest list right now.  They don’t know necessarily, but I would like them to be there, so how do I invite them and no one else?

Post # 10
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Showers are often given at work when coworkers aren’t invited to weddings.  However, in your case I can see why you’re concerned that they mightthink they are, based on the other bride’s invite.  I agree with beeskness.  I think you should tell the person who is initiating the shower about the office not being invited, and that you understand if they don’t want to plan a shower at this point.  I’d guess they’d probably still have one for you, but maybe based on that they’ll plan more appropriately to the situation.

Post # 11
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

The entire Marketing department is throwing me a bridal shower on a Friday during lunch – only half of the department is going to be invited to the actual wedding (we are split between 3 different teams within Marketing… internet, circulation, and database) so I am only inviting those on my core team and then 1 person from the database team as she used to be on my team and we are close. I just can’t invite all 20-some in the department plus their spouses to the wedding!

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