Coworkers randomly hate me now, how do I get it to stop bothering me?

posted 10 months ago in Career
Post # 2
8873 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2016

I would ask the work friend what the deal was. Ask if you did something that offended her maybe?

Then if that didnt work i’d just hate them back cause i’m petty like that.

Post # 4
1012 posts
Bumble bee

This would not bother me and is one of the main reasons I do not socialise with work people. I would stop trying to be friendly. I’m used to being unpopular at work. I deal with compliance and if its not to spec it gets redone with me looking over their shoulder until I’m satisfied no corners have been cut. It could just be my personality but why would you give head space to people who hold no meaning in your life? 

Post # 5
4403 posts
Honey bee

I too would ask the work friend. If they were both just randos I’d let it go, but if you were close with this person I would reach out. It could be something small, or it could be something someone else said about you/said you said about them or random other office politics BS. 

Story time now haha. We hired a new girl, and she was a little weird, but was good at her job, helped out a lot, so I was like ok fine. We did a work event together and went for lunch after, chatted a lot during work so were getting closer. Then all of a sudden she starts saying stuff like “WOW are you pregnant?!” and looking at me (nope just fat) and “Oh hey nelly, you look better today” “vs what…?” stumbles through some weird excuse (not sick, just ugly I guess). So I pretty much stopped talking to her because I don’t want to hear that shit LOL. I’m sure she thinks i’m bipolar, because every now and then I try to be nice to her, and she says something stupid like that again. 

Post # 8
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Could it have something to do with the time off you took during the summer? You mentioned that a few times in your post. Did they have to take on a lot of your work due to your absence or anything like that?

Post # 10
3300 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Were they perhaps displeased about not being invited to your wedding? It’s probably not that, but thought I’d throw it out there. Honestly, I’ve been through this before. My first time working overseas, my colleagues one by one started demonstrating that they didn’t care much for me. My boss even pulled me aside to tell me that it’s upsetting the office equilibrium how no one seems to like me, but refused to tell me what the issue was or offer any solutions. Just told me I need to “get back on everyone’s good side.” It bothered me for a long time. To this day, I’m not sure what exactly I did although through overthinking, I’ve come up with a few ideas. I eventually had to get myself to a point where I was like “we are all adults, and if I did something to offend someone, they should tell me and give me a chance to make it right and if they can’t say what’s wrong, then I can’t be sorry.”

Btw, the version I came up with, was something along the lines of my not being social enough. I skipped an Easter dinner, somebody’s toddler’s birthday party, and a Halloween party dinner and got a reputation for being antisocial. Plus, one day during a meeting the office spontaneously broke out into a chorus of “Happy Birthday” for a colleague and I did not join in, which some people apparently took as me having something against said colleague. Had anyone said anything to me, I could have explained that I don’t participate in holiday and birthday celebrations for religious reasons, but, meh. They preferred to be rude. Their problem, not mine.

Post # 11
733 posts
Busy bee

Maybe someone spread some rumor behind your back, and they believed it. Is there anyone else who you don’t get along with?

Post # 13
3861 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

That is really weird and upsetting! I too hate confrontation and would find it hard to ask about… maybe you could ask something really vague like ‘I feel like the atmosphere here has changed since I came back, did anything happen while I was gone?’ it probably won’t get you anywhere though…

Post # 14
4932 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Ask them point blank. Then tell them they’re being unprofessional, and while you don’t have to be friends their childish behaviour is ridiculous. Then talk to them in a stoic ultra professional way going forward. 

Post # 15
66 posts
Worker bee

If it bothers you so much then ask them what the deal is. With the coworker that you actually went to lunch with on occasion, you should have no problem simply asking her if there is an issue going on between you that you aren’t aware of. Maybe you can invite her to lunch to clear the air, it shouldn’t be that out of the ordinary as you used to do it before.

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