Coworkers randomly hate me now, how do I get it to stop bothering me?

posted 2 years ago in Career
Post # 16
9619 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

I had a room mate who did this to me. not house mate. room mate. she started it maybe 2 months in to our 1 year lease. 

a friend of mine also did this to me in high school. 

neither ever explained to me what I did, despite my pleading them to tell me.

the college room mates response was: “i can’t believe you don’t know.  if you don’t know then you’re obviously not sorry so I can’t forgive you”.  I shit you not.  so obviously despite my generic sorries she never really forgave me.. I suppose she wanted a deeply romantic and specific apology or something, as if I were her high school boyfriend. *eye roll*

She did tell our sorority sisters that I was “acting like the victim” which infuriated her.. because obviously she was in the right for ignoring me i suppose.  They confronted me about the inflammatory email I apparently sent to her where I accused her about it.  I asked them if THEY knew why she was mad at me, they said no. I asked if they saw the email, they said no. I pulled up my outbox and showed them my emails to her.. pointing out the one that she must have been talking about where I said that while I wish we could be on friendly terms, if she could at least not stop talking when I enter the room because it was making our mutual friends (the same girls in the room with me) very obviously uncomfortable, thatd be good. they immediately apologized to me for confronting me… but she never said a word to me again. 

my friend from high school never told me what it was either. she just one day stopped ignoring me, and apologized, and said it wasn’t me it was her and then we carried on as if it’d never happened. obviously it cooled our friendship but time heals all and we grew our friendship back over the next 13 years or so and she is now one of my best friends again–she was my Maid/Matron of Honor in fact.

anyway, my advice is: try to let it go. personally I’ve found people who punish via the silent treatment can’t be reasoned with. either they will get over it, or they won’t. they obviously have no interest in resolving the matter and its very possible they don’t even have a real reason.


Post # 17
6041 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

That is really weird. I’d be tempted to ask just out of curiosity and to be able to tell a friend what was going on (so I’m not personally invested in the response, just needing to be able to report back- that helps me make things less personal, sometimes.).

Post # 18
1124 posts
Bumble bee

I’d be bothered by this too, especially if I couldn’t think of anything that caused the sudden change. But since they are just co-workers and not real friends I would just let it go. I wouldn’t even bother trying to find out what is was which caused it, just try to forget about it.

Post # 19
650 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

clairhuxtable :  Very curious. One of them is the instigator. Two people don’t just decide to hate you at the same time. They’ve talked about this and come up with a system it seems. They’re both giving you the cold shoulder. I hate a few coworkers too but I act normal around them and then bitch about them to friends over wine. This seems conspired and purposeful. If you have anyone else at work who you are close to that can give you the scoop, I’d start there.

Post # 21
11819 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Did you tell the friend you were leaving for the summer? If so, could it be that she was offended that you disappeared without saying anything to her? Or is she the type to get hurt that you didn’t keep in touch with her during that time?

Personally, I would want to know what I was dealing with and set the record straight if need be. I’d put the former friend on the spot by asking her if you have done anything to upset her. There’s always the chance that there is some big misunderstanding and that it’s something you should know about.

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