Post # 1
Bees, I need some support right now
Currently I’m in a full time “real” job at a company. Within this company, my first two years are made of four 6month rotations and I am currently 4 months into my first. One of the younger coworkers I share a cubical with told me that my mentor/boss and the another cubemate were talking crap about me when I was out sick. It was work related and not personal, she said. But before she could tell me what they said other people came in and she said she would tell me some other time and left for the day.
Im fairly new and I’ve been struggling here, adjusting to my first real job, learning the company’s procedures, and I am dreadfully shy so it’s very hard for me to be here.
Since she told me I feel numb and in shock. I thought I was doing ok but the look in her eeyes when she told me told me it was pretty bad. And now I don’t know if shr’ll remember to tell me later or if we’ll get a chance alone.
This might not seem like a huge deal but I am sensitive and I feel like I failed and my boss is judging me negatively all the time now. I dread coming to work already. I am trying not to cry at work.
Post # 3
Oh no! I’m a Stay-At-Home Mom so my advice might not be applicable, but I think you should try not to let it get to you. You said you’re only four months in, so you don’t know any of these people well yet. Considering that this coming from a co-worker who is also younger, she might not be the best source. She could have taken their comments as worse than they actually were, or be someone who enjoys drama. I’d remind myself of who I know myself to be and concentrate on that. Your co-workers and boss will get to know you better soon and if they did have a false view of you, it will change. My close friend is a manager and at times she will joke with her long-time employees about a new hire, but it isn’t mean spirited and some of those same new hires are now the long-term ones. Honestly, let it slide off your back. Don’t torture yourself with details that may or may not be accurate. Continue to believe in yourself and trust that in time you’ll prove yourself and feel more a part of the team. 🙂
ETA My friend’s behavior as a boss isn’t unprofessional b/c the employees she’s joking with have been working with her for several years, and I know her joking isn’t mean-spirited or done in front of the office. Trying to suggest that maybe the younger co-worker blew the comment out of proportion?
Post # 4
DON’T let it get to you. Everyone has opinons about everyone, and it was very unprofessional for your boss to say something about you to other employees! If they really had an issue with you, they would have come to you.
Don’t let office politics get in the way of your work. Continue to focus on learning the business and getting your work done. There’s a learning curve to any new place and no one expects perfection.
When you do talk to your co-worker about what they said, ask her for any tips that might help you do your job better. Maybe she can give you some helpful suggestions, if their issues are valid. If they aren’t – just keep your head down and keep working hard. The truth in a job well done ALWAYS outshines crazy rumors.
Post # 5
I know how you’re feeling. I hate that moment when someone tells me that others have been talking bad about me behind my back, it makes you want to cry. Especially when you didn’t have any idea those people had negative opinions about you. I can only imagine if it were a boss. He seems really unprofessional, sorry you’re dealing with this.
Post # 6
Please don’t let this get you down. Keep working hard and try to ask your boss for feedback more frequently. If you let this get to you, you’re giving them too much power. I was in a similar situation at an internship last summer, I think the boss liked me better than his assistants (who I was directly working with and who were also very important). For a while I was shy and really hated it. But after a while I decided to take charge of my own performance there. So I changed my attitude. I acted like I belonged there and did a wonderful job, I tried to stop being shy and to just ask for information if I needed it, and I tried to ask my boss (and his assistant, but her less often) for lots of feedback very often. I took it all well and showed that I was a fighter. Now I have a return offer to come back next summer full-time.
Don’t let this get to you. Tell yourself that you are worthy of their appreciation and respect, and demand it through your actions, your hard work, and your ability to be a fighter. There are always goign to be things that you have to learn to do better and that you don’t know. But they know that.
Call a friend over and hang out tonight, having someone listen to you will help. Someone who is supportive. Then try to talk to that girl tomorrow or ask her to have lunch with you so you can talk alone. But use this as an opportunity to grow against resistance!
Post # 7
Have you ever had a review with your boss? I would schedule some time with them to talk about your progress/where you have room for improvement.
She may be exaggerating. I remember hating the feeling that I didn’t really know where I stood when I first started working. At least in school you have grades to judge your performance on. Worst comes to worst you only have two months left and your next rotation may be better. Sometimes you just don’t click with your coworkers.
Post # 8
I would say just have a thicker skin. Some people (even bosses) can be petty and mean. This looks negatively on them, not you. Just go to work, do your job, and not worry about what other people think.
Post # 9
Ladies, thank you so much for your responses. I’m sitting in the bathroom right now trying not to cry (since its so painfully obvious with red puffy eyes).
Your words helped a lot. To clarify the situation, my “mentor” will be writing my review in two months. He is not really a supervisor, just someone to manage me for this rotation. Ironically, he talks crap about that other young coworker that told me all this. I knew that and wanted to expect it, but hearing it for real hurts so much.
@LGenz: you are exactly right. In school I could see how I was doing based on my grades, and I’m a perfectionist so I got good ones. But here I do so poorly. I am so shy and I feel like I don’t belong. I feel like the dumb failure asking questions about everything (and my mentor did complain about another new guy asking too many of them).
I wish she told me what it was but I know it’ll hurt more once I find out. I hate not knowing what they all think of me (clearly its nothing good) an feeling like such a huge failure. I do try my best but I’m shy and I hate being wrong so I take few risks.
To make matters worse, I told my so about this via chat and like a typical guy he went into how to “fix it” aka how to get the info out of the girl on what exactly they said about me. Which is exactly not what I need. More of me being upset and my soon fi not knowing how to comfort me without pissing me off more. I said I didn’t want a solution and he just angrily goes k. Brb. And ignores me .. Awesome.
I am so so upset…
Post # 10
Sorry for the long post 🙁
Post # 11
Ok, two things. 1) If your boss has a complaint about your work performance, he or she must tell you this in person. It’s simply unprofessional to go around gossiping (on your boss’s part) about your work performance in front of other people, and it’s equally unprofessional for your cubemate to be telling you this gossip. And 2) how do you even know what the cubemate told you is true? She could be trying to shake your confidence for some reason, she could have misunderstood the conversation, anything. I can’t stand it when people dangle information in my face and then say, “oh I’ll tell you later.” Makes me think that either she’s not really sure of what she “heard,” it wasn’t that big a deal, or — worst of all — she made it all up.
I really feel your pain because an incredibly similar thing happened to me. I’ve since decided that I will only believe what my boss tells me himself about my work performance, and not what some coworker (who may have weird motivations — you never know) tells me.
I hate hearing about this kind of thing. It just should never happen in a workplace. I’m sorry!
Post # 12
I wouldnt let it get to you. No matter how hard it might be, do NOT say a single bad thing about anyone else. just keep it inside lol. Also alot of times “older” members will do this to the “newer” ppl to try and break them down and get them outta there. Show them whos boss and stay in there and work through it. Even if they have been talking crap about ya; Kill them with kindness and be smiley , happy, etc…. they will stop.
Keep your head up! *HUG*
Post # 13
I work in a very gossipy, backstabbing company so I feel you! I’ve learned that when someone says they heard something about me, I stop them in their tracks and say that I don’t want to know. If anyone has a problem, they should come to me personally or I’m not going to concern myself with it.
I also have a co-worker who loves to make everything sound ten times worse than they are. She just likes to make people stressed. You can’t take everyone seriously sometimes.
Post # 14
I’m back home from work now.
That was pretty much the worst day ever.. and whats worse, tomorrow the two guys that were gossiping about me (my mentor and a coworker) are both going to be there – they werent today because they were on vacation. Obviously I’m not going to confront them about it, but just.. working with them knowing they think all these negative things about me feels terrible. It really kills my self esteem, and I’m really shy and sensitive to start off with.
I almost hope the young coworker who told me all this won’t tell me exactly what they said because I know it’ll just hurt more. But then, I want to know so I can improve – I’m sure theres LOTS I can improve on. But still, it hurts, you know?
I don’t think the one who told me is exaggerating it, or making it up for the sake of drama. Shes not that type of person, and the ones who did the talking ARE the type to just say things.. about everyone.. all the time. So I believe her. They say bad stuff about her all the time, but she doesn’t work on their team so in the end, it doesn’t matter *that* much. But I work with the two, and one will be writing my review!
2 months til I’m outta here… dreading work tomorrow. A lot.
Again, thank you thank you for all your kind words, bees. This being my first job out of college and all.. I need a little time to develop some tougher skin. A bad grade/nasty comment on a homework or a paper? I can deal with that, easy. But this kind of negativity I am not used to …
Post # 15
I had this happen to me at my last job. When my friend told me she heard my boss and a co-worker talking badly about me I was devastated. I cried about it for like 15 minutes and then I was like “no, this is not how things are done.” I called my boss and asked her to schedule a meeting for her and I. When we sat down and started talking about it she told me that she wasn’t unhappy with my work and didn’t understand why we needed to have this meeting. I told her everything I heard and wanted her to address each point. She basically admitted to me that the co-worker was just annoyed with me and she found it easier to join the co-worker in bashing me. She said if she did it that way, usually the other person would cool down and everything would be fine. In the time I worked there I witnessed her doing that with and to several co-workers. Some people are just bad managers. She absolutely should have come to you if there was an issue, and if I were you I would sit down with her and ask her to address any way she feels like you could improve. In the meantime, don’t be too upset dear. 4 months is not a very long time, I’m sure no one expects you to be perfect.
Post # 16
Ugh….been here before and it feels like total sh1t.
Nonetheless you have to chin up…shy or not, you have to be a bit ballsy about it. If they haven’t spoken to you about something they are unhappy with – then there is no real problem – just bad attitudes on their part. Totally agree with PP’s…if someone’s bad mouthing you…call them on it. There is a polite, professional way to do this.
Request a meeting and say you understand there is an issue with your work and, with a desire to do better, you want to know what exactly the issue is and what their recommendations to improve are. This leaves them in a lose-lose situation…they have to admit bad mouthing you and they have to admit the issue wasn’t big enough to speak to you directly about. So clearly they were just bitching. Don’t take this personally. People do this mostly because it makes them feel better about themselves. It’s their issue.
If you’re doing your best then you haven’t done anything wrong. Clearly you also don’t have a bad attitude. STICK UP FOR YOURSELF.