- 4 years ago
I’m not really looking for advice. I’m really just venting. I have been married since Nov. 2014. We dated for 5 years prior to becoming engaged. Our relationship was good at times and then bad at times while dating but I always thought it was just part of a relationship. Since I’ve been married, it’s been nothing but hard times. My husband’s personality has really changed. My husband got laid off and has now taken a job that is much less paying. I am now the breadwinner. I took a job that is higher paying and now work at a travel job-2 days a week I work in another location 3 hours from our home. This is stressful in itself but then my husband makes me feel guilty for it. I work long days (12+ hours) when his job is standard 8-5. He says I never make time for him. He also thinks it’s ridiculous that I stay the night in a hotel the last night each week that I work in the other location, simply because I’m too exhausted to drive home 3 hours after a 12 hour day.
He treats me like a child. If we go out to eat, he literally insists that I eat everything on my plate. Literally! Of course I ignore him but still! I am a trained chef and I try to be mindful that most people are not chefs (including him), and keep mY thoughts to myself regarding meal quality. But if I say to him, in passing, “these potatoes are undercooked,” or “this is so spicy,” he totally flips out and says there is no pleasing me. He says I’m so full of myself that I believe nobody’s cooking could ever match mine. Which is ridiculous, I’m not an award-winning chef, I don’t own a restaurant, and of course there are better chefs than me! I’ve noticed that I used to be a fun loving person but I’ve become withdrawn and quiet. He tells me I’m stupid and “retarded” and maybe a part of me has come to believe it. He thinks I dress badly, even though I know I don’t. He thinks my hair and makeup look like crap. He thinks I’m fat. He thinks I hide money from him.
He is violent all the time. Once we got into a fight and he picked me up by my neck and shook me. Today I was trying to talk to him while he was watching a DVR’d movie (meaning he could pause it while I talked to him) and he threw a spoon full of cereal and milk at me.
He calls me horrible names a lot. I’ve been called a stupid cunt and a dumb bitch more times than I can count.
He tries to catch me in “lies” all the time. The other day, I was working in another city like I do every week and he asked me what I was going to do for dinner. I told him I’d probably order room service in my hotel (we get a per diem for food). Later, a (female) coworker asked if I wanted to get sushi with her so I went. When my husband called I told him I was getting sushi and he told me I lied to him! He also accused me of being with a guy. To him, if you change your mind, it’s a lie.
He is obsessed by my past, which was over 7 years ago. This may be Too Much Information but earlier on in dating, he asked me if I could swallow when I gave him oral sex. We had been exclusively dating for months so I did. That to him was a test I failed that let him know I did that with every guy. Which wasn’t even true! He thinks I’m this huge slut, even though he is only the second person I’ve ever been with sexually and he cant even count how many girls he’s been with. He brings up all the time how he thinks I had sex with a very close male friend that I’ve had for years. This is a person I would never even consider being sexual with, as he’s like a brother to me, and our parents are close friends. But my husband believes we’ve been intimate.
Now he’s saying he’s going to spend Christmas apart from me, with his family in another state.
At this point I know I need to leave him. It’s tough because we’ve only been married a year. I read a post a few weeks ago where a girl was saying she is jealous of all the great marriages she hears about on weddingbee. I can totally relate.