(Closed) Crap marriage making me lose my mind

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
1809 posts
Buzzing bee

I wouldn’t usually provide an armchair diagnosis based on an anonymous post, but going by my own experiences–he sounds like a narcissist or has narcissistic tendencies. I think if you read up on it, you’ll see that he might carry some psychological traits befitting someone with a personality disorder. Hence the abuse.  You will also see that it isn’t you, that this behavior has nothing to do with you. There is something broken in individuals like these that can’t be fixed. You would literally need a time machine to go back to when they were children and fix what broke. No can do.

I’m so glad you know you need to leave. Oftentimes, a person like this will break down the partner’s self-esteem to a point where they are so weak they can’t even fathom leaving. Please go before you get to that point. I wish you so much strength, courage, and hugs across the internet miles.

Post # 17
Member
4243 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I am so glad to read that you realize you need to leave.  I know it’s hard and I know you’re hurting, but that is the right step.  Please reach out here if you need help or advice. <3 

Post # 18
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2016

So so sorry you have to deal with this! Even though you’re not asking for advice, I think you know that now is the time to leave.

Post # 19
Member
588 posts
Busy bee

As hard as it is, I think you need to physically and outloud say the word “abuse.” You are being abused. Stay with your mom, call a police officer and ask them to escort you back to your house to collect whatever belongings you have when you are ready, perhaps over the time he won’t be home for Christmas. It’s not an exaggeration, and I don’t mean to scare you, but when abusers lose control their victims are in the greatest amount of danger. Take someone with you to get your belongings and close the door. You haven’t ‘failed’ your relationship for only being married a year, you are saving yourself.

 

Post # 20
Member
2251 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
shellybelly83:  please don’t ever be embarrassed and don’t ever feel ashamed of yourself. You have nothing to be ashamed of!  You’re a beautiful person and deserve to be loved and respected.  Your husband is a very scary a- hole and you’re not safe with him.  Please don’t go back to that house,  things might get very physical soon!  Your husband is already physically and mentally abusing  you, don’t give him anymore chances to put you down.  What a loser he is! Please stay with your family tonight and tomorrow bring some male relatives to collect your things.  Leave and never look back! 

Post # 22
Member
47285 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
shellybelly83:  You have just given yourself the best Christmas present ever- self respect!

All the best  to you! I left my husband ( no abuse, different story).I went back to school, raised my kids as a single parent, then met the best guy on earth and we are now happily married. There is a happy future for you too.

Post # 23
Member
1310 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I I’ve never been so relieved to see someone leave their husband. This guy is horribly horrible just horrible. How could anyone live with this man?? You deserve a high five and a REALLY BIG HUG for staying as long as u did. Please get far away from this guy. Fast as you can. 

Post # 24
Member
11434 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
shellybelly83:  you have no idea what wonders await you, bee. It’s great that you value yourself enough to say no more to his abuse. I know this is tough, esp around the holidays, but as 

View original reply
julies1949:  said, there is a future for you that you can’t even imagine right now. 

Take care of yourself, don’t fall for his b.s. (It’s coming), and keep your eye on the prize– a life lived the way you want to live it, not the way you feel doomed to live it. big e hugs girl. Hang in there.

Post # 25
Member
3902 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

*Hugs* I’m sorry you’re going through this. You need to get out and fast. Let him go see his family for Christmass, take a couple days off, pack and get the hell out of there. Prior to doing this, consult a lawyer… have papers ready for when he gets back…  I think him losing his job and taking a lower paying depressed and emasculated him. And he is being domenering, controlling and violent because of this. Obviously that’s not an excuse, and he needs to get help…. but you need to get out while you can. These things can escalate quickly and you might not get another chance before some severe damage is done to you physically, emotionally, psychologically, etc. I dont mean to tell you what to do, just thinking out loud. It’s great that you realize that you do need to get out! Good luck and I wish you all the best!

Post # 26
Member
2842 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Wow. I’ve read about some nasty men on here before but this guy takes the cake. 

YAY to you though for being able to see things clearly and not be clouded by any good points he might have. YAY to you for not falling into the trap of thinking you could fix him. 

Leaving will be hard, but I’m sure you’ll look back on it as the best thing you ever did.

And there are plenty of examples on here of Bees who have found love after an abusive relationship. You can do the same. You have given yourself the best chance by not staying in that hellhole a minute longer than you had to.

Post # 27
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee

Once, I was where you are now. I can honestly tell you that, in time, your life will be more awesome than you can even imagine from where you now stand. Stay safe, seek legal council, and let a therapist help untangle the thorns he planted. (((Hugs)))

Post # 28
Member
2663 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

View original reply
shellybelly83:  I’m so sorry for all of this bee. He’s an abusive, controlling bastard. I’m so pleased you realise this and thank heavens he’s going away for Christmas too. I’m relieved to see you got out and went to your mothers. Please remember that you’ve nothing to be embarrassed about. You feel a fool I’m sure, but sadly these men manage to manipulate women the world over. Thankfully you’re smart enough to realise for yourself that you need to get far, far away.

Please report any assault to the police – he needs a record. He will do this to other women and it will be easier for them if he has previous recorded.

Post # 29
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee

I am very proud of you. I am very proud of how smart you are for putting the clues together and seeing through his web of control. I am very proud of your courage to admit this situation needs to change. I am very proud of you for telling your mother and taking these first difficult steps toward safety.

Post # 30
Member
787 posts
Busy bee

Glad you’re finding the strength to get out. There is life and happiness on the other side; I know, I just went through this too. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk about it. Love and strength to you. 

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