(Closed) Crap marriage making me lose my mind

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 31
Member
729 posts
Busy bee

Im so sorry for your hurt. This is an awful story. One I dis not live that far from. Please stay strong ans remember to take care of yourself. Sometimes in our grief we forget that. ~hugs~

Post # 32
Member
567 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Get out of there.  Get your things together, get your finances in order and in your name and just leave.  Don’t tell him and don’t be alone with him at all.  He is dangerous.

Remember you are going to have the most wonderful christmas ever because this christmas you won’t be called retarded and stupid.

Lets face it….that one night a week you spend in the hotel wasn’t just because of the long commute, it’s because it was a night’s break for all that horrible abuse.

You take care and let us know how you are doing.  So many HUGS!

Post # 33
Member
628 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

My heart aches for you. Nobody deserves anything that you have described here, let alone from someone who has promised their life to you. Keep taking these steps in the right direction, it will be hard and maybe seem impossible at times but you’ll get to where you need to be in no time. You just deserve an indescribable amount more than this coward and this relationship. Stay strong 

Post # 34
Member
11338 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

The DV hotline:  1-800-799-7233

You absolutely must leave.  He is an abuser.  His personality didn’t change.  He just let his real self show once he felt secure that he “had” you.

You have nothing about which to be embarassed.  He does.

Post # 35
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Nothing much more to add, pretty much what everyone else has said. And good for you for telling your mom! That’s a great first step to leaving. Don’t be alone with that guy ever again. 

Post # 36
Member
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

You’re smart and you’ll be better off without him. Hope it goes as smoothly as possible, though with a man-child like that I’m sure you’ll have some rough times ahead. Good luck and it’ll be so worth it. Get your life back!

Post # 37
Member
755 posts
Busy bee

Firstly, WELL DONE for telling your mom! This will be hard but it’s the first step to a happier and safer you.

Secondly, your husband is an epic dickhead. It’s abuse plain and simple

Thinking of you xx

Post # 38
Member
258 posts
Helper bee

Well done OP, and all the best from here on in.  Stay strong, it will be tough and you will have doubts about your decision, but know that life will go on and you will find happiness.  I promise 🙂 xxx

Post # 40
Member
5020 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

You did not fail. If anything you put everything into making this marriage work. Your time, effort and all your hopes and dreams. I’m so sorry you are in this situation but I am glad that you are prepared to move on. Best of wishes with your fresh start in life. Once the sadness subsides you will be filled with so much excitement and hope for a new and happier future. Trust me!

Post # 41
Member
5944 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
shellybelly83:  You will be more than okay after you get through this. You will feel so much better! I was married to a jerk myself and yes, felt like a failure, too. But I realized I’d only be a failure if I had stayed. It won’t be easy, but it’ll be worth it.

Post # 42
Member
7036 posts
Busy Beekeeper

View original reply
shellybelly83:  Hugs! Staying would have been throwing away years of your life–leaving is what you needed to do to pursue the possibilities of a happy marriage and happy family in your future. This is not your failure.

Best wishes to you, Bee. I know that this is hard, but you’ve taken the first steps toward a happier life.

Post # 43
Member
4697 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
shellybelly83:  You’re not throwing anything away! You’re miserable and unsafe.. Your life after this is over will be great because it will be on your own terms, not his.

Post # 44
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
shellybelly83:  You did NOT fail. You will be ok. You are being so strong and so brave. It’s hard now, but things WILL get better. Your life will be so much better off without this abuser in it. You’re doing the right thing!

Post # 45
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

View original reply
shellybelly83:  I am so sorry you are going through all of this. Your husband is mentally ill, and needs treatment. You already know you must leave. DO IT. This is madness. Don’t keep feeding into it. Be frank with your closest friends and ask them to help you move. Move much closer to your job. One foot in front of the other, one step at a time. 

The subtext of your narrative is that you feel that you have only been married a year, which feels like a failure. YOU DID NOT FAIL. Your circumstances changed, your husband showed his true colors and is scarily controlling and VIOLENT. It is actually a life or death situation for you. MOVE OUT ASAP. I can’t stress that enough! Your wellbeing is far more important.

I wish you every ounce of strength you will need to get your life in order and on track to normality and happiness. Hugs to you.

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