(Closed) Crap mood today. Even BF is talking about weddings….

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
442 posts
Helper bee

Oye. I hate the ugly side of the cycle! Just keep taking deep breaths my dear, and you will get through it! You’ve done such a good job keeping busy (ps my fingers are crossed for your interview next week), I know it’s hard.

I feel the same as you when I don’t get as much one on one time with my guy. And we live together! lol but our schedules are opposites more often than not, we’re lucky if we get maybe one night off a week together. I know how you feel when you say you need that girl time, but still somehow feel disconnected from him while taking that time for yourself like that… it’s weird how that happens. I’m glad you’re doing well sticking to Mr Bee’s plan though! Maybe you can help keep me on track with it! πŸ˜‰

It always seems to be the way, doesn’t it? Whenever you’ve just gotten ahold of yourself and managed to get your mind off it, everyone and their grandma is getting engaged or married. Or planning a wedding under your nose. Or announcing their news. Heck, I find it’s especially that way when you just can’t stop thinking about when your turn will come.

I find more often than not, it’s when I’m alone that my mind really gets going with all the daydreaming, wondering why it’s not happening, how it will happen, when it will happen, where it will happen, what he will say etc…. it’s when I’m alone that all hell breaks loose lol. And it’s when I start to feel the most down about the situation. Lately I’ve been able to talk myself out those blue moments, but sometimes, you just have to go through them.

Thank god for this board!! <3

ps… in regards to the whole procrastination thing, that reminds me of this one time my boyfriend said he’d pictured us married at 27, with a house, one kid already with another the way. All the while knowing we wanted to be married for a couple years before we start having children. Hmm… ok so for that to happen, we would’ve had to have been married like uh, yesterday? LOL it’s like he doesn’t realize these things sorta take a little bit of, oh say, a thing called planning hahaha. πŸ˜›

Post # 4
Member
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Ooooh I had an ugly moment last night – got on a case of what my SO calls the “no-speaks” – you know when you are so frustrated that you can’t trust yourself to be civil when you open your mouth. Was at a party when all the girls were either married or engaged and talking about weddings and babies and felt like such an immature little baby with nothing to contribute. Talking about it in the car, SO told me that I should be happy that I wasn’t alone…. grrrrr. I sealed that mouth shut tight. He finally prodded me about it at home… KA-BOOM. Just a whole bunch of little things adding up to make me feel like shit.

We talked it out though… feeling better today. I just hate those ugly moments and can’t wait til they are a thing of the past.

Post # 5
Member
1390 posts
Bumble bee

Girl, we’ve all been there for sure. Everything would be great if everyone around me could just stop getting married and engaged! Our fabulous vacation last week (and it really was fabulous!) was planned around wedding six in 2010. 6! It was also my best friend’s wedding. She’s a year younger than me. She’s in graduate school. I am so happy for her and her wedding was wonderful.

That being said, I’m ready. NOW. I’ve been planning my wedding since I was 5. I have sketches of my wedding from 7th grade. This very strong feeling of, ‘now it’s my turn’ has overcome me. My sisters are married with children. My best friend is married. 5 of my colegiate teammates got married this year and one is three years younger than me. SO’s best friend is engaged. SO and I are almost to our 4 year anniversary. I’ve planned our wedding 5 different ways and now I’m done. It’s planned. I have it all figured out and budgeted and he knows this because I tell him all about it. I have my ring designed and the shopping cart saved. I make him look at rings, gems, flowers, pretty much every day. He knows all about the Bee and that I put myself on the ‘waiting’ list and that I want to be crossed off! Sorry Mr. B. I tried. It didn’t work out. I asked him if he thought I was crazy and he said, “Yes. You are totally crazy. It’s why I love you. I don’t mind that you have it all planned or that you make me look at it. Just carry on, I’m not judging you. I can only look at gems for so many minutes though before they all look the same, so just save the page and I’ll figure it out.” HAHAHAHA.

The thing is, I’ve always been wedding crazy. My whole life. Everyone knows it. My other BFF came over today to talk about other one’s wedding and she said that she and another friend were chatting about how all of these weddings must be torture for me and I must be ready to scratch my face off in an attack of anxiety. That’s probably pushing it but not by much. In any case, SO has known for a LONG time that I am both slightly insane and very fond of weddings. Every once and a great while he gets freaked out and snarky about these things but usually he’s pretty tolerant of my insanity. For my part, I have put a filter on that stops me from saying, “but when will you figure it out? And will you give it to me right away? Can you buy it tomorrow?” Which is of course what I really want to say but I don’t!

Okay, so it’s late and I’m rambling but I’m not quite done yet. That BFF who got married? She totally used my ‘ring’ for her own. She was always a Tiffany Solitare girl and all of a sudden she showed up with a cushion cut tacori setting? Bah! When SO said, “oh, that sucks. you shouldn’t tell people about your ideas.” I just about said, “YOU SHOULD MARRY ME BEFORE ANYONE ELSE STEALS MY IDEAS, JERK-FACE!”

Post # 8
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@artichokey:  “When SO said, “oh, that sucks. you shouldn’t tell people about your ideas.” I just about said, “YOU SHOULD MARRY ME BEFORE ANYONE ELSE STEALS MY IDEAS, JERK-FACE!””

I just snorted bagel crumbs all over my keyboard.  And Boyfriend or Best Friend, who doesn’t know about all the time I spend on weddingbee, is all “Something funny?”

“Oh, just…funny… blog….”

I’m blaming you if my WB cover gets blown! πŸ˜‰

@DreamingBee: Hang in there!  Your plan to keep busy is impressive; I’ve been trying to do the same, and I’m hoping my friends aren’t getting sick of me!  Hanging out at home with Boyfriend or Best Friend has gotten tougher lately because I’m trying really hard not to let my euphoric-then-really-pissed mood swings show.  I wind up dodging the “Are you OK?” question way too often!

I have a “shut-up date” too – and it’s reassuring.  If it doesn’t happen by the end of his time frame (“end of summer”, which I’m interpreting as next weekend!), I’m letting it all out.  The thought saves me a little when I’m in the really angry “I don’t even care anymore” phase of the cycle.

Post # 9
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

Yeah, I got mock upset with my guy yesterda for bring up other folks wedding stuff.LOL He brought up their Save-The-Date Cards on his sister’s fridge. Telling me they are magnets. I was like, I told you about that idea in 2009! Don’t act like they are so special and new. Shoot. I told him that before those mofos were even engaged! He told me that we’ll get talking Save-The-Date Cards then, since no one will have those.LMAO He doesn’t get what I was saying.

authentic- I have that problem too. When I get alone and have time to think about stuff, or obsess on Weddingbee and see stuff for sale…it comes on my mind.LOL

artichokey- Oh, no she didn’t!! Glad you told your SO to get the show on the road so no one will steal them! I feel the same way.

Post # 10
Member
1390 posts
Bumble bee

@Lalai: Oh no! I wouldn’t want to blow your cover!!! You should have Hyperbole and a Half open in one tab and WB in another one so if anyone makes you snort in the future (which I understand, I too am a snorter) you can say, “OMG, Yes, V. funny blog, come read it.” He’ll be none the wiser. And it is a pretty funny blog, my SO keeps posting entries on his FB page. πŸ™‚

I’ve never quite yelled at him to hurry it up but I tend to be a grumbler and it’s sort of joke between us now. Whenever I’m annoyed or even if I’m just joking I’ll start grumbling under my breath by which I mean, slightly less loudly than I normally speak, speak in the third person, and usually carry it on for as long as I can manage and SO ends up cracking up. When I grumble I exaggerate. A lot. I usually end up laughing at the end before I can get it all out with a fake-serious voice. Here was last night’s:

Me: “We’ve watched 30 Rock for hours, let’s watch Say Yes to the Dress now!”

SO: “Err, that’s okay.”

Me: “Puh-lease?”

SO: “No, no. Let’s just watch one more 30 Rock.”

Me: enter grumble: “Hmph. He’s such a bad man never lets her watch her anything she wants, he always makes her watch shows she hates and she never gets to pick them. He’s so mean. And. He’s never nice. He’s probably going to make her wait until she’s 40 to get married and then he’ll say, ‘hahaha, but I’m only 38’ and she’ll be so old she won’t be able to have babies and she’ll have to have Botox so her face isn’t a puddle of wrinkles and she’ll be the ugliest bride ever because she’ll be so old and it will be all his fault. Also, he will probably steal her dachshunds and run away with them. They’re probably all he’s after anyway.”

Okay, so it wasn’t precisely those words but it was pretty close. I grumble about other things too and it’s a good thing he’s really entertained by it because other wise the Jerk-face line might slip out and that would probably be taken slightly worse than my grumbling.

Dreamingbee, I totally understand changing your mind about your ring. I was showing SO the new setting I’ve picked out since I don’t want my ring to closely mirror my friend’s. He said something like, ‘it’s good i waited cause you changed your mind.’ and I almost smacked him in the face. I’m pretty sure I did say, “well you gave me too much time. if K didn’t have hers, I’d still like this one.” Idiot man. I’m holding out hope that when we see it and them on one knee, we’ll forget all of our annoyance and ‘meh’ stuff and will be happy and thrilled. I’m a somewhat cynical person so we’ll see how that hope stuff works out for me.

 

Post # 12
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

ahh Dreamingbee I totally hear ya! I spent all yesterday with my best friend planning her wedding! The worst thing is that she does have some similar ideas to me so I did get a bit panicky that “oh no if she does this then I cant!”

But she did bring out a wedding magazine and say “I know what your dream wedding looks like!” and it was a spread on this fabulous rustic barn style wedding and I was absolutely drooling! Showed it to the boy (whose ideas on weddings are pretty basic and traditional) and he was absolutely in love with the idea!

So some good came out of the torture!!

At least you’ve only got 2 months left on the figuring it out stakes from the boy! It will fly by – particularly if you do go for the new job.

Post # 13
Member
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

So understand.

Four weekends ago: “Can you… plan a date for us?  You know, a specific attempt to let me know you want me as more than a cook?” “Yeah, sure…  Two weeks from now.”  “Alright.”

Last weekend – nothing.  Nada.  Just went bowling with his friends.

This weekend – gets off work early, because he had to take a friend to the ER and didn’t want to be the only one at work after 10pm.  So we went out to eat because all we had was something that would have taken three hours to make.  Saturday, he drags me to his company BBQ, with 40 some people, none of whom I really know.  Shortly before we leave, he asks what I’d like to to that day.  I say “wander around the mall, I guess?” “Alright.  I’m going to check on Tessa and Thomas first, though.” “OK.”  So we get home, shower, and I’m getting ready to go.  He gets a phone call.  “Oh, Ryan wants something or other.  He’ll be here in a few.”  An hour later, Ryan and a friend of his show up.  Ryan sets up on our patio with a drill bit and starts sanding Warhammer figurines with his buddy’s help (we have a small two bedroom apartment.)  Neither of these guys comprehends the meaning of “inside voices”.  Start playing on the Wii, playing StarCraft…  6 hours later (well after the mall is closed), they finally leave…  “Hey, honey, you don’t mind that they came over?” “Um, yes.  And you probably should have asked that before you told them they could come.” “Probably.” “And not after we already established what we were doing.” “I thought we were going to go to the mall?” “Yes, and you blew me off.  Again.” “Um… Yeah.” “I don’t like being blown off.” “No one does.”  Didn’t speak to him for hours.  Not until I had three glasses of wine in me…  Which I broke out just so I wouldn’t be completely pissed at him all weekend.

We did wander around the mall today.  At least six jewelers.  No surprise, he didn’t even glance at them.  He hasn’t made any form of attempt since Valentine’s Day!!!  Of course, he thinks going out with a group of people still counts as a date…  Makes me think there’s something wrong with me that he doesn’t even want to make the attempt.

Post # 14
Member
1390 posts
Bumble bee

@DreamingBee:

I’ve found a new one that I really like and I think I’ll be okay. I’ve always wanted a cushion cut and the previous setting/band that I wanted was ornate and sort of scalloped. I’m still into the Tacori settings but I’m going to go with a really fine halo and a very fine pave band. I think it’ll be good for my hand actually. I need a biggish stone because I have super chunky fingers. I also need a thin band because the space between my knuckle and my palm is TINY. I’m also going to get a white sapphire instead of a diamond so I WILL be unique. Muwaahahahahaha.

@cyneswith:

Ooooh, that’s uncool! I’d be mad too. SO tends to be a non-planner and I think because I often make the plans, it’s even worse. He plans maybe two or three dates for us a year. I know it’s partially my fault because I am totally the keeper of our social schedule and most of the time he asks, ‘what are we doing today?’ because he knows there’s an itinerary. However if we had plans and he let his friends come over and just slob around all day there I would have left and gone to the mall on my own and then there would have been hell to pay. Can you communicate how ultra-unokay that was? I totally understand being passive and the not-speaking thing but I also definitely think you should talk about what happened because your SO really needs to understand just how uncool that was of him. Hang in there girl, sometimes men are just stupid.

Post # 16
Member
375 posts
Helper bee

I am so glad you posted this!! I’m totally having the same terrible day. Last night he tells me that he thinks we’re too young and that he’d be embarrassed to tell people we were engaged because we’re so young.

RRRR! We’re not young!!! Under 25 could maybe still be young, but we’re past that 25 mark! We’ve been dating for 3 1/2 years too!

He also said that he wanted his older cousins to get married first. UMM not going to happen?! It’s not my fault that they’re 29 and aren’t even dating anyone!

 

I’m so unbelievably frustrated! And then he also said that he thinks it doesn’t matter if we’re engaged or not, we’re together!

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