(Closed) Crap. What to do about a officiant we no longer want to marry us?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
2249 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

could you have an ordained family memeber do it? then you can say "i’m so sorry but my uncle who is a minister asked my dad and i didn’t know…" or you could just be upfront and say you feel like your union doesn’t fit with his readings or beliefs but that you appreciate him being willing to do it…

Post # 4
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

I had no issues with my officiant, I hand picked him and I had known him for years.  I suggest you call and let him know that you feel that your beliefs aren’t completely compatible with his and you will be looking for someone else to officiate the marriage.  Of course say it tactfull (i suffer from foot in mouth disease).

Post # 6
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I was going to suggest avoiding him like the plague until after your wedding, but I would just be honest with him.  I would probably just call him and let him know that after your meeting, you just felt that he and you had a different feeling of how the ceremony should be and you have decided to have someone else officiate.  Maybe still invite him to the wedding as a peace offering, although, I would be surprised if he came!

Post # 7
2249 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

anyone can be ordained at universallifechurch.com

Post # 8
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

You should never ask anyone to change their beliefs for you – nor should they ask you to change your beliefs for them. In my opinion, that is wrong in too many ways to mention here. As difficult as it may seem, you need to honest with him. You will have future contact with this person and the last thing you want to do is lie to him. That would just leave a bad feeling for both of you.

Having different beliefs during a wedding can make your day very stressful and end up not being what you want it to be. Ultimately, it is about you and your Fiance and YOUR beliefs, not anyone elses. I’d tell him calmly and nicely that you are happy for him becoming a pastor, but that you hadn’t realized your beliefs were so drastically different from his; as such, you feel uncomfortable asking him to perform your marriage ceremony.

Whatever you decide, good luck!

Post # 9
1149 posts
Bumble bee

What Chianti said.  Honesty is the best policy, and you’ll preserve your good karma by being upfront with him. 

Good luck!

Post # 10
13 posts
  • Wedding: July 2009

If you felt uncomformtable sitting there in that meeting can you imagine on your wedding day? I would tell him that you both apperciated his attempt to marry you but you felt that you were too ‘liberal’ and his views are a little more traditional than expected and apolgize if there was any misgivings and you still relaly want to be friends at work because you really like him and hope for the best on his next time he gets to do  a wedding, I would be straight and up front I know its going to be hard but you don’t want to insult your guests.

The topic ‘Crap. What to do about a officiant we no longer want to marry us?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors