- 1 month ago
My sister in law says my husband and I do not treat her like family, but that is just not the case from my perspective. I just don’t know how to deal with my sister in law.
She says that we do not tell her anything that happens to us, we do not share information with her and that she is the last to know. Now, I am an introvert and my husband is an extreme introvert and prefers to keep to himself. We do not really like to share everything with everyone especially if we don’t see you in person. I am not just going to call you up or text you randomly just to tell you things for no reason, and things that don’t even pertain to her. She says she is an introvert too, but yet she says we don’t communicate with her and she feels left out. True introverts do not care so much about others telling you what is going on in their lives, especially if you don’t even make it a point to hang out with them!
Her example was that when I got engaged, I didn’t tell her. I only told my parents and my 4 closest friends, I let them tell everyone one else because I do not like the attention that comes along with the announcement. And she judges me for not telling her. Then when I had a baby, she went crazy and said that I didn’t ask her for permission to have my dad watch my baby the week I gave birth. My dad retired to babysit her baby, so she thinks I am stealing her resource and inconveniencing her. I am a semi superstitious person, I don’t want to ask someone yet and plan for babysitting when I don’t even know if the baby will make it. I am in my late 30s and was very nervous something can go wrong, so I did not want to make plans until my baby is here. I took 3 months off so I thought I should have enough time to arrange for babysitting within the 3 months before I went back to work. And the week my baby was born, she said I did not consult her on regarding my dad helping to babysit and she had to hear it from some cousin that my dad was babysitting. My dad jokes to my extended family all the time that he can handle taking care of 2 kids at the same time no problem, and she took that as me having already asked my dad and didn’t inform her. First of all, if my dad thinks he can babysit two babies, what makes her in charge of my dad’s life? Second, I hadn’t asked my dad yet, she just put words and thoughts in my mouth that in totally untrue. When I found out she got mad, I texted her nicely and invited her and my brother over for dinner the weekend after but they declined it and did not want to talk about it at all. Fast forward 6 months, she still holds a grudge and said I did not reach out until 2 months after I gave birth. She is dillusional. I have texts to prove it that I texted her asking to have dinner to chat 2 weeks after I gave birth. I was still healing and thought she could be empathize with me, but nope!
So I hired a helper to go to my dad’s to babysit along with my dad since it makes sense to have another person be there in case someone needs to go to the bathroom, etc. And she was so judgmental on who to hire… goddamnit, I am the one paying for it, not her! WTF? She was so trying to make my life miserable while I was trying to be helpful. She scolded my dad for not yelling at my husband for finding a job. At that time, my husband was set to be laid off because his company was shutting down, he had 6 months notice. And she had the decency to scold my dad for not demanding my husband to not work and stay home and take care of me and the baby. Ummm… who’s gonna pay the bills here?? I have no paid maternity leave, I used my sick days and vacation for only a part of my 3 months off, the rest of it was unpaid.
My mom has said since day 1 that she is super jealous of me for some reason. I do not know why and do not get it. I have been nice to her, think of her, my brother, and my niece and would get them random little things for no particular reason. It was just cuz I was thinking of them. I would ask them out to do things together with my cousins, but I guess it’s not enough? What I found out from my brother is that if you don’t ask her first for her thoughts, you are disrespectful to her. For example, if you say… “oh, we’re having dinner at 6, where would you like to go?”, that is disrespectful. You have to ask her “What time do you want to go to dinner?”. That just makes me think that she thinks the world revolves around her and she needs to be the first to know about everything!! I am almost always the last to know, but that’s fine for me, I know the world doesn’t revolve around me. But how the heck am I supposed to deal with her? I totally do not agree with her point of view, and I would usually not be friends with people who are so high maintenance like this. I love my brother and I don’t want to cut ties with my brother cuz of her. Now, when I see her, I feel like I am walking on eggshells and she can go crazy again and as my brother said, “when she’s crazy, he’s afraid she will do something rash.” My heart aches for her to be in that much pain and to view the world like this, but my heart aches so much more for my brother who married this self centered brat. I love my brother and need to deal with her so I can keep my brother in my life… what do I do? ;_;