Post # 1
I have a crazy Aunt who is getting on my nerves. She is my Dad’s sister and I know my Dad and his siblings had a rough upbringing, so they are all a bit off. She craves attention like crazy. Anyways, for my bridal shower she first told my mom she wants to help out as much as possible as she is my god mother. However, when my mom and Maid/Matron of Honor called her she said she was too busy to help and that she felt that it wasn’t her place to help. So they didn’t ask her again. Then when she got her invitation to the shower, she called right away and told my Maid/Matron of Honor (also my sister) that she doesn’t think she can come because her son might have a soccer game. This was fine. Then she called back a week before the shower and said he doesn’t have a game, but she isn’t sure if she is going to make it because she isn’t feeling well. She ended up showing up to the shower late and pranced around telling people no one wanted her to help out.
Fast forward to my batchelorette party. She was invitated and she immediately called my Maid/Matron of Honor and told her that her friend wasn’t invited. Now her friend is actually a long time family friend who usually attends our family events, but I wanted something small. My Maid/Matron of Honor didn’t want to get into it with her so she said she would send her in invitation. They both RSVP’d yes and it was all set. Then 2 hours before the batchelorette party she sends me a text that she isn’t coming because she doesn’t have power at her house. I don’t answer because I just don’t care. Then she sends me another text half an hour later saying that her power is back, but she was supposed to stain her deck that weekend so she is going to do that instead. All I reply is ‘okay’. Of course she shows up anyways. Her friend however doesn’t come because I apparently made her feel unwelcomed. Once at the shower she is super critical. She tells my sister (MOH) that her house is too big. That she doesn’t need that much house because her son is almost out of high school so she will feel all alone. My other aunt feels bad and tells her off which turns into a fight. lovely.
Now we get to the actual wedding. She first RSVP’d yes for 3 people. Her, her husband, and their son. Then about a week before the RSVP due date she calls my parents and tells them that her husband is not coming because he just booked a really cool gig that night (he is a musician). Then she called me a week after the RSVP due date to tell me that her son isn’t coming either because she needs someone to stay home and take care of the dog. I just said fine, what ever. at least she let me know.
Now we are planning on getting nails done the thursday before the wedding. My Bridesmaid or Best Man (also my cousin) was going to invite all the girls in the family and I said no. I just want the BMs and my mom because I am sick of my aunt and her drama. Of course she told my aunt I said that and now my aunt is telling everyone (except me) she is not coming to the wedding because I don’t really want her there. I kind of want to just ignore this. Just keep her on the list and just assume she is going to show up. I feel like i would rather loose money on her meal than deal with talking to her right now. I don’t need this stress. The wedding is coming fast AND Fiance and I just started TTC. Her drama is the last thing I want to deal with. However, my mom and my Maid/Matron of Honor said it will be worse to deal with it the day of so I should just deal with it now. I don’t know.
What do you guys think? Should I ignore her or call her to work it out?
Post # 3
Is said crazy Aunt the mother of the bm you said that to? I’d be annoyed if someone said that to me about my mom (who is nutty & we all know it). That said, from experience I say just act like she’s coming and ignore it.
Post # 4
act like she is coming. i wouldnt deal with her drama personally anymore. if she talks to mom or cousins or anyone let them deal with it
Post # 5
@Bubbles42: No it’s not her mom and she agreed with me that my aunt has been a nightmare through this whole process. I really should have known she was going to tell her though because that is the kind of person she is. You can’t tell her anything unless you don’t care if everyone knows it. However, she’s the one who offered to organize the mini spa day, so I had to tell her that i just didn’t want that stress two days before the wedding.
Post # 6
Just ignore it. She sounds almost identical to my aunt – always needs attention and will create drama at any opportunity (plus pretends she is the greatest mother in the world even though none of her kids want anything to do with her…). She wanted to be the centre of attention at my wedding, too – got upset when I didn’t make her a bridesmaid (none of my aunts were BMs), wanted to knit me a wedding dress (yes, you read that correctly), wanted her long-term boyfriend to propose to her at my wedding, and wanted to be able to make a speech as my “oldest aunt and the oldest member of my dad’s immediate family at the wedding.”
If the aunt really is as crazy as she sounds, everyone in the family will know how nutty she is, so I wouldn’t worry too much about trying to justify yourself. If you think it will help, maybe just mention that “She’s been a bit flakey lately, and the last thing I want is to book in to do nails (and pay for her appointment) without even knowing if she’ll show up. I’ve got a lot on my plate because I’m just about to get married, etc. etc.”
Just ignore her – it sounds like she thrives off drama, so if she says she’s not coming, just say “Oh well, we’ll miss having you there. Hope you have a good weekend anway!” and leave it at that. Unless she actually tells you or your parents/MOH/someone responsible for wedding planning that you aren’t coming (i.e. you haven’t just heard it through the grapevine), assume she is coming
Post # 7
@MrsMath: She didn’t tell YOU so her RSVP stands. She’s an attention whore, don’t give in. Assign Bridesmaid or Best Man Big Mouth the task of herding Crazy Aunt away from you as her punishment for speaking out of turn.
Post # 8
@MrsMath: ugh that does suck. The only good part about my own mom being the crazy one is that I’m able to tell her to get over herself.
Post # 9
I’d ignore it (don’t feed the drama) and assume she will attend. She hasn’t declined properly, I ignore hearsay.
Post # 10
Just assume she is coming. It seems like she has a pattern. She keeps changing her mind about going to these events and coming up with lame excuses to try and start drama, and then when you dont indulge her by getting all bent out of shape, she shows up anyway. There’s no way she is going to miss your wedding because that would be passing up a perfect opportunity to try and drum up some sympathy from others. Just leave her on the list and keep acting clueless about what she is doing/saying, and don’t say anything more about it to your big-mouthed cousin.
Post # 11
@MrsMath: i have craycray people in my family, and let me tell you, i have learned that totally ignoring them is ALWAYS the best solution. you have way more awesome and important things to worry about right now (your wedding AND TTC, how amazing!) that you should be able to focus your joy and attention on than what one nutjob is saying or doing.
your approach is right; leave her on the list and as Dory says, ‘just keep swimming’.