Post # 16
sarathemermaid : What he is basically saying is that in the past we agreed that after we get our permanent jobs after our internships and whatnot later we would take 3 years to save money to buy a house, get retirmenet savings figured out, save emergency funds and while we are doing all that we would also be able to relax and travel since this is the first time in 10 years either of us has a flexable schedule. We decided this 4 years ago? before we were married. Now 4 years later, he does not want to change our plans and I did agree to this plans in the past but now I am waivering. Its easier to say at 27 yea sure we can wait 3 years after we have permanent jobs vs. now starting to wait another 3 years at 31 meaning that we wont even TTC till I am 34-35.
Post # 17
anon201800 : It sounds like you both have valid points and concerns. I think some sort of compromise is necessary here.
Post # 18
anon201800 : Looks like my response got eaten, but I was in the same position as you earlier this year. D.H. and I had discussed TTC at 33+ and had a long list of things we wanted to accomplish: house, 2 promotions for me, new job for him, travel, $x in savings, etc. I was totally fine with that when we agreed to it, and honestly was concerned that it would be too soon! I was hit with baby fever for the first time a little before my 30th birthday and was really scared that D.H. would not want to move up our timeline. He was a little surprised the first time we discussed it (we had even been fence sitters when we were younger, and I have never felt very maternal), but our conversations have been evolving over the months since I brought it up. We sat down and went through what were must haves versus like to haves. We went through our finances to see what was doable (daycare is $$$ here), realized we’ve checked off a lot of things on our “must have” list already, and are tentatively TTC next year.
I couldn’t tell from your OP whether you’ve discussed this once with your husband or if he has dismissed your concerns multiple times, but if it’s the former, he may just need more time and conversations to get used to the idea of TTC sooner. If it’s the latter, I would have another sit down conversation and let him know that even if he’s not ready, it’s not ok to dismiss your thoughts and feelings. Either way, it sounds like more conversations need to happen for you two to get on the same page. I do sympathize! I hope that you and your D.H. can find a compromise that makes you both happy.