(Closed) Crazy coming out when you buy your house?

posted 8 years ago in Home
Post # 3
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Our families were not crazy when we were buying a house.  We did it mostly on our own so maybe that’s why.

Post # 4
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I’ve got to say, that for me this was surprisingly NOT the case. My parents are super involved, I talk to my mom every day, I’ve had issues before with my mom trying to be too involved, AND my dad is in construction— so I really thought we might hit some issues when we bought a house but we totally didn’t! 

I will say this though: My parents have bought two homes (one just a few years ago), are pretty intelligent about financing, and my dad is in construction– so I do really value their opinion. I made no attempt to shut them out because I consider them free resources! I asked for their opinions on things and I asked my dad to come and look at the houses we were seriously considering. But they only did as much as I asked and they didn’t push or give too many opinions or anything at all. They were incredibly supportive and excited for me (and my Fiance, we bought together), and acted exactly as I would’ve hoped they would. 

Post # 5
Member
4123 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Where did you see that? That’s not how it happened for us! Our parents were very supportive and there if need be but otherwise were just overall happy for us.

Post # 6
Member
4123 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Where did you see that? That’s not how it happened for us! Our parents were very supportive and there if need be but otherwise were just overall happy for us.

Post # 7
Member
4024 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Our parents were awesome and so helpful and supportive when we got our house! They have been like that with the wedding planning too though.

Post # 8
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Our families weren’t crazy at all.  My father was our real estate agent and got us deals on the attorney and appraisal and all that good stuff.  FI’s family helped us out hugely with the down payment and finance stuff.   No one brought the crazy.  Other than the crazy happy emotional love you show when you’re proud of your kids. 

They even managed to reign in the fact that they were all a little freaked because we were buying a home and not even engaged yet. It really depends on the family.  Test the waters a little with both sides and see how they react.  Don’t announce fully “We’re buying a house and we’re doing it ASAP, get on board or get out of my way.” 

 

Ask thoughtful questions, like what did they look for in a neighborhood?  Who did they talk with for financial advice?  What percentage (not how much $$) did they save for a down payment? Stuff that lets them know you’re thinking in that direction but not necessarily (do you like the exposed brick better in this house or this one?) stuff you want to compromise and decide on with your FI/DH.

 

It’s a huge commitment, but it can be super fun.  For us, it was less stressful then the wedding planning by far.

Post # 9
Member
3041 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

My mom has been nothing but supportive. I don’t think its the case with all families. I’d say don’t involve your family too much… this is going to be YOUR home. Are you two paying for it? Or are they helping you financially?

I’d say you & your SO come up with a list of “must haves” for the house you want to buy. Don’t buy a house that your parents want, because you are living there & paying for it.

Post # 11
Member
5761 posts
Bee Keeper

I’ve gone through it with both daughters (one just last night for the inspection!) and we only offered advice when we were asked. I  remember how excited we were when we bought our first  home, but in those days our parents weren’t very interested and only wanted to see it once we moved in.

 If they wanted our help we’d be there in a heartbeat, but we did pretty good in not offering unsolicted advice. We ended up being thrilled with both their choices! The decisions they made were for them and not us, and we wanted them all to be happy…so it was easy.

Post # 13
Member
3041 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I guess my opinion only applies if they’re the type of people who try to take control. If you want their help/advice, than sure involve them. I mean SOME people may go crazy “ohh why do you want to live here” & if you get those comments, I’d not include them. But they may offer you help & advice that you never thought about. Do they own their home? Do they have connections?

Maybe casually say “we’re looking into buying a home” & see how they react. If they’re positive, I’d say include them, if they go all crazy on you, then you don’t have to tell them your plans/how soon you’re getting a house.

Post # 14
Member
1752 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Our parents weren’t even involved!  So we had no issues there.  We knew our house when we saw it & we made an offer the next day…

Post # 15
Member
3041 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Since you’re paying for it, there’s not much they can really do. I just wouldn’t show them what houses or tell them your budget that you’re looking for if you’re worried about craziness.

Post # 16
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

The only way I could see this possibly happening is if the parents are buying the house for the couple (which I have never heard of!) or they are giving a lot of money to them to help towards the downpayment.  My Fiance and I bought our house ourselves and the only thing my mom and her husband did was go with us on a few house tours so we could get their input on things to watch out for and some good ideas on what we could change that we don’t like.  It was fun actually!  We handled the loan process and everything all on our own.

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