- 9 years ago
- Wedding: September 2009
Ok, so I need some hive opinions here. To give a bit of background. This is regarding one of FI’s oldest high school friends. We decided like many people getting married to limit the plus ones. Only for married people, engaged, living together or dating more than one year. I personally think that is quite reasonable. This particular girl has been dating this guy for roughly 7 months. We’ve never met him (not that we didn’t want to but she lives in a far away state). She and Fiance only email occasionally these days.
Before we sent out our invites, Fiance gets an email from her saying, “so, ‘Joe’ is going to score an invite right?’ Fiance responded saying he was really sorry that we wouldn’t be able to invite him and explained our constraints and our rules. We then sent out our invites, and didn’t hear back from her. Fiance sends another email saying hey, how are you-hope you’re getting your mail, haven’t gotten your RSVP yet. Nothing in response for several weeks. He emails agian, hey you never responded. We then get an angry email saying how mad she is about the whole thing, saying, don’t we want to meet this guy, etc. Fiance says, well of course, but is our wedding really the best time for that, if he’s important to you which he obviously is we want to meet him for real! Plus, he outlined our constraints again and apologized and said we would invite him if we got more no’s than we expected! She then writes the following email:
You’re right, meeting ‘Joe’ on your wedding day is not ideal–you’ll only have a few minutes for me/us. I almost didn’t even include that bit for that very reason. But that’s exactly why you should take the experience of your guests into consideration–they will only see you for a few minutes, so as much as you’d like to think it’s all about the couple getting married, it’s not really. I have absolutely no interest in driving 8 hours in one weekend so I can make small talk with obviously friendly people I’ll never see again and talk to you for few minutes. And while the ‘Smiths’ are lovely, neither am I interested in driving 8 hours for them. Let’s be honest–while you’d be hurt because you’d feel that I don’t think attending your wedding is an important enough reason to spend a weekend away from ‘my city’ during recruiting season, your wedding experience would be in no way altered by my presence or lack thereof. I’m sure you think that this is the wrong attitude, but I view weddings primarily as an opportunity to catch up with other wedding guests, not with the bride and groom precisely for the reason you pointed out. So if I’m not going to see anyone I have a huge desire to catch up with, I’m unlikely to attend. I was, however, willing to use your wedding as an excuse to bring ‘Joe’ to Cincinnati to introduce him to my parents and to see ‘our mutual friend, Emily’.
Here’s what it comes down to–you made a choice that I don’t agree with and that impacts my ability to enjoy the weekend. I understand that it’s your wedding and you are the one who gets to make the choices. I certainly am not trying to browbeat you into inviting ‘Joe’. But you’re implying you had no way around your decisions, and that’s just not true.”
I MEAN REALLY?!!!!!!!!!! WHO SAYS THIS TO SOMEONE?! So Fiance responds and is extremely hurt saying, well basically you obviously didn’t even want to come unless you could be killing two birds with one stone’ and we had said we would invite him IF WE COULD. And if she had picked up the phone and said to him, this is really important to me, and i would feel more comfortalbe WE WOULD HAVE OF COURSE INVITED HIM.
OK, thank you if you made it that far. Could someone tell me if we’re overreacting? I mean the problem now is, if we cave and invite him then it’s going to be super awkward, and if we don’t either she won’t show up (maybe good at this point) or she will and be super pissed. UGH!