(Closed) crazy email response to not getting a plus 1!!! -long vent!-

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Nutjob. Just ignore her and see where the friendship goes after the wedding. Do NOT invite Joe, whatever you do. Don’t give in!


ps~ what kind of recruiting is she doing?

Post # 5
1091 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Oakland Manor

Gah, I’d just reply back with an

“I’m sorry you feel that way.

yours, Kara’sFH”. 


Who gets that pissed off? She needs to get a grip.

Post # 6
484 posts
Helper bee

Is she serious? This girl is no friend of your FH’s. Just drop it and hope she doesn’t show. What a nutjob.

Post # 7
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

In general I would have said that if she had been dating they guy for seven months and was traveling from out of state, it would be ok to invite her date.  But after seeing her email, I think she is completely out of line, and don’t think she warrants any concessions with that type of attitude.  She is very out of line, and you’re right, it would just be awkward if Joe were to come now, because of that email.

Post # 8
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Wow I think that is TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE on her part! 

I say stick to your guns and don’t invite “JOE”!!!!!! At this point SHE should be embarrassed to show up – she made it very clear she is ONLY interested in coming if she can bring Joe home to meet family and emily so I would just stick to your guns and hope she doesn’t come!

I am sorry you and your FH are having to deal with this! *HUGS*

Post # 10
33 posts

Wow.. self centered to the core! Can’t even stop thinking about themself for ONE day for you guys to get married how you want to get married. I would not waste any more energy on this person. Maybe they will realize how RUDE it was to say all that to you and try to make up for it.. but if not, then who wants some body like that in their life anyway? Negative energy.

Post # 11
908 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m going to start by saying that her e-mail does sound a little crazy but at the same time, she might not be COMPLETLY wrong.

It sounds like your fiance might have gone overboard when he was explaining to her why her Boyfriend or Best Friend couldn’t come.  Maybe he said several times that he would love to have “joe” there but that his hands were tied and that there were guest list limitations.  She is correct in stating that you guys choose a smaller wedding but she is wrong to imply that there is anything wrong with that!!  To me it sounds like she is mostly angry about the excuses that your husband gave. 

You said that “And if she had picked up the phone and said to him, this is really important to me, and i would feel more comfortalbe WE WOULD HAVE OF COURSE INVITED HIM.” but it sounds like she did express to you both that this was important to her when she asked several times if she could bring him.

It’s difficult to draw a line on the +1s and I understand someone feeling hurt b/c their 7 month relationship isn’t viewed as important as a relationship only 5 months longer.  I also understand that driving 8 hours to a wedding by yourself must suck.  However, she was TOTALLY out of line with her e-mail and should have accepted your proposal to include him if you get enough NOs.

I would respond to the e-mail and tell her that you did sacrifice guestlist for a wedding that you want and that she has no right to judge you for that. 

Post # 12
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Yikes.  Here’s the thing — it makes sense that if she doesn’t know a lot of other people at the wedding, and won’t be able to bring her boyfriend, that she might not want to attend.  But the way she’s handled it is extremely unpleasant and self-centered.  Like you said, if she’d approached it by saying, “this is really important to me, I don’t know many people at your wedding and I would be a lot more comfortable if I could bring ‘Joe,'” you guys would have been more inclined to make it work!  Instead she chose to be judgmental and nasty.

I think Miss D’Orsay’s response is the perfect one.  “I’m sorry you feel that way.  We will put you down as a ‘decline.’  Yours, Kara’s FH.”

One of the frustrating things about wedding planning is that you just can’t please everyone.  If you’d thrown the backyard BBQ wedding she suggests, and invited the whole planet, some out-of-town guests might have crabbed that a backyard BBQ wasn’t “special” enough to justify the trip.  Or let’s say you cut out the entree options to add more guests — then they’d complain that they didn’t get to choose what they ate.  So even though she’s acting as though you guys made selfish choices, the choices you made will actually cause most guests to enjoy your wedding more.  She’s the exception, unfortunately, and apparently she isn’t mature enough to deal with the idea that the word doesn’t revolve around her.

Post # 13
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Wow. If she’d been nice about it, you guys could have let him come if she’d been all, “oh well, it’s a long drive” blah blah blah.

But no, she had to be crazy and completely irrational.

Sorry you guys are going through this. Maybe you should email her yourself and let her know that if she’d behaved like a normal human being it would have been one thing and how dare her be like this and too bad, you guys thought you could be friends.


Post # 14
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

OMG, what a nutjob. Regardless of your decision to invite her or not initially, she has certainly proven that she doesn’t give a crap about your wedding and went so far as to say that she was “willing to use your wedding as an excuse to bring ‘Joe’ to Cincinnati to introduce him to my parents and to see ‘our mutual friend, Emily’.” Um, to me that means she doesn’t really care about your wedding and it was simply a convenience for HER.

I’d forget her. Write back and say, “Thank you for your email. I will assume based upon your tirade that you will not be in attendance.”

Seriously, don’t lose sleep over this, she’s crazy. And wait until she’s planning her wedding to Joe and gets to face the reality of a budget, guest list and plus one’s. Oye.

Post # 15
428 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009 - Church Ceremony/Reception at The Waterford House

Wow, too bad you didn’t plan your wedding around her schedule/wants/needs!  I think you responded appropriately.  It’s her loss anyways….

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