Post # 1
So this is really just going to be a really long rant about my experiences. First off, I used to get along with my FMIL UNTIL she found out that I also get along really well with my fiance’s stepmom. Now, she’s completely crazy.
In fact, everything has gotten so bad that she was on the phone with my fiance for an hour and a half yelling at him about how staying at my father’s on Christmas Eve (like we have for the last 4 years) is inconsiderate and his sister needs a “normal” Christmas. Apparently us getting to her house at 7:30 am wasn’t good enough when she wanted us there at 7…
After her telling him that his priorities were messed up, he should feel guilty, etc. he was actually on the verge of tears! I had had enough! So I grabbed the phone, said some choice words and we still aren’t speaking. I was “univited” to her house and her parents, which then my fiance refused to go if I wasn’t invited (Kudos to him!!!)
His sisters have dropped out of the wedding (which his mom had forced anyway) & his mom keeps telling him that they need to talk “in private” without me. She’s continued telling everybody in our hometown about how I’m this terrible person and I won’t let her help with any wedding plans, but everything I had tried to involve her in ended up with “well so & so did it this way” or “I’ll only pay if you do what so & so did”. I’ve completely had enough & so have the other FIL’s & my family.
Things have gotten way out of hand. She even started holding the guest list hostage!!!
Post # 3
That sucks – both for you but perhaps most for your FI. It’s never nice to realise that your mum is crazy – my FI came to that conclusion a few years ago, and we’re still struggling with how to handle it.
My only advice is to keep it together, but be very harsh when it comes to outright sabotage of your wedding. If she holds the guest list hostage? Fine, tell her you’ll make a new one, not consulting her at all, and if she’s not OK with that – well, she’s free to miss the wedding if that’s what she decides to do. When people aren’t reasonable it doesn’t help to try to make things easier for them, they will just find something else to complain about. Plan the wedding with those that has a genuine interest in YOU, not themselves.
Post # 4
I’m in sort of the same situation with my boyfriends sister. She actually reached out to him last night because it was his birthday and made it very clear she wants to mend inks with him but nothing to do with me. I think the best thing to do is have him go talk to her alone, and work on that first and then ease you into the situation. You being on the “outside” of the family, for lack of a better description, just adds to her resentment toward you. If he can talk to her first and try and make her understand your feelings, while still keeping hers in mind, it’ll make it easier for the two of you to eventually talk. Hope everything works out!
Post # 5
I am in the same situation. I think its wonderful that your fiance is standing beside you. You just need to have a talk with him. Agree on how you are going to handle any situations in the future and stand your ground. I wish you the best of luck, a long happy marriage, and a smooth beautiful wedding.
Post # 6
I’m in the same situation, except reversed with the mom and step-mom. I’ve tried talking with the step-mom, but she either quickly changes the subject or talks right over me. Its so odd to see how their family works. That’s grea that your fiance is being so supportive of you. My suggestion would be to just continue planning without her…try to enjoy the process and not let her ruin it for you (like my future FIL and future step MIL tried to do to us). Wishing you the best of luck!