- 2 years ago
- Wedding: May 2017
Well, all hell broke loose today. This may be long so I apologize in advance:/
For those of you who have read my previous posts, today wrapped up the final showdown between me and my parents.
To recap, my mom is emotionally abusive. I grew up in a strict “Christian” home. For a long time I had a hard time admitting that how I was treated was wrong. I grew up walking on eggshells thinking I deserved to be punished for being a bad kid. I had good grades, stayed out of trouble, had a people pleasing complex and felt that no matter what I did, I was never good enough. My mother thought I was a demon child and chased me around the kitchen table with the closest hard object in hand, yelling expletives when I angered her. She didn’t spare the rod well after I turned 18.
Fast forward 20 years into the future where I met my fiancé.
At the age of 25 we were engaged and happy to be together. He is the most amazing man, patient, understanding, my best friend, goofy, smart, handsome. To my mother, he wasn’t good enough. 11 months into our engagement and after almost four years together, she tells me that I’ll be dragging him behind me my whole life (we are both college grads and well into our professional careers). She told me he isn’t a helper to me (he literally worships the ground I walk on and drops what he is doing to help – I don’t ask often, but he is always there for me and vice versa).
This sweet man never had to be told to propose. He led the initiative in buying our home a few months ago. She never bothered to get to know him and blames him for not reaching out even though we both have.
Despite owning our home, I continued to live with my parents because I wanted to honor my faith and their wishes. My fiancé and I chose not to reveal that we bought a house together and intended to live together once we got married. (My family likes to ask me for money so telling them I could afford a house with my fiancé would have created issues.)
8 months into our engagement we decided it was time to set a date. We never wanted a long engagement and set a date four months out with the intention of having a very small intimate family only wedding. My mom blew up and said no, giving us no reason other than “you can’t get married on a week day, it just isn’t done”. “You need to spend the right amount of money so the family isn’t embarrassed”. We provided five alternatives that all got shot down (separate blow ups).
My parents can’t afford to give us a wedding and I never asked them to do so. I would never expect it. Yet they expected us to plan and foot the bill for a wedding we didn’t want and given we are new home owners couldn’t afford.
Between the four blow ups, bad mouthing my fiancé and his family for being not Christian enough to understand why a wedding was important, my fiancé and I decided it wasn’t worth trying to include them anymore and decided to elope as we originally wanted.
We enjoyed our wedding, it was small and intimate and beautiful. I went right back to work afterwards and waited a few days to tell my parents so my fiancé and I could just enjoy being married.
When I told them today, my mom said I wasn’t married until a pastor said I was married (our officiant was a minister). She said that “sluts have better weddings than you did”, “you better not think of living with ‘him’ or god is going to punish you” “you brought shame on our family” “don’t you dare post photos”, “I’m going to pray that god teaches you a lesson for what you put us through”.
Bees, it was bad. This was the tame version.
My sister messaged my husband to tell him Christians don’t do things like this if they want blessings from God, and that he can’t live with me until we have a real wedding.
I took angry calls from my mom and dad about “how dare I rob them of the ability to give me a wedding” “I’m going to take you to the Gyno to get you checked out” “you robbed yourself of you dream wedding”. They said we needed to wait until they saved enough (they are barely scraping by) to give us the wedding they knew we wanted (we never wanted a big wedding).
Back in November I told them My work is extremely demanding and if we don’t get married now, we will have to wait until 2019. Neither of us wanted to wait that long. It wasn’t reasonable, and I told them before that I didn’t want an extravagant wedding and something small would be perfect; we are very practical people and having a big anything wasn’t us at all. My parents didn’t care and continued to yell, with no pause, about how we disobeyed God and there will be consequences for our stupid decisions. I tried to explain that they weren’t respecting our wishes; and the blow ups about the date and my fiancé, now husband, showed us that this was about them and not about us.
Well, my parents threatened to destroy my career if I didn’t come home. So I’m at my parents house, while my husband is at our home, alone.
My husbands family was thrilled for us. So was my boss and my staff.
Tomorrow, I’m leaving my parents behind. Bees, am I crazy?