Post # 1
I am getting married in September and am excited for the most part (FMIL drama aside). I have a couple of friends who I will call “uber Catholics”, by that I mean not just following the “rules” but to the extreem.
I am getting married to a lovely Jewish man, who has good naturedly suffered through NFP classes, Engaged encounters, Pre-marital counseling and goes to Mass with me to “play nice” with my priest. The issue is my friends, the Uber Catholics, though we are getting a dispensation from form and disparity of cult are refusing to attend the wedding because the wedding will not happen within the four walls of a Catholic Church and won’t be a Catholic ceramony and have gone as far to tell me, my Fiance and several other friends that I will not really be married, I will be living in sin and in general am a horrible Catholic.
I don’t nessisarly want to write them off, they were there for me when I was going though a rough time several years ago but thier behavior is off the hook.
Post # 3
I’m really sorry you are getting this kind of grief. Have your friends said why they think they are the final judges of the validity of your marriage? How is it that your bishop has given you a dispensation but that’s not good enough for them? I’m surprised that if they are such “good” Catholics, they are unwilling to concede that the Bishop and not they have the final authority to determine if a dispensation is warranted.
You have done what you can by inviting them. I don’t think the fact that they feel they are “right” (even if they were right) give them the excuse to be rude. That doesn’t seem very Christlike to me.
I realize you don’t want to lose their friendship and they have been good friends to you in the past. Hopefully you and they can agree to disagree on this and continue the friendship.
Post # 4
That makes no sense. The church is recognizing the marriage but your friends won’t? I’d ask the priest to speak to them.
Post # 5
I’m very sorry to hear about your judgmental “friends”… don’t write them off if you don’t want to, but don’t let it bother you either. Are they in charge of your getting into heaven or not? Didn’t think so. Don’t let their misguided attitude dampen your happiness!
Congratulations on your wedding, I’ll think of you as I get married that same weekend 🙂
Post # 6
At the end of the day it is the decision of your Bishop and not THEM when it comes to granting you this dispensation! If it is granted, who are they to say you are a horrible Catholic, living in sin?! You’re doing it by the book, what more could you do?! Personally, I wouldn’t want them there with that attitude! Take the high road and invite them, be nice, continue with trying to get the dispensation and remind them that if your marriage is recognised by the Catholic Church, that’s good enough for you! Best of luck with your wedding, don’t let things like this spoil it for you
Post # 7
They are wrong! Your marriage will definitely be recognized by the church if you have the dispensation.
Post # 8
I’m so sorry to hear about this situation 🙁
The thing is, they’re giving you grief about being a bad Catholic, but in reality refusing to accept the Church’s teaching on this issue is actually being a bad Catholic. You might want to remind them that their belief and statements about your wedding is actually heresy. Well, you might not want to put it like that unless you want to start World War III, but you get the idea.
Post # 9
- Wedding: August 2011 - St. Joseph's Parish, Seattle Tennis Club
How frustrating, and sad that your friends would show this lack of support. I agree with the PPs – clearly, the Church has accepted the marriage by offering the dispensation, so your friends should follow suit. If they can’t accept that, then I don’t know what to tell you 🙁 Lame situation, to be sure.
Post # 10
I’m sorry, but that’s uber obnoxious. It sounds like faith is important to you, and it sounds like your Fiance is being wonderfully accomodating. It also sounds like your friends are being horriblly judgemental. I understand they may have helped you out during a rough patch a few years ago, but to be totally honest I can’t understand why you would want to continue with friendships when they can’t be supportive during literally one of the most important times of your whole life.
However, if you want to continue to have contact with them. The next time they say something awful, I would probably counter with something to the extent of “Thanks but that’s between us and God. Last I checked he was the only one capable of judging any of us, but I’m pretty sure he’s on board since the clergy is too.” Or, if they really deserve it you could always say “Thanks for the advice, Archbishop MeanfriendLastName. Oh right…”
Post # 11
Yuck. I know a couple people like this too, so judgmental (I always want to quote Mt 7:1-5 to them…). PPs are correct, THEY are the ones who are wrong. It’s their choice to not come, but they’re only making themselves look like [email protected]@es before your family and the Church.
Post # 12
That is a crappy situation, just know that your marriage is valid in the eyes of the Church if you were granted the dispensation and it doesn’t matter what your “friends” think.
Post # 13
i’m sooooo sorry. i hate how divisive religion can be. that is not its purpose at all!!
i know you don’t want to write them off just yet, but in my opinion, this goes above and beyond not just being supportive of you- they are straight out disapproving and instead of keeping it to themselves, laying what i can only assume are supposed guilt trips on you. if they can’t even get over their own issues to put on a happy face and be there for you on the day of your wedding, how are they going to be for the rest of your marriage and all the holidays, gatherings, etc that will occur?
with friends like these…
Post # 14
Im sorry your friends are acting like that. Your marriage is official and recognized by the church. They should recognize it and respect your decisions you are a grown woman. I know you dont want to write them off and I think thats good Maybe have them talk to your priest. He is obviously okay with your marriage, maybe with words from him they will start acting like real friends.
Post # 15
Who the heck are they to judge you if the church has given the go-ahead? How presumptuous of them!