(Closed) Crazy (like really) FMIL

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

Aw, sorry you’re having a tough time! Maybe just try to take deep breaths and focus on how nice it is that she seems to mean well? Sounds like all these offers are well-intentioned, so there is that. But if you don’t want any of it, just be firm and polite! It will probably also help if your Fiance does a little bit of the talking to her, so it is both of you standing up to her and not just you.

Post # 4
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

I definitely agree with saying no to the first one – you should approach it from the standpoint of, you want her to be able to enjoy the reception – she is the mother of the groom! If she was bartending she wouldn’t be able to dance or participate in anything at the reception, which is no good! 

As far as the rehearsal dinner goes, do you know what his aunt is planning? If she’s cooking, I would just have his mom call her and let her know that she’ll willing to help out!!

Post # 5
2090 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I agree with Amanda.Lynn about posing it to her like you just want her to enjoy the reception, which (honestly) she wouldn’t be able to do if she were bartending. Make her the center of attention in your conversation  – remind her that she is the mother of the groom, and she needs to greet guests too – and guests will want to greet her. Her son will want to spend time with her at the reception.

I think this position would double as something you could use at the salon too. Maybe don’t call her out on her hair, but say something about how you and your friends and already going to the salon the day before, and it would mean a lot to you if she would come too, and you’ll pay. Then, once you get her in there, tie her down and color and cut her hair! LOL just kidding (maybe).

I guess, personally, (and especially when I have to deal with FH’s crazy step-mom), I try to spin everything positively, so she doesn’t get defensive or mad. Instead of saying NO, I try to say “well ok, but what about this instead…” or something like that, then stand firm on my “instead” option. Good luck!!!

Post # 6
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

1) Yeah, no bartending for you.  You already have some great advice on how to handle that.
2) If she wants to make something, have her talk to the aunt.  There’s nothing wrong with that, and she’ll feel like she’s contributing (all she’s looking for is some emotional affirmation).
3) Definitely get pics of the dress first.  For your sake I hope it is classy in non-white.

If she doesn’t want to change her hair, there’s no way to get her to do it.  But if you offered to take her along with you, maybe you could get a practice up-do while she’s getting a cut n color.  Or maybe you need one too and you can use a FMIL/FDIL bonding outing as an excuse to do it.  It’s hard to say no to that if you’re doing it too!  Plus it’ll be less awkward to pay since you’re already paying for something.  Maybe she doesn’t even need to know the price.

Post # 7
1209 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Girl! I feel for you. I know that it is hard for you to step back, and find this the least bit funny, at this time…but seriously it sounds like a wedding comedy movie of sorts, where the bride is going through all of these odd pre-wedding events with the crazy IL. I was reading your post, and was like “No” and then I would read more, and I was like “she cannot be serious”. I agree with you- in no way shape or form can she bartend for your reception!! I would just try to make it more about how you want her to enjoy herself, etc. As far as the potluck, I would tell her that it is already taken care of, but to call the aunt to make sure. The dress- I would want a picture for sure!!! I went to a wedding a couple years ago and the grooms mom was wearing the brightest canary yellow “prom” dress I have ever seen! That is basically the only thing that I remember about the wedding. The hair- I would tell her that I would like to have a “girls day at the salon”. Good luck to you!!! Let us know how it works out!!

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