Crazy MIL basically ruined my wedding, and I hate her for it

posted 1 year ago in Family
Post # 46
Member
1239 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

I agree with greeneyedgal13. She sounds awwwwwwful! Definitely seems jealous, maybe for more than one reason. I would just stop talking to her. Not forever, but for the time being.

Post # 47
Member
783 posts
Busy bee

Relatives of my husband pulled the same stunt. Some gave us heck before the wedding over certain plans and wanted us to cancel since it was too late for them to suddenly offer to pay and get us to change things.

before and after the wedding we got called disrespectful, selfish,lots of things. All  because we made plans based on our own tastes and the majority of the guests that would be attending. We could have made some adjustments if people hadn’t waited until about 3 weeks before the wedding to even discuss plans with us.

Walking away from the conversations or cutting people off only helped to a certain degree. What really shut people up about 90% was when I told them that if they were really that devistated, that I would be happy to put my wedding gown back on and have another wedding more to their liking! With the main conditions being that they would have to do all the calling, attend all tasting and appointment and pay for the entire thing. Since my husband, myself  and my family had already paid for the wedding that we and those attended greatly enjoyed.

From what I heard, the idea was discussed and entertained for about 20 minutes, then shut people up big time. I do still hear occasional comments of those that wish some things were different, but not very much at all. Many of our guests loved the wedding and had a great time, that’s what I choose to consider important, it’s always helped.

Post # 48
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I’m dying over here at the, she is quite old at 65. I still go bar hopping and go on killer long bike rides with my 72 year old dad. He was tearing it up at 65. It’s hard to take you seriously because I think you’re one of those young 20 somethings who see anyone over 40 as old. Who knows if your mil is a screaming lunatic or just a slightly negative lonely woman with not much going on who just likes to bitch on the phone to people? (Because your perception seems off on things) If it’s the former then just hang up and don’t engage. 

Post # 49
Member
9613 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Block her number. Make your husband deal with her. 65 is not old enough to excuse bat shit crazy abusive. You need to get your shit together before the baby comes, you’re pandering to her wayyyyyy too much. 

Post # 50
Member
751 posts
Busy bee

 

I am sorry to hear that. You should definitely exclude her. She’s not the type of person with whom one can rationalize. And believe me, I have an ex-MIL who would make your Mother-In-Law sound like an angel from heaven.

Post # 51
Member
1976 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

In my opinion your husband, you and his mother need to sit down and st ground rules for example call once a day, don’t raise your voice at anyone of us, don’t be disrespectful, don’t be negative and make it perfectly clear that there will be consequences if she crosses or breaks the boundaries that all three of you have set in place

Post # 52
Member
1639 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

newlywed1990 :  okay hold up here. Brakes. 

We need to use boundaries:

“Mom, you’re screaming. I need you to stop screaming and talk to me in a calm manner so I can try to understand you”. 

* * SCREAMS BACK * *

“Mom, I’m hanging up now” * CLICK * 

That is how we execute boundaries. Avoiding or ignoring her will not solve the issue. You need to be direct with her or have husband do it. “Mom, we noticed you like to yell a lot at us for things that are out of our control. We need you to know that if you continue to yell at us that we won’t be able to talk to you”. 

Done. Period. End. 

Her age may be part of the problem but her problem isn’t yours to deal with and anytime she is being unreasonable, you need to pump those brakes and practice using boundaries. 

 

Good luck!

Post # 53
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I had nothing but issues with my Mother-In-Law with our wedding as well. She picked the venue.. demanded certain things or she would not come and she had other family members saying they would not come too unless they got what they wanted.. The day of the wedding she did not speak a word to me. She posed for pictures with everyone else. She posted all these photos online and not one were us. The bars rules is to shut down a hour before the end of the event. So when it shut down she lost it. She started screaming. We had no choice but to leave our wedding early. The day after the wedding she messaged us saing ” hope you enjoyed your wedding, no one else did”.. i spent all day crying and the next day we left for our honeymoon..

 

The best advice I can give is to have a talk with your husband, get on the same page and then set some boundaries.  That is what seemed to have worked for us.

Post # 54
Member
783 posts
Busy bee

daniga :  I went through stuff like this with my Father-In-Law before the wedding. I hung up when he called imforming me it was all a complete disaster, that if we continued with our wedding plans as they were (nothing his way) then he and his wife wouldn’t attend. He couldn’t threaten to pull any help or money since he wasn’t giving either to the wedding.

We got letters that sounds like your Mother-In-Law. Telling us things like ‘no one is going to enjoy it so you may as well just cancel’ garbage like that. People had a lot of fun and we were asked by some engaged friends later if they could copy things from our wedding because they had so much fun. Shows what In laws know sometimes!

I’m sure you Mother-In-Law was wrong and many people had a wonderful time. In laws and parents can get so out of line when they don’t get their way at weddings. Did your Mother-In-Law want things her way too? we should start a club! Wonderful, fun weddings and the parents who pitched a fit. Hand in there, and I will too….when my mom tells me on the phone (years later) ‘I just know your dad was so upset when he didn’t give you away’ No one gave me away, but whatever mom.

Post # 55
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

keepingitreal8675309 :  She wanted everything her way.. even down to who was in the wedding party, where people sat, what friends my husband invited. She comes from a large family and went and told them and twisted stuff to make herself a victim and then we had them ragging on us as well.

Post # 56
Member
2345 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

She’s appalling. Withdraw and leave your husband to deal with any communication.

I’m in shock at you assuming 65 is decrepit though. Winston Churchill was 66 when he became British Prime Minister a few months after the outbreak of WW2, he remained in post until was 71 after leading the country to victory on minimal sleep and copious Champagne and cigars. 

Benjamin Franklin was 70 when he took his place among the Committee of Five to draft the Declaration of Independence. 

Less dazzlingly, everyone I know in their 60s is a fully functioning adult. there’s a scattering of dicky hips and dodgy backs among them but these are high earning, active people, many in leadership roles.

I’m 48 myself, I didn’t realise I’m only 17 years away from a free pass to behave like total dick. 

Post # 57
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee

Ha, ha! Glad I’m not the only who tok a pause at the “65 is quite old” comment. Unless your Mother-In-Law has early-onset dementia, her behavior has nothing to do with her age. 

Change your phone number. Stop answering the phone. Say “I’m hanging up now, Mother”. And do it. Do all or some of the above. 

Don’t gossip about her or be mean to her, but her behavior has earned her a temporary cold shoulder. And somewhat aloofness when/if you do resume contact with her. Practice standing up to her, and getting away from her when she is like this, before you have your child. 

Who knows? Perhaps having a grandchild will turn her for the better, esp if she wishes to see the grandchild. Good luck!

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors