(Closed) Crazy MIL…please help

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
2670 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

@dls17:  I would just leave. It would be good for you and Future Mother-In-Law to put some space between yourselves for a while. I would honestly tell her that until she can talk with out screaming and throwing a tantrum, there won’t be any conversations about the wedding with her. I can’t believe she called your Grandma, WTH.

Post # 18
Member
1169 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@dls17:  I’d take grandma up on her offer, honestly.

When my parents were newlyweds they moved in briefly with my mom’s parents while waiting to get a house. My grandma was never a kind mother and one day said such horrible things to my mom that she called my dad at work crying.  My dad told her to pack everything and they’d leave while my grandparents were out on a walk. Yup, so my grandparents took a stroll around the neighborhood and came home to an empty house. They didn’t talk for 4 years but in that time my grandmother had to confront a lot of things–she had chased her daughter away, she had never met her 2 new grandkids, and the rest of the family was still talking my mom.  Those 4 years and the “sneaky” way they left were hard on my mom but I think necessary for my grandmother to see the impact of her words and actions.  When they reconciled it was like a whole new relationship.

I have no idea if your in-laws will ever change, but as long as you stay in that house they have control over you and can see themselves as “fostering” you and never have to look at what they’re doing wrong. You and your Fiance are miserable and his parents are harrassing your family. I’d leave. Leave and have your mother/grandmother change their numbers.

Post # 19
Member
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Whoa!  That is really a terrible situation!  ::hugs::

Is there a way for you to pack up the uhaul while your fmil and ffil are out?  Like take Friday off and pack up the uhaul while they’re at work?  Even if you have to get a storage unit for a few weeks it would be so worth it!

As far as the ceremony is concerned, Mass can be celebrated outside, but usually for Catholic weddings there are lots of other requirements (actively attending Mass, pre-marital counseling, etc.).  If your FI’s family has a family priest you could ask and see if he would be willing to help you celebrate your marriage together in an outdoor ceremony.

Post # 20
Member
4590 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

hell yes, get out now!! 

Post # 21
Member
419 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Yes- get out now – take your grandma up on the offer.  It sounds like the ILs are very manipulative and used to getting their own way…better to get out now than having to wait.

Sorry you are going through this – it sucks having manipulative in-laws!  But the sooner you guys get out, the sooner you can put this behind you.  

Post # 22
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My advice would be pack and leave honey, this weekend. No one should have to go through this and if your grandmother is willing to let you stay with her, take her up on the offer. There is no telling what kind of issues and confrontations will crop up between now and March 10. At least at grandma’s you will be able to find some peace and start healing from all this emotional drama.

Post # 23
Member
515 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Yes get out and stay with your grandma till ure apartment is ready!

Post # 24
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Go go and go. This minute if not sooner.

And to be honest I would give no more thought to their preferences about your wedding- they forfeited the right to have any say with their ridiculous behaviour.

You and him need to begin making your life together and you cannot do that in fear of being attacked in your own home. And to be honest if you know anyone in law enforcement that might do you a favour I’d see if someone could call to your fmil and advise her to immediately stop the phone calls to your relations: you know once you move in to your grandma’s fmil will probably ring in hysterics entirely. Your grandma shouldn’t have to deal with that bull.

Best of luck.

Post # 25
Member
9 posts
Newbee

Don’t wait till the weekend! and for the love of god, don’t do it while they’re there, or at least her. she seems to have a violent personallity and her behavior always seems to esclate. just get out the first chance you get and please let us know that you’re okay when it’s all said and done! 

Post # 26
Member
99 posts
Worker bee

I hope you moved out.  

Both you and Fiance need to stop the wedding info train to FMIL/FFIL yesterday.  Seriously, do not share ANYTHING with them.

Your Fiance needs to man up and stand up for you – to tell Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law that they can not treat you & him in this fashion any longer.  Warn them that if either of them start berating either of you or your family in any way, shape or form, that you will put them on ignore for a month.  And if they try to test that boundary, you will add another month – even if it means they won’t be invited to your wedding.  And that it doesn’t matter if it’s FMIL’s doing or FFIL (or vice versa) – BOTH of them will be in time out.  (Honestly, it sounds like your Future Father-In-Law has been enabling FMIL’s crazy behaviour for a long time – even to the point of applying additional pressure to make you give in so she’ll get off his back).

If your Fiance is unwilling or unable to set boundaries and enforce consequences with his P’s, that is a huge red flag and you would be well advised to postpone/cancel/reconsider marrying him.  Begin as you mean to go on.  And for sure, double or triple up on birth control until you have this situation under control, because the crazy will only get worse with a baby in the picture.  Not to mention that you’d be tied/trapped with these crazies for the rest of your life if your Fiance is unable to find his backbone and stand up to them.

Post # 27
Member
446 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

She sounds like you need to get away from her ASAP! I hope you moved…like today, while she was hopefully at work. 

Post # 29
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

It’s a pity she ever got your grandma’s phone number, to be honest. I’m glad you’re going as soon as you can. Please be as discreet as you can with the packing to avoid any scenes before you leave. Best of luck.

Post # 30
Member
1169 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@dls17:  You are definitely better without them. I seriously suggest having your grandmother either changer her number or have their number blocked from calling her.  And don’t tell your in-laws where your new apartment is.

Post # 31
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@dls17:  Good for you for moving out! Good luck with the move. Is anyone coming over to help? If possible, get as many friends so it goes way faster. I have a feeling your Future Mother-In-Law will stand there and scream the entire time you’re moving stuff. I suggest you ignore her and don’t even talk back. If you do talk, speak in a calm, collected manner if at all possible. It’ll be hard but it’s no use arguing with people like her. They can’t understand simple logic and will insist that they’re right no matter what you say. I think it actually fuels the conviction to their viewpoint in their twisted mines if you argue against them. If you don’t bother acknowledging what they say, eventually they get tired and shut up by themselves.

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