Post # 1
I am getting married soon and my family is extremely unhappy about it. My parents have always been pretty controlling and I am not following their plan for my life and they don’t like it! I knew they wouldn’t be happy when I told them I was engaged, but I didn’t think they would react SO poorly…I told my mom first because I figured she would want to be the first to know, but all she said was "oh. well. good luck with that." and hung up. When we told them we were getting married soon, my mom had a complete meltdown and told me I was an embarassment and that she wished no one had to know. I am young, but not THAT young! I am 20 and he is 24 and I am almost done with college while he is getting paid to go to school for his doctorate in psychology. He is a good man and we love each other very much, but my parents issues with him are deep. They hate him with a burning passion and I can’t really understand why. He has always been polite and tried to get to know them. When he first met my mom, he went all out, got dressed up and took us both to the mall in his hometown. My mom arrived early, went to the mall without us and by the time we got there, she said she was done and didn’t want to go there in the first place! Then we took her out to lunch and afterwards she told me he "picked a bad place". I am getting really fed up with their behavior and now it has spilled over into our wedding. He and I are paying for the whole thing ourselves and I still asked them to be involved if they wanted because my mom has always expressed the desire to be a part of her daughter’s wedding. She has yet to respond, she is refusing to give me family members’ addresses (because she is "too embarassed" I assume), and she is now in "therapy" because I am upsetting her so much. How should I go about dealing with this?
Post # 3
Hmmm….are you sure youre not missing something? I think this warrents a little invetsigation. Is your mom really reacting this way just because of your age? Why dont you have a long sit down with her, or offer to come to one of her therapy sessions. If she typically a controlling person, I would think she would try to take over planning the wedding. The fact that she does not even want to be involved makes me thing something else is awry. Talk to your mother…she only had your best interest in mind.
Post # 4
That’s got to be something, even if you don’t want to admit it to yourself. That’s a lot of hate/drama just because she doesn’t like him.
Post # 5
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, but from what you’ve given us here, she sounds like a toxic relative. Which is not good for your sanity or health, there are tons of resources out there dealing with these types of people, ranges of techniques, which unfortunately go to the extreme of cutting them out of your life. I’m not suggesting that of course, but suggesting you either Google it or go to your local bookstore to help your relationship with her, because this is horrible. 🙁 Good luck and I hope your wedding is beautiful!
Post # 6
Miss Bear, I am so sorry your family is not supporting you and sharing in the excitement of your wedding. I think you need to sit down and have a long talk with your mom and get to the root of the problem. If that does not work, you may need to ignore them and just go on with your planning. Eventually she will give in, and if not then you and your fh can have an intimate wedding. She will regret not supporting you and being there for you more than you can imagine.
That said. My mom is an "I told you so" type of person – so no matter what choice I make she is always against it, that way if it goes wrong she can say "I told you so". It sounds like your mom may also be like this.
Post # 7
Sorry to hear about the struggle! I agree with FutureMrsMorgan, are you sure this is all because they just don’t like him? Granted I understand some people just clash, but it’s very odd that they are so opposed, especially since you said they have always been controlling. I do think you should try to sit and talk to your mom without him too. There is obviously some reason that your family has an issue with the whole thing. Take a little time to let them relax, and think about what it is they have to say. It may seem hairbrained, but you never know.