Post # 1
What is it about weddings that makes people crazy??
And I’m not really talking about the bride, because maybe I’m biased because I think I’m a pretty even headed rational bride and am trying my best to not display any bridezilla behavior, I’m talking about everyone else.
When we first got engaged, Future Mother-In-Law basically freaked out and told me about how much money we were going to blow and it was a waste and how having 100 people at our wedding was a huge wedding and it was going to be so expensive. I cried for over an hour that day.
Then we had a cake tasting with our vendor cake and it transpired that they are a very simple cake company and they only have yellow cake, chocolate cake and carrot cake. Fiance and I were fine with just yellow cake but then it came out that my sister and my mother didn’t like the cake (whether they didn’t actually like it or didn’t like that it didn’t have white cake, which my mother had previously talked about having white cake I don’t know). And then afterwards my mother said I can’t get the cake from there and she will get me a different cake and pay for it. Nevermind the fact that Fiance and I are paying for the wedding ourselves. The next day I saw my sister asking on FB for wedding cake suggestions and was told by my mother that she wants me to look at wedding cakes at some fancy place with her. I have dealt with this problem by not mentioning it because my mother and I have gotten in several arguments about it.
Then I was going wedding dress shopping for the first time today. I didn’t want my mother or sisters with me because my mother especially is pretty opinionated and her tastes are not mine. I’m also a pleaser, so I won’t speak up if I have a different opinion than someone. For that reason I decided to take my Fiance. My sister asked who I was going with and I didn’t want to cause a big thing so I said I was going by myself. Then she said I shouldn’t do that because I need someone with me so I finally told her I was taking Fiance. She basically said not to because it would make other girls in the store uncomfortable because a lot of times people change in the middle of the store. For the record, it was a total non issue. None of the other girls seemed to even notice my Fiance and there are not girls changing in the middle of the store. My consultant (at AA) told me they have had FIs come in and frequently have dads and grandfathers come in as well.
Anyways, my sister called and wanted to know if I found anything and I said maybe. She asked if I showed my Fiance and I said he saw it there because he was there when I was trying them on and she went into this whole big rant about how that’s not allowed, that the groom isn’t supposed to see the dress before the wedding and everyone knows that. And I pointed out that he would see it anyways because we live together and I would have to keep it in my closet and she goes on that I’m supposed to keep it at my mother’s house so he won’t see it. I told her that everyone doesn’t do that anymore and she told me yes, everyone does, sounding like she basically thinks I’m mentally deficient or something.
I’m sorry – I thought this was my wedding and things should be the way I want them within reason. Ugh…I don’t know why everyone has to make things more stressful.
Post # 3
@Cem0930: Weddings bring out the worse in people because IMO you go to more funearls in a year than weddings and we were in the West really don’t have many positive celebratory times to get together. Everyone has an opinion on weddings and it is annoying. I was fighing my family with my wedding and it got to the point I would give vague answers
I think you did the right thing going to the bridal shop by yourself if you knew that you would end up buying your mom’s favorite gown and not yours.
As for the cake, would you be willing to get a different cake? Or would givng your mother control over this lead to her trying to hurt you in any way? Because if it would be harmless maybe just see what she says? If she would use it against you, buy what you want.
Post # 4
@Cem0930: I’m sorry that you are having such a stressful time planning with your family around. Like you said at the end of the post this is your wedding. Just brush off what they say and continue to do what makes you happy. Since you say that you like to please people I would avoid giving them opportunites to turn the wedding into their show. Try to offer up as little information about the wedding as possible. I know that’s hard when you are going through such an exciting time of your life, but it will give them less chances to needle you.
My family was the same way. Once I stopped talking about the details they left me alone. The only person who bothers me now is my grandmother who thinks the same as your Future Mother-In-Law on the 100 people. My grandma told me to cut it down to only close family. The kicker is that about 60% of that 100 is what she considers close family from her family alone.
Post # 5
Granted. It sounds like we’re different people personality wise but if my family were pulling stunts like that for a wedding –> I <– was paying for I’d cut them off. No info. No opportunities to be obnoxiously opinionated. AND I would call them on their rude behavior. I’ve done it before and I would do it again. I have zero tolerance for BS from people who should know better.
I’m sorry they are giving you such a rough time. It must be really hard.
Post # 6
@FloretteLiz: I follow this rule as well. I rarely talk to anyone about my plans. I just can’t stand unsolicited opinions. Especially when your the one paying its frustrating. If someone asks me how’s it going I just say a simple “Fine”. No details. If your sister believes in archaic rules about grooms not seeing the dress, she can worry about that for her wedding, not yours. Stand firm in your ideals, i know its hard you can always vent here.
Post # 7
oh wow, im so sorry your mother and sister are giving you such a hard time! I remember when both my sisters got married, I was mindful of my tongue when they talked about their wedding plans even if I might be thinking “okay that’s not such a good plan” and even when I did, i always tried to say it in a positive way. I didnt want to insult/upset them because it was their wedding and i also wouldnt want them to behave as such for my wedding!
but hey, at the end of the day, if you’re paying for it, then their opinion shouldnt really matter. a lot of people will give opinions but once you ask em to pay for it, they will shut up. They’re adults they can live with not having their ways. it’s your wedding so plan it the way you want it 🙂
hope things get better. You know you can always come and vent here 🙂
Post # 8
Since you’re paying for this, you have the upper hand. I would just brush their comments off and always be as vague as possible on the wedding details. That’s what I’ve learned to do with people, mostly. FCIL is very negative about my wedding plans, so I don’t talk about the wedding to her, at all, anymore.