(Closed) crazy pissed my husband said I gained weight. HELP!

posted 5 years ago in Fitness
Post # 61
Member
1991 posts
Buzzing bee

To everyone who is just saying OP’s husband is a jerk…how is that helpful? They’re married. It’s not like she can just break up with him because everyone on WB said he’s a jerk. Did he maybe make a really insensitive comment? Was he acting like a jerk? Possibly. But just saying he’s a jerk, and suggesting she tell him he’s a jerk, isn’t helpful.

 

Post # 62
Member
4348 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

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anonybeez2011:  idk how any person could be seriously “concerned” about a five pound weight gain. what a ridiculous comment. She didn’t ask him his opinion. In fact, she told him she was planning on starting the diet change, so how can what he said be productive in the slightest??

Post # 63
Member
4348 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

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italianbride0508:  what kind of advice is that? U even SAID he was acting like jerk. Which was what u said no one else should have said……… HUH?

Post # 64
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

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catpeaches:  COMMUNICATION.  Wow yes I believe honesty is the best however it does depend how you say something and when you say something. For instance if I have a bad day I really don’t need my significant other telling me that right at that moment however, I do expect him to keep me in check my values my fitness my life in general he’s my partner and we are supposed to keep each other in check. We both love being active together so yes we try to keep each other healthy and we slip up a bit every now and then gain weight lose weight etc but we always try to keep each other healthy. Now, while he said that if you felt offended by it you should really communicate with him why you felt offended with it the way he said it? With the fact that he said it at all? Does he know that one day you are going to gain weight and be as big as a house when you get pregnant and have babies? These are things that you should really talk about with him but how you going to need him to be supportive during these times make sure he knows that your feelings are valid his feelings are valid and you need to come to a common ground how to communicate effectively with each other

Post # 65
Member
1071 posts
Bumble bee

OP – H and I have been doing CrossFit and eating Paleo for over 5 years. We aren’t perfect and will fall off the wagon for months at a time. Until one of us gently reminds the other of weight gain or muscle loss. But it’s always talked about as “we” need to do x-y-z to get back on track. 

Do you feel like he is only pointing out your issues (bc you acknowledge the weight gain) without actually having a plan to help?? 

 

Post # 66
Member
7426 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

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italianbride0508:  There’s nothing wrong with saying he’s acting like a jerk and that she should discuss this with him. All husbands and wives will act like jerks at some point in a marriage. Nobody has suggested she leave him.

Post # 67
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I always know when I’ve gained, so I don’t think anyone else needs to point it out to me. I can’t say I would appreciate my husband telling me that I’ve gained weight. 

Post # 68
Member
1071 posts
Bumble bee

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whatsinaname13:  See I’m the opposite. I appreciate when my H points it out – and it goes both ways. Health and fitness is a huge part of our life and is directly connected to our jobs.

Assuming it’s said with love and respect, I think your spouse should be able to address those issues. 

Post # 69
Member
2909 posts
Sugar bee

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mrsbear2be:  I think if the OP’s husband is genuinely concerned, the proper way to express that would be to say, “Hey, so I’m worried about how these new medical conditions could be affecting your health, and I want to help in any way I can. Can I come to your next doctor’s appointment with you and ask some questions about what I can do to be supportive?” Frankly, I don’t care how much he thinks he knows about paleo and crossfit; the person to be making suggestions about the OP’s dietary intake should be her doctor, or a nutritionist, who is well aware of her current medical situation, medications she’s on, and what would be best for her body and her health.

Post # 70
Member
218 posts
Helper bee

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catpeaches:  you are wayy to sensitive get some thick skin because if your husband cant be honest with you then who can? You should want a honest spouse who can tell you anything 

Post # 71
Member
924 posts
Busy bee

I don’t personally think someone needs a really good reason to be concerned about a spouse gaining weight. I think worrying that your spouse is becoming less attractive to you is reason enough. Attraction is important. Looks fade, but we don’t need to expedite it by gaining weight. 

Post # 72
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee

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catpeaches: 

Thank him for helping to keep you on track.

Then ask him if he’s noticed his balls are starting to droop. 

Post # 73
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

OP if you can’t even do a basic yoga move like downward dog for a few seconds without feeling faint, you have to focus on taking care of yourself  and your health problems and you’re at a healthy weight so maybe it’s not the time to be trying out a whole new & restrictive way of eating, especially without consultnig your doctor.

 

Post # 74
Member
2990 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Please don’t start any diets like Paleo before talking with your physician and a nutritionist who is familiar with your heart and thyroid condition. Looking thinner isn’t worth making yourself sick/potentially dying over! 

I did Paleo for a year to support my husband who needed to do it to reverse a liver problem, dropped down to 95 pounds, and suffered kidney problems that damn near killed me. Doctor told me to go back to eating a balanced diet diet rich in whole grains, legumes, and veggies, which I did. DH never said anything about my weight gain. Granted, he fell in love with and married 115-pound me, so 95-pound me was more of a novelty item than a personal preference. It might be more of an adjustment for your husband who is used to “fit” you. Men tend to not want their women to change, though change is inevitable and most men know better than to complain about it. 

As far as your husband goes, I’d explain your health issues in a way that an empathy-challenged fitness nut can comprehend and what you can and can’t do and eat now, emphasizing that they’re “doctor’s orders” so he doesn’t make unreasonable diet and exercise demands on you. I’d also say that you need support and not criticism right now, so making personal comments about your body is not okay. 

Post # 75
Member
1121 posts
Bumble bee

I’d be a bit fed up about it too. However I know what guys are like for just coming out and saying things and I doubt he meant to hurt you. I certainly don’t think your husband sounds like an idiot based on this.

It is more concerning that he perhaps doesn’t realise the seriousness of your health issues. Whatever happens don’t let him push you into something you aren’t comfortable with. Him enocuraging health is fine, but you know your body and what you can take so do it at your own pace.

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