Post # 1
That feels better.
So, I’ve been in therapy to try to deal with my hatred of being single and my single minded obsession on getting married, ASAP. To anyone. I feel like therapy isn’t helping. I’m still just as stuck on getting married as I was before. It’s taking over my life, and I’m always depressed about it.
I mean, I actually put an ad on Craigslist advertising for someone to marry me in July. I had lots of responses, mostly wondering why I wanted to marry so quickly. I talked to a few of the guys, they disappeared after a few emails back and forth. I went out on a date with one of them, the others who scheduled dates, backed out the day before.
I’m online on various dating sites and have profiles, I ask my friends to keep an eye out for any single guys for me. I ask out many men.
However, I’ve never had a man approach me and express his interest. Ever. Not even my exes. I did the chasing with all of them.
I was talking to the woman I carpool about this, and she said “Be Patient”.
You know what? I HATE BEING PATIENT. If I had a nickel for every time someone uttered those words to me, I’d be filthy rich by now.
I pray to God constantly. All the time. Every day. I feel like nothing is happening. I still have faith that someday, Mr. Forever will come and sweep me off my feet, but the waiting is torture and I cry to God, saying “Why would you allow me to feel this way? Can’t you take my obsession away?”
I just hate the single life, and no matter what I try to do to take my mind off of it, I keep going back and then the tears come.
(End of Vent)
Post # 3
I used to love being single but after a while I started to go stir crazy too.
It’s OK to have your feelings, but IMO you’re wasting time by chasing after guys with the Craigslist post you were talking about.
Find some hobbies and let them come to you. They won’t come to you until you stop giving off desperate vibes.
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way —I’ve been there too!
How old are you?
Post # 4
My advice to you is this: Whatever you have been doing – start doing the exact opposite.
Because what you are currently doing is obviously not working for your life.
Edit: Didn’t mean to stop so abruptly, got a call.
I told one of my closest friends this one time, who was going through a similar thing –
As soon as you start learning to love and enjoy being single is the exact moment some guy will show up and screw it all up.
Post # 5
The right person will come along eventually. You do need to be patient. You said you hate that word but it’s the truth. Honestly, do you really want to marry someone just for the sake of having a wedding? That’s one day. You need love, compassion, respect, loyalty, etc in order to have a real relationship. Honestly, no one in their right mind will agree to marry someone off of a classifieds add and anyone who would… well, have you heard of the craigslist killer?
Post # 6
“However, I’ve never had a man approach me and express his interest. Ever. Not even my exes. I did the chasing with all of them.”
Maybe you’re chasing them away. A watched pot never boils… quit watching the pot, enjoy your life and your independence, and let things happen as they may. If you keep chasing, they’ll keep running. Just like a puppy.
Post # 7
Awww I’m sorry you feel this way. Being single can certainly be tough. I’m sure you’ve heard this before but you need to stop looking. Just stop, everything, live your life and do things FOR YOU. This is when you will meet someone. I didn’t go to any extremes when I was single but I certainly wasn’t loving the single life. I got out, did stuff for me, joined sports teams, did volunteer work and let my life happen. I would like a guy and pray that he would like me back, and then one day I gave up. I said I was going to live my life single and love it. I decided I didn’t need anyone, and when that person came along that was when it was supposed to happen. The day I gave up I literally met my future husband the next day. Its not the volunteer work or the sports teams that made me meet him, but I think they helped shape me into the awesome person I am today, whether single or married.
Hugs to you! You WILL meet your Mr. Forever and come back here, read this and want to give your old self a big hug.
Post # 8
Hey, I know that feeling! It sucks so *hugs* or whatever. I think you will find someone, you just need to be patient and take your time. Also, I currently live in Reno and the pickings seem to be slim here, unless you are content with a meth addict or father to seven children. Maybe post some profiles in the Sacto area/Tahoe area or something. Anyhoo, it sounds like you need to focus on being alone and let a relationship happen naturally instead of chasing down marriage.
Post # 9
Get a hobby. Volunteer. Become active in your church. Stop obsessing over getting married. There is nothing sexier to a guy than a woman confident and happy with her own life.
Post # 10
I’m worried about you, OP. I was reading your post from last night on my phone, but didn’t reply. I understand one of your dreams is to eventually marry, but please don’t rush this. The right guy will come along. I promise you. You don’t want to marry some random guy and not know what you’re getting yourself into it. It’s really not worth it.
I was single for awhile before I met Fiance. It was great! I got to focus on myself only and do what was best for only me. Now that I’m with Fiance and about to get married, I find myself to stress and worry for the two of us! It’s so much pressure for me, but I take on the responsibility because that’s the type of person that I am.
Please reconsider your CL posts. If you do go on dates, don’t bombard men with your fantasies of marriage and what you think will be a perfect life out of a perfect outcome. Be patient. Work on yourself. Let the guy come to you.
Post # 11
@hisgoosiegirl: Absolutely and there’s nothing more terrifying that someone who wants to get married after 5 minutes.
Post # 12
Here’s where I’m confused. As recently as 3 weeks ago, you were talking about your february wedding to the guy who apparently dumped you after 3 months of engagement. Ten months ago.
Then yesterday in your thread, you said you would look into therapy, and now you’re saying you’ve been in therapy for the same issue and it’s not working.
Post # 13
I’m just curious though: what do you think being married is like?
Because I can almost guarantee that the real deal might be completely different than what you’re expecting/hoping/anticipating.
Post # 14
@UpstateCait: I agree! I couldn’t think of the right words – but I think most men probably find it a huge turnoff if someone is looking to *them* to complete their life or be their source of happiness, if that makes sense.
Post # 15
I would be absolutely terrified to meet a man from Craigslist that responded to that post….
Post # 16
The more you go looking for men, the more you give off the “i’m desperate to get married” message.
Men are not attracted to desperate, men are attracted to happy, self-confident women.
So focus on yourself, focus on being happy and self-confident in yourself alone and then you will give off the self-confidence vibes men are attracted to.
Honestly, when I met my husband I was single and LOVING it. I was not looking for an SO and was in a very happy and good place. Then, I went to a party and actually took my ex with me to help him make some new friends because even though we were broken up we were on good terms.
That was the night I met my Darling Husband. If I’d gone to that party with the intent on finding a husband, I probably would have never hit it off with SO, he, like most men, is not attracted to desperation.