Post # 1
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
This is going to be a story I had hoped would never happen to me. But I’m coming to terms that my FI stepmom hates me and is trying everything in her power to sabotage the wedding.
It all started when my FFIL insisted on inviting 30 something guests extra to our wedding (he already had invited them and asked us to send them the invites). Those 30 people are distant relatives (we decided to only invite relatives up to our parents’ siblings and their children), including (and this is so funny when you say it out loud) my FI stepmom’s brother’s ex-wife and her husband (the stepmom doesn’t speak to her brother anymore). We wanted a small wedding with up to 60-80 guests, and we wanted to pay for the wedding ourselves (my FMIL and my parents insisted on giving us money, no strings attached, my FFIL won’t pay for anything and does not want to help in any other way). We said no, but in the end offered a compromise when the drama got out of hand, to at least invite the 10 people my FI knows personally. This caused a really awkward situation, as FFIL had to uninvite 20 people.
After that, they asked us for dinner only to make us feel miserable and started attacking me and my parents (because, supposedly, my parents always get what they want and I’m the nice daughter for inviting all of their guests – not true, I invited everybody I feel close to). I said to them in a calm voice that nobody will talk about my parents from now on. After all, the two of them and FI agreed to go to counseling to sort out their problems. After a lot of more drama, fast forward to last night.
My stepmom has this habit of cornering me when FI is not around. We are doing a short courthouse wedding (15min) to get the legal stuff done and afterwards we are having a ceremony (~1h) with all our friends and family before the reception. The courthouse is very very small with only 8 seats, so we invited our parents, grandparents and siblings to attend (most of them will have to stand during the ceremony). My stepmom said to me, that their 10 guests from out of town will be attending as well. There is not enough space for everybody as it is, so I said to her that it is not possible, as we have already told them 3 months ago. Also, it would not be fair to my relatives if she brings all these people we barely know. She pushed and pushed and pushed and I kept on saying “no, I am sorry, but this won’t happen”. And then came THE sentence “How are YOU going to stop these people from coming?!”. I’m speechless. I told FI everything after he came back from the restroom and he promised to deal with it, but I know that this will only lead to more crazy drama. I’m just furious! He said that he will be happy when all of this is over in 3 weeks. I’m trying to be polite and respectful, but I think that was the last time. Crazy ********! I really wanted an event we all looked forward to, and they manage to make it something to look foward to when it is over 🙁
Post # 3
Member
1350 posts
Bumble bee
@moiraine:
Should have told her ‘well, it’s a courthouse- I’m sure I could have these people escorted out.’
What a bitch. I hope your FI puts her in her place.
Ugh, she sounds horrible.
Post # 4
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
- Wedding: October 2014 - UK
I’m sorry you’re having to put up with this! I hope your FH did have a word with her, what was the verdict?
If she brings it up again, maybe point out that you won’t be embarrassed having people you barely know removed by security, but she’s going to have to work out how she’d feel about it, since they’re her friends.
Post # 5
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
@chronicwhimsy:
He hasn’t talked to her yet. He will have a word with his father, but he is really torn because he doesn’t want his father to have bad feelings (my FI is way too nice sometimes, but they are his parents, so he should deal with them).
And things will be bad at our wedding as it is, because I love my FMIL, as do my parents. I guess no matter how much you try to be civil and friendly to everyone, these things show.
Post # 6
Hostess
7564 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
WHAT? I would have a talk all together. It sounds like there’s a lot of talking around each other going on without confronting her craziness.
Post # 7
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
@AlwaysSunny: What do you suggest? The situation is really really bad. Counseling improved their relationship, but I’m not part of the counseling, so I guess she thinks she can load the crap on me. Should I confront her, or should he do it?
Post # 8
Hostess
7564 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
Who all goes to counseling? Your FI and your stepmom? If so I would ask if you could be included. I would ask everyone to sit down – stepmom, FI, FFIL and you – and talk about boundaries in your relationship.
Post # 9
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
@AlwaysSunny: His stepmom, his father and him. I didn’t want to go originally as I didn’t want to be dragged into old fights between them.
Post # 10
Member
1002 posts
Bumble bee
I’m so sorry. My FI’s stepmom is acting crazy about the wedding as well – refering to it as our “first wedding” and trying to invite all of her family even though we are having a small wedding and can’t afford it. I don’t have any advice because I can’t figure out how to deal with her either but I sympathize.
Post # 11
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
Ok, now I have to include her in wedding traditions as well, because otherwise she would feel left out because she is not the mother… Thank you, FI, for that one 🙁
There are a few Eastern European traditions (I’m originally from there) that include the mother of the groom making a bread welcome for the guests. And apparently, the stepmom has to be included now!
*VENT*
Post # 12
Member
1639 posts
Bumble bee
@moiraine: Will this offend FI’s biological mother? If it will, he needs to have her bake her own bread.
Is she still insisting that her 10 guests come to the ceremony?!
Post # 13
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
Does your FIs real Mom not have a bit of a higher ranking when it comes to this kind of stuff? She is the one that birthed him right?
Post # 14
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
@Nel13:
@LuvMySailor:
Yup, his mother should be more important. But she is a nice person who doesn’t whine and complain all the time. Usually it’s the noisy disgusting people who get the good stuff…
And yes, her guests are still coming, according to her, because how could I ever stop them (her wording)?
Post # 15
Member
1639 posts
Bumble bee
@moiraine: I don’t know how things work where you are, but here in America we have sherrifs who keep the courts civil.
At this point, if FI will not talk to her, you need to tell her in no uncertain terms her guests are NOT allowed and you will have them removed. Can you have a court person come to your home and perform the ceremony with just you and FI and your mothers?
She needs to be stopped. No baking bread for guests. Nothng. She is not the mother.
Post # 16
Member
630 posts
Busy bee
@moiraine: does your courthouse have a sign in procedure or anything? If so, give a list to security or whoever works the signing in process with the approved people. If not implement a sign in of some sort! She wanted to know how you’d stop them!
Other option – have the guests you want come early (don’t let FI’s step mom know about this) so that the room’s at capacity when her guests arrive.
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